That POTO Show
by ZGory
Summary: Just a bunch of random moments from That '70s Show set in the Phantom universe with Phantom characters.Rated T for suggestible content and some swearing.Character bashing. AU at times. OLD SHAME THAT HAS BEEN ORPHANED UNTIL I FIND THE WILL TO RETOOL IT.
1. The Devil & Sweaters

**A/N-**Yeah so I'm back with more stuff.Thanks to those of you who have read and reviewed.Pretend that phones have been invented already,okay? And sorry for language but that's why it's rated T. And for the sake of the 2nd skit, just pretend for a teeny tiny second that when Erik makes the insulting remark about his girlfriend,he's talking about Carlotta. Just for that one moment in time and than you can forget about it.

**Disclaimer-**I'll own it when the majority of phanfiction is E/R.And even if by some miracle that does happen than I was lying.

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_Raoul, Christine,Erik,and Meg are hanging out at Phillipe's house.Erik is on the phone with someone._

"Yes,that will be one hundred pounds of manure.We're redoing our entire lawn.And if we're not there to pick it up than just dump it all on the front porch!" he than slams down the phone with an evil smirk on his face.

Raoul stares at him impressively. "The managers are really going to be freaked out about this."

"Well they should have followed my instructions and paid me on time."stated Erik matter of factly.

_Phillipe than comes in from the other room._

"Is that blonde,ballerina girl here? The one that knows her place in society." asked the Comte directing that last statement towards Christine.

The opera star gave him a death glare and replied, "Her name is Meg." She than gave a little cough that sounded a lot like 'asswipe'.

"I don't really care." said Phillipe ,obviously not hearing the derogatory comment madeabout him."Your mother called and she wants you to," he pauses so that he can clear his throat, "GO HOME!" He turns to exit ,but than turns around . "Oh and brother,stop saying horny."

Raoul looks at him trying to feign innocence and points at the departing Meg yelling," It's not mePhillipe.It was Meg!"

Meg turns to look at the Vicomte, hands on hips. "You Monseiur,are a bitch."

_Later at her house, Madame Giry walks up to Meg._

With a concerned look on her face,Madame Giry began the talk she had prepared."Meg, I don't like this gang of ruffians you have associated yourself with."

"They're my friends!" burst Meg.

"That's what they want you to call them.I held my tongue when you started to wear that fancy perfume,but I can remain silent no longer! You have brought the Devil's music into our home!" She than brings forth Erik's music box."

"That is not the Devil's music.It's Erik's." simply said Meg.

"Listen to what it says when I play it backwards." Madame Giry than starts to play the music box backwards.

Meg listens to the strange noises portruding from the music box and cringes. "That cannot be good for the music box."

"Can you hear it?" asked her mother. "There it is. Devil love me! Devil lives! I can hear it plain as day." ranted the ballet instructor.

Meg started to laugh uncontrollably.She sees the strange look that her mother is giving her. "Erik has been teaching me a different language,and from what I've learned the music box is saying 'I want to have sex with your monkey." explained Meg quite innocently. She sees the stern look that has now replaced the puzzled one and blurted "Of course I've never done that.Nor have I been in affiliation with someone who has." in her defense.

_Later,Meg is back at Phillipe's house hanging out with Raoul,Christine,and Erik._

"I'm telling you. I heard it myself. The devil is singing backwards on the music box!" said Meg ,who was now quite frightened with what her mother had shown her.

"It's not the devil,Meg." began Erik. "It's parliament! They sneak evil messages into music boxes to silence those creative enough to come up with a delightful tone!They also do it because they know that classical music turns women on!" he than raises his fists in triumph after he's done with his rant.

"Doesn't practically anything turn women on?" inquired Raoul as he shoved an eclair in his mouth.

"I know that masks,money,and cute nicknames turn me on." stated Christine. "Oh and food!"

Meg is looking everywhere in a paranoid fashion."When you play the music box backwards,you can hear the Devil speak.I'm starting to hear him everywhere." She turns to face Erik. "Ahhhhhh!"

We see Erik is staring at her in a menacing manner. Meg looks to Raoul for comfort just to see him have his head cocked to the side and his eyes wide open like a zombie.

"Satan is your master Meg! Worship Satan!" said Erik in a most ghoulish tone.

"Ai!" whimpers the horribly frightened Meg.

"But before you worship Satan," continued Erik in the ghoulish tone, "get him a bottle of wine! Get Satan wine! Get Satan wine! Wine get me some wine,Meg." said Erik coming back to his normal voice. "Come on.Get me some wine."

A look of relief comes upon Meg. "Oh thank God. You had me so scared there."

Erik than goes back to his frightening look and ghoulish voice,"Satan changed his mind to root beer!"

"Ahhhhhh!" screams Meg in horror with a little jump.

_Later on it's just Erik and Meg in the house._

"Allright,Meg.I've devised a way to sneak in the devil music past your mother.I've made this music box that's very innocent looking." He holds up a music box with a ballerina on it. He than holds up the device that plays the music. "Inncont box meet devil music." He proceeds to put the device in the box pretending that the box is resisting. "Don't resist me,ballerina. No! It hurts!Come on take it! No,you're hurting me! Ahhhhhhh."

"But what if my mom hears the music?" asked Meg with concern in her voice.

"Than Satan commands us to kill them!" responded Erik in his ghoulish voice.

"No..." whimpered Meg sadly.

"Don't worry.I've made this tube that you can put in your ear that will allow you to listen to it." said Erik ,back to normal.

"Yay." cheered Meg happy that she didn't have to kill anyone.

_Later Erik is at Meg's house and they are listening to the box through the eartube.Madame Giry passes by them,sees that it's innocent looking enough and goes on her merry way._

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_Phillipe is sitting at the kitchen table when Raoul walks in and sits down.He starts to gather some food unto his plate._

Phillipe sighs at his little brother. "Raoul,look at yourself. You still lounge about my house doing nothing. What are you going to do with your life?"

Raoul stops eating and stares at his brother blankly. "I dunno." replies the Vicomte dully.

"When are you moving out of the house?" asked the Comte rather pointedly.

"I dunno." said Raoul in the same dull voice.

"How is ,Christine?"

"I dunno."

"What is your job situation?"

"I dunno."

"How's your future looking?"

"I dunno." stated Raoul shrugging his shoulders.

Phillipe shook his head in disappointment after he was done with the questioning. "Your'e life just seems to be one big question mark. Well 'I dunno' about you ,but I don't support bums. So if you don't have a life plan by this evening than no more suppers for you at this house." He than takes back Raoul's plate.

"Fine.I can deal without supp...Wait. What's for dinner?" frantically asked the young man to the chef.

The chef sighed a bit sadly knowing what the answer was. "Fried chicken." Raoul's favorite.

The Viscount gasps in horror. "You madman!" Just than Erik walks into the kitchen and starts getting some food. Phillipe looks at him and starts firing off the same round of questioning.

"Erik,when are you moving out?"

"Soon." replied Erik quickly.

"How's your girlfriend?"

"Shallow as hell." replied Erik smoothly.

"Your job?"

"Dead end."

"Your future?"

"Bleak." simply stated the former Ghost.

Phillipe looks at him in a proud manner."Chef, feed this boy."

_So Raoul heads over to the Opera house and tells Christine about his conversation with his brother._

"And if I don't have a 'life' plan by supper than,he's not going to feed me anymore." finished Raoul rather sadly.He than looks up at his fiancee inquisitively. "Christine,dear,what are you going to do with your life?"

"Well,I'm glad you asked. I am going to rededicate myself to the arts.Go back into the singing thing.Maybe practice some ballet so I have something to fall back on."

Raoul stares at her impressively. "You are truly amazing." He gives her a light kiss. " And I will support you one-hundred percent."

_It's lunch time now and Raoul walks into the kitchen in a very happy mood. He reaches for a sandwich and is about to bite in when he realizes that there is someone else in there with him. He turns and sees his brother._

"So," began Phillipe "I guess you have a plan since you think you can eat here. Let me hear it." The elder sibling gazed at the younger expectantly.

"Christine is going to rededicate herself to the arts.Go back into singing and dancing." stated the young man matter of factly.

"That's good for her, but I want to know your plan,**not** your fiancee's."

"My plan is to support Christine's plan." said Raoul rather smugly.He than prepares to take a bite when Phillipe yanks the sandwich away.

"Not good enough.Get a better one." He than gives him a smack on the head and sends him on his way.

_It is now evening and Raoul is just lounging about his room with Christine._

"I'm not sure what I want to do with my life." said the Viscount rather dejectedly.Christine is giving him pats on the back to make him feel better. "I don't feel like leaving and our relationship is fine. I'm perfectly healthy and I just want to enjoy life." His face suddenly brightens up and he jumps off the edge of his bed. "That's it! I'm going to claim my chicken!" He than marches into the dining room and grabs a chair.

"So you wanna hear my plan? Huh?" asks Raoul as he starts to pile chicken on his plate.

"When am I moving out? Make me. Me and Christine are just hanging out. My job? I quit.It was way too stuffy. And what am I doing with my future? Nothing." He than starts to eat in celebration of finding a plan.

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**A/N-**This next onetakes placewhen the featured charactes are teenagers.

_Antoinette,Phillipe,Erik,Firmin,and Andre are just hanging out at the opera house.They are backstage,watching a play being performed for charity.It also happens to be Halloween._

Firmin sighs in disgust. "This is such a scam.You know that they're just putting all this money in their pockets. The managers here are such scamartists."

Andre turns to his friend."If we ask you, everything is a scam."

"Everything **is** a scam." stated Firmin firmly.

"Just lighten up,man." said Phillipe in a calming tone. "Remeber how much fun we used to have on Halloween? Running around the rafters,freaking people out, making costumes, trick-or-treating..."

"Trick-or-treating?" interrupted Erik with a puzzled look on his face. "What's that?"

"It's when you dress up in a costume,knock on someone's door,say 'Trick-orTreat!',and they give you candy." explained Antoinette.

"The best part of Halloween," continued the young noble "is getting so scared that you pee your own pants. One time my father told me this story called 'The Legend of Sleepy Hollow' ,and I got so scared that I couldn't sleep for a month!" Everyone turns and gives him a weird look to which he returns with a blush.

"So," suddenly said Erik,bringing everyone out of the awkward moment, "people will just give you candy.No strings attached!" questioned the young boy still not believing it.

Antoinette sighed in frustration. "Yes,Erik,just get over it!"

"We could go by my church." offered Andre. "They're doing some sort of service about the abominations of Halloween."

"I don't really want to get freaked out by a bunch of Catholics." said Firmin dismissing the notion.

"Or maybe we could see that play about that serial killer!" offered Andre yet again.

Antoinette looked discomforted by that suggestion. "It sounds distasteful."

"I know!" shouted Phillipe excitedly. "We could go to the catacombs of the Opera house."

"Erik's house?" asked Antoinette with much doubt in her voice.

"Yeah.I mean we'll try and go to some place he hasn't been before.It's all dark and freaky and junk.We could ,like, tell ghost stories."

"Free candy? Even if you are horribly deformed?" questioned Erik still not getting the concept.

"Yes!" shouts Andre.

"How come people aren't allowed there?" inquired Antoinette.

"Supposedly there's like some guy down there who has a horde of rats that follow him cus his heads made out of fire.Oh,and the devil like creatures that supposedly power the furnaces.And the weird felt thing that takes you back to the managers office if you stumble down there." listed Firmin in a plain voice that suggested that nothing of interest was down there.

"Hmmmm. I wonder what could have brought all of these things?" said Andre as he cast a look of suspicion towards Erik.

"Lay off him." said Antoinette coming to his defense. "All those things are just rumored to be there."

Andre still had an uncaring look ,"How convenient."

"So you're telling me, that if I showed up at someone's house and say 'Trick-or-Treat, they'll give me a free piece of candy?" asked Erik with a look of amazement still stuck on his face.

At this time everyone was fed up with him asking so they all turned and yelled, "**YES!**"

Erik just shrugs his shoulders. "I don't believe you guys."

_We than see Erik standing outside of someone's door,dressed in his little tux and white porcelain mask, with everyone else in normal clothes behind him waiting for him to be done. He knocks on the door and holds out his bag to the person who opens it._

"Trick-or-Treat!" he yells ,anticipating what will come his way. The person at the door dumps an apple in his bag.Erik looks dubiously inside of his bag. "An apple? Where's my candy you bastard?" The person at the door just slams the door in his face.

_In the days to come that house mysteriously burned to the ground. Noone was hurt nor was arson ever expected though the firefighters had their doubts. But that's not the point.So they all go to the play that Andre suggested.It just happens to be very graphic and gory._

We see Phillipe and Antoinette sitting next to each other as they watch.We hear screams and shots."That girl is very good." remarked Phillipe with approval in his voice.

"Yes." agreed Antoinette. "I hope she lives." More screams and shots are heard. Antoinette now looks regretfully at the stage. "Huh. Oh well.Too bad for her."

We now move to Firmin,Andre,and Erik.Andre is basically cowering in fear ,trying to cover his eyes.Erik just stares in confusion. "Why doesn't someone just strangle him? It wouldn't be that hard. I mean he walks so slow that you could practically walk up and throttle him yourself."

We hear more screams and shots."Yeah,this play is so unconvincing." said Andre unconvincingly as he now goes into the fetal position.

Now more screams and shots are heard."Awwww,that girl was just about to take off her shirt! Why do all the slutty,hot girls die?" questioned Firmin as he stared at the stage in sadness.

_Now the gang's inside of the Opera house catacombs._

"Man.This place is a dump.Why would you choose to live here,Erik?" questioned Phillipe as he looked around the place in bewilderment.

"You know Phillipe,a lot of people come down here and are never heard from again." saidFirmin smartly. "And they're souls are supposedly still trapped down here forever."

Erik than starts making little ghost noises. "Oohhhh oooohhhhh ohhhh."

Andre than pushes his way into the cente pretending to be tough. "Come on guys.Cut it out.You're scaring Antoinette." Suddenly a door slams loudly causing Andre to panic."AHHHHHHH! GET OUT OF MY WAY!" He than tries to run as fast as he can shoving Antoinette into Phillip.

Antoinette looks after him,rolling her eyes at him."Andre,it was a door."

Andre walks back in trying to regain his composure. "I knew that."

"Out of my way?" repeated Antoinette folding her arms up to her chest.

"I didn't say that!" blurted Andre still trying to play off what had happened.

"Yes,you did." stated Erik. "Right before you pushed her out of the way."

"I was simply protecting her."

"How were you protecting me?" asked the ballerina in training crossly.

"There was a ghost and ghosts are attracted to movement.That's a scientific fact!" cried Andre a bit stupidly.

"Whatever.You're so lame."

_Now everyone is sitting in a circle paying attention to Phillipe as he finishes up his ghost story._

"And the man said 'Here is your daughter's sweater.She left it in my carriage last night.' And the woman said, 'Why,that is impossible.My daughter died ten years ago.Wearing that very sweater.' " he finishes and looks expectantly at everyone expecting them to be scared.

"So?" said Firmin in an uninterested tone.

"So,she was dead.And...he gave her a ride.And she was dead!" shouted the Viscount trying to get a spook outt of someone.

Erik spoke up in a clearly bored voice."I grew up with a bunch of freaks and misfits.I've seen gypsie traitors hung from trees and condemned men get torn apart .Your story was not scary."

"Not scary?" spat Phillipe in amazement, "The ghost of a dead girl gave him her sweater!"

"What does a ghost need with a sweater?" inquired Firmin who had a look of utter confusion on his face.

"Maybe it's to keep her guts from falling out." offered Andre.

Erik started to laugh."You can tell that the story wasn't scary because Andre-ina hear didn't run out of the room screaming and wetting his pants!"

"Shut up.And I'll have you know that the feminine form of my name is Aundrea." said Andre trying to scrounge up as much of his dignity that he had left,not realizing that he had just lost it with that last statement.

"Whatever, Aundrea.Anyone else got a good one?" asked Antoinette who was now bored out of her mind.

"Ok." started Phillipe once again, "There was a man named Icabod Crane ,and he lived in the village of Sleepy Hollow."

"Let me guess." interrupted Firmin. "He left his jacket somewhere!" He laughs at his own joke.

Phillipe gets up in a huff. "Allright,you know what! Halloween is ruined. There's nothing that scares us anymore."

"You can say that again." remarked Erik as he began to stretch. "Boy,my mask is making me itchy." Than without considering what would happen the deformed boy takes off his mask to relieve himself of his itch.He notices that the room has gotten deathly quiet ,and that all of the other boys are staring at him. "Guys,why are you star...Oh crud." He hurriedly puts his mask back on and tries to make them calm down. It istoo late though,and everyone,except for Antoinette, runs out screaming.

The ballerina looks at her friend sadly. "How many times have I told you not to take off your mask? I think they must have mentally blocked the image of your face from last time."

Erik sighs. "I know.I wonder how long it will take to get them back?" His attitudes suddenly brighten. "Hey,at least they finally found something that scares them!"

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**A/N-**There you go. Sorry for further making Erik's life seem sucky.But you know we can never permanently stay away from that issue.At least I didn't do it like that one episode of Spongebob where Patrick runs away because he didn't know that was his brain.


	2. Paintings & Pictures

**A/N-**Glorious new chapter of stuff.This chapter is going to have the teenage group.I think I'm going to dub that group(Phillipe,Erik,Antoinette,Firmin,and Andre) Erik&co. unless one of you guys has an idea for what I could name them.I guess I should make a character guide for them too.

**Erik-**Fez(only cus he's new to the world)/Hyde  
**Phillipe-**Eric/Jackie(only cus he seems the snobby rich type at times)  
**Antoinette-**Donna  
**Firmin-**Fez(cus he is a lecherous man)/Hyde/ Jackie(only cus he's the closest to Andre& not in that way)  
**Andre-**Kelso/Fez  
It may seem weird that I made Erik and Firmin the same type of person,but I'm hoping that by the way I write that it will be more clear.I also realized that I made Piangi like Bob ,so therefore **Piangi-**Bob and **Joseph Buquet(drunk)-**Leo.If your'e asking,than what is Joseph Buquet when he is sober? Let me ask you this.Is Leo ever not high?

Special shout out to **Genius of Music**. Because she reviews a lot and encourages me to keep on writing.So let's go ahead and begin.

**Disclaimer-**I will own it when pigs fly.(a pig flies by my window.)Uhhhh you do know that I'm a compulsive liar,right?  
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_Antointte,Firmin,and Andre are sitting around in a circle.Antoinette is upset because her boyfriend,Phillipe, has some magazines with pictures of women in them.She saw them when they were making out which made her even angrier._

"I just don't understand." said Antoinette confusedly. "He has me.Isn't that enough?Why does he need those magazines?You guys are males.Give me some input."

"Well,it's just because they have pictures of hot girls!" exclaimed Andre as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Face it,Antoinette." said Firmin rather pointedly. "Phillipe could be going out with Miss December and still lock himself in a bathroom sweating over a naked picture of you."

Andre became excited at the prospect. "Hey Antoinette.Are there really naked pictures of you?" He never saw her tackle him.

We just hear Antoinette pounding Andre as Firmin watches excitedly. "Kick him in the groin!" suggested the boy.His face brightens up even more. "She actually did it! Awesome!"  
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_The gang is on the rooftop of the Opera house painting some weird green abstraction over one of the statues hanging over the edge._

Andre steps back from the statue that they have been painting over. "Good job guys.We've done it .We painted a marijuana leaf on the rooftop!" He looks up proudly at their 'work' of art.

"This is such a proud moment for me." said Phillipe with a bit of a sniffle.

Antoinette gave the noble a strange look. "That is a bit sad."

Erik takes a step next to him.He leans his head and squints with doubt in his face."That does not look like a marijuana leaf,Andre." stated the genius firmly.

"What do you mean it doesn't look like a pot leaf ?" exclaimed the young man in shock. "It's art.It doesn't exaclty have to be perfect."

"Don't talk to me about perfection!" yelled the future opera ghost. "It looks like a hand making a certain finger gesture.Now get up there and make it better!" commanded Erik.

"Fine." grumbled Andre. He climbs in front of the statue and starts to paint.

"To the left...A bit higher.Yeah right there.Try to make it wider." instructed Erik.

Suddenly Andre lost his balance and fell backwards several feet to the next layer of the roof.Everyone looks down in shock except for Erik who is still looking at the statue.

"Andre,are you allright?" shouted Firmin.

Erik finally looks down and yells, "What does it look like from there?"

They all turn to look at him suprised that hecared more for the statue than his friend.Even more suprising is the response from Andre.

"It looks like it's giving me the finger!" yelled the injured boy.

Erik throws up his arms in a surrendering fashion while everyone else is relieved that he's allright.

_Later at the hospital,Andre is on the phone with his dad.His arm is in a sling ,but that seemed to be the only injury._

"No father. There was no way that I could not have been injured. YES,THE HORSEKICKED ME AFTER I PUNCHED IT!" insisted the injured young man. "Okay. I love you too.Bye." and with that he hung up. "He believed me." said Andre with a big smile.

There is a nurse in the room that is about to leave when Firmin walks up to her and taps her on the shoulder. "Excuse me mademoiselle,but my friend and I would like our sponge baths now." The nurse stares at him disgustedly,slaps him,than leaves the room.

Antoinette rolls her eyes at him. "Sometimes when I think that you can't get any lower,Firmin, you do.Phillipe,let's go." She started to tug at her friend's sleeve.

Phillipe began to go along but paused momentarily. "Anyone else need a ride?" asked the viscount politely.Erik got up and went towards the pair.

"Sorry about tonight guys." called Andre as the trio was about to leave.

Erik looked back at him with a wide grin. "What do you mean? You didn't ruin my night, you made it! That was wonderful seeing you fall." exclaimed the disfigured boy with much joy.

Antoinette looked down at the boy with concern. "Bye,Andre.Bye,Firmin." And with those goodbyes the trio left.

Firmin looked at the door with contempt on his face. "The nerve of that boy."

Andre looks at his best friend a bit puzzled. "Who? Erik? What makes you say that?"

Firmin turned back to the boy in the bed and gave him a dumbfounded look. "He didn't even say that he was sorry.Who insisted that the marijuana leaf wasn't perfect?" questioned Firmin.

"Erik." answered Andre dully.

"Who told you to lean out farther?"

"Erik." answered Andre in the same dull manner.

"So whose fault is it that you fell?" asked Firmin finally getting to his point.

Andre looks at him in a bewildered fashion. "No.That is quite impossible.Erik is one ofour friends.He wouldn't do this to me."

"If he was a true friend than he would be here right now helping you feel better." stated Firmin. "And where is he now?"

"Not next to me,making me feel better!" shouted Andre in agreement.

_A day later the gang is at Phillipe's house when Andre walks into the room._

"Why it's all of my friends.Antoinette,Phillipe,and Firmin.Yessiree those are all of my friends." said Andre in a bad attempt to make Erik feel guilty.

"Is there something that I did to you? Cus if there is than SPILL IT! I'm sick of you being so strange." complained Erik.

Andre gets wide eyed and marches right up to the genius. "I think that it is **you **who should be saying something to **me.**" huffed the injured young man.

Phillipe looks at them with a 'can we end this now?' look. "Erik,just apologize to Andre."

"Why?" asked Erik in astonishment. "It's not my fault that the fool fell off the roof."

"But he thinks that it is.Just apologize." said Antoinette.

"It is his fault though!" exclaimed Andre. "You made me fall of the rooftop."

Erik just continues to sort of glare at him. "How? Did I make you fall?" questioned the walking corpse.

Andre's face fell a bit."No." he said quite weakly.

"Did I make the edge disappear?"

"No." weakly said the boy once again .

"Than how is it my fault?" asked Erik pointedly.

There is a long pause as Andre struggles for the answer. "Cus you didn't appreciate my leaf! And you got pain from my pleasure.And sometimes you don't listen to or respect me." was the answer that he soon came up with.

Firmin looks at Andre proudly.

Instead of the look of guilt that he expected from Erik,he got a smirk. "No offense, but you sound like an over emotional woman."

Andre looked at him for a few moments. "Well...You're right...I do. How lame was that?" He than starts to chuckle.

Erik rolls his eyes exasperatingly and stands up. "Remeber the first time we met,and you were stupid enough to pull off my mask and scream like a little girl?"

Andre starts to laugh so hard that he has to clutch his sides. "Yes I do.You went into a murderous rage and than you cried!" He continues to laugh very hard.

The disfugered boy stares at him coldly. "I remeber the murderous rage,but I did **not** cry."

"You went into crazy mode ,**and** you cried." said Andre as he kept on laughing at the memory.

Erik shrugs his shoulders. "Do you see what my point is?"

Andre nods. "It's hilarious when friends get hurt."

"Close enough." He than pats the injured boy on the back ,and they go back to being close pals.

Firmin stares at them in utter amazement. "The both of you are unbelievable!"  
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_They are all hanging out at the opera house when Phillipe runs in carrying a book._

"Hey,guys. I just got an advanced copy of the opera house staff book ,and you will all be pleased to see that they announce me as 'Most likely to become success in life.' It's nice when you're dad is the patron."

"What a coincedence? We were just talking about how you actually seemed more wealthy last year than this year." sarcastically said Antoinette.

"Really?" asked the viscount with wide eyes.

"Yes." said Antoinette almost realistically.

"I think you're even wealthier this year,Phillipe." said Firmin with a hint of butt kissing in his voice.

"I seem wealthier since I cut you off my support list!" shot Phillipe.

"Nice burn!" complimented Andre.

Firmin shoots him a look. "I told you not to bring that up!"

Phillipe pulls a chair up to Erik. "So do want to see it."

"Sure. This is wonderful!My first time being included in a book.So where are the pictures that have blurs or a bit of darkness in the corner?" inquired the curious boy.

"I think they took all of those pictures out." replied Phillipe. "Something about them being possessed."

"What? They don't let deformed people in their book? They will pay." raged the soon to be Phantom of the Opera.

Phillipe slowly backed away from his ranting friend.He found himself next to Antoinette. "So Antoinette, do you want to read the article talking about my wealth with me?" asked the noble eagerly.

Antoinette just gave him a look and replied rather smartly,"No. I figure that I'll have all the time in the world to do that when I die and go to hell."  
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**A/N-**There goes another chapter.Well the next one should be back to the regulars.Sorry that I don't update on weekends.But I got my chance today since their was no school.I hope you all enjoyed and review if you wish.


	3. Lady of the Lake

**A/N-**Hello everybody! (response:Hello Dr. Nick!) The wedding I went to was great.I partied hard all night long.Well actually to tell the truth, while everyone was dancing their butts off I was in my hotel room watching Showtime.In my defense,I was babysitting.The first skit is Antoinette&co.(teenage years) And the Persian is as old as Erik.

**Disclaimer-**Ready to hear the suprise of the century? Ready?...I DON'T OWN PHANTOM! Real shocker.  
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_Erik,Phillipe,Antoinette,the Persian,Andre,and Firmin are on a little camping trip.Phillipe and Antoinette are off in the bushes._

"I am going to try and get everyone paranoid.Now when I'm done with the story I want you to jump out and scare everyone." instructed the ballerina to the Viscount.

Phillipe looks at her in awe."You are as devious as you are slender.It's so great." complimented the young man before he hides himself in the bushes.

Antoinette than makes her up to the group and takes a seat. "I'm really scared about being here after what happened to that other group of kids."says the young girl in a troubled voice.

Andre looks at her in fear. "What other group?" asks the now frightened Andre.

The ballerina goes on with her tale."Well,there was this other group of kids just like us ,and they just disappeared. The only trace left of them were bloody drag marks that went up to the lake." She pauses to see that Andre is trembling in fear and looking around in pure fright. Delighted with the result she is getting she goes on. "It had seemed as if something had killed them and than dragged them into a watery grave."

Erik stares at her trying to comprehend what she is talkin about."Was it like the Loch Ness monster?"asked Erik.

Firmin shakes his head at the boy. "No,Erik.The Loch Ness monster is in Persia." said Firmin in a matter of fact tone.

The Persian looks at him in disbelief. "There is no Loch Ness monster in Persia." stated the Persian.

"How would you know Mr.Per..." He realizes where the Persian is from and blushes. "Oh.Nevermind."

"Anyways," said Antoinette ,a little peeved by the interruption, "when the gendarmes searched the lake with all of their search dogs and such they couldn't find anything.They all came away that day ,though, a bit spooked.For if you ask one of them,they will tell you of the haunted whispers they heard that day."

"Wh..wh...what did they h...h..hear that d...d..day?" asked Andre in a quavering voice.

Antoinette than rose and started to speak in a ghoulish voice. "I am theLADYof the LAKE! I am the LADY of the LAKE!" She sits down and resumes the story in hernormal voice. "And youshall always know when she is about to come because she **screams **before she kills.Let us see if we can hear her." She than stops, and the entire group stops to listen.The only thing that greets them is silence. The ballerina gets a bit frustrated by this. "I said let's see if we can HEAR HER!" shouted Antoinette.

The group again becomes silent.They do hear a voice,but not one that the ballerina was expecting. "Ummmm Antoinette,this isn't going to work." said the Viscount from the bushes. "I'm stuck on a thorn bush."

Andre shakes nervously at the voice and tries to cling to Firmin. "Good Lord,I can hear her.She said she was stuck on a thorn bush." He than tries to use Firmin as a shield.

The ballerina throws up her hands in defeat. "Ughhhh. I'll be in the lake taking a bath.Don't any of you **dare** follow me." She passes the thorn bush that Phillipe is in. "Thanks a lot." She lowers her voice so that only she can hear him. "Remember,I said that I'll be at the lake." reminded Antoinette in a playful tone.And with that little note she was off.

The Persian than got up from his seat and started to stretch. "Thanks to that interesting story about lakes,I must now use the restroom.See you later gentleman." The foreigner than made his way into the forest.

_2 minutes later the four remaining boys are just sitting around._

Erik rises from his seat on the ground. "I'm bored.I'm off to find Nadir." He than trudged into the woods in search of his friend.

Phillipe looks up suddenly remebering Antoinette's offer. "I am going to go for a...swim! That's right.I'm going to go swim." The viscount than starts to leave when Andre's voice stops him.

"Aren't you scared about the Lady of the Lake?And you're actually going to walk down to the lake in the dark by yourself?" questioned Andre fearfully.

Firmin rolled his eyes at his best friend. "Goodness Andre.You're such a girl. It was a just a story ,and he'll be fine walking by himself." said Firmin in a reassuring tone.

Phillipe looked gratefully at Firmin. "What he said.Bye now." With no more interruptions,the young noble races off towards the lake.

Firmin looks at the leaving figure. "Great.Now it is just the two of us." He looks over at his frightened partner and adds in a creepy voice. "And the Lady of the Lake."

Andre jumps at the thought. "Don't say that Firmin!She could be listening at this very moment,and might decide to exact revenge upon us." He than cowers in fear in anticipation of the ghostly entity.

Firmin just rolls his eyes.

_In the woods,Phillipe sees a figure bending down.He excitedly walks up to it._

"There you are my precious little ballerina." says Phillipe happily.

The figure turns around all the way so that Phillipe can see the figure clearly. "Monsieur le Vicomte?" It's the Persian,while he was in the middle of relieving himself.

It takes a while for the shock to register with Phillipe.His eyes finally widen. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He runs off screaming in the opposite direction.

_Back at the campsite._

Firmin and Andre lift their heads as they hear the high pitched screaming. "What in heavens name is that?"

"IT'S THE LADY OF THE LAKE,SHE SCREAMS BEFORE SHE KILLS!" yells Andre in horror as he cowers up in the fetal position and starts to rock himself.

_In another part of the woods Erik is still searching for the Persian._

"Nadir?Where are you?" He stops as he hears the screams. "Is that the Viscount? Wonder what scared him so bad." He shrugs it off and continues his search. Suddenly he sees a figure in the lake.He walks toward the figure. "Hey Daroga.I've been looking for you."

The figure turns around. "Mon Dieu!" screams Antoinette as she turns to face Erik.

Erik continues to stand there. "Oh my. Antoinette?" The disfigured boy still remains firmly rooted in his spot.

"Good Lord Erik! Get away!" shouted Antoinette as she now throws rocks at him while also trying to cover herself up.

"No need to be violent.Sheesh." He finally walks away with his eyes glazed over.

_Back at the campsite Phillipe is recounting his story to Antoinette._

"It was horrible.I saw him there ,and everything became a blur.And I just started to run for all I was worth.It was horrible Antoinette,just horrible." He than starts to break down. "Than I heardthese girly screams...And I realized that it was _me._" Phillipe than just places his head in his hands and starts to rock back and forth.

Antoinette looks at him with a bit of pity,but than it disappears. "Well I have worse problems. Erik is a _good_ artist. Now he's going to drawme ,and the pictures will be all over his lair and the opera house.Than people all over the damn opera house will be talking about me.I'll be Miss Nude Ballerina!"

_The next morning Phillipe,Antoinette,Firmin,and Andre go over to where they had left the carriage.Except that there is no carriage._

"Where's the carriage?" exclaimed an exasperated Phillipe.

"It's painfully obvious,Phillipe!" shouted Andre in an angry tone. "The Lady of the Lake stole it!" yelled he to the staring group.

Firmin stares at his friend tryingto forget about the stupid statement his friend has just made. "Why would a ghost steal our carriage?" pointed out the more level headed of the two future managers.

"What exactly is she supposed to do in order to get around? Hitch hike? I don't think so! Who would pick up a ghost?" exclaimed the still angry Andre.

Firmin than turns to the couple beside him. "And people sometimes can't tell us apart." He shakes his head in wonder.

Phillipe looks around and realizes who is missing. "Why didn't I realize it before? Erik and Nadir probably took it to mess with us."

Antoinette cringes at the mention of Erik's name. "He is probably racing home to start drawing those damn pictures.I'm going to kill him."

Andre looks around at the group in disbelief. "Guys,if I'm right about the Lady of the Lake, and I probably am, than Erik and Nadir are probably dead by now."

Everyone stares at their goofball friend.Firmin smacks him in the head,and they all sit down waiting for another ride.  
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_After the Opera house burned down,Erik got a job at amusic store thatFirmin just happens to own.It's Christmas Eve andFirmin wants Erik to stay over time._

"Yes.So I would like it you could close up on Christmas Eve for me." said the former manager in a nonchalant tone.

The former opera ghost gives his employer a funny look. "Why would we be open on Christmas Eve in the first place?" inquired Erik in a puzzled tone.

"Well you see Erik," Firmin moved closer and put an arm around Erik's shoulder.

Erik looked at the hand. "Don't touch me if you wish to keep that arm." threatened the employee.

Firmin takes his arm off and goes on with his explanation. "Christmas Eve is a big night. Imagine someoneriding home from work. Fa la la la la."

"Nobody works on Christmas Eve,Monsieur Firmin." interrupted Erik.

"Suddenly," continued Firmin ,ignoring the point that his employee had just said, "he realizes that he has forgotten to buy a gift.As he cruises down the lane he notices that we are the only store open. What does he do? He comes in and buys an organ." He finishes his narrative with a wide grin.

"So this person would be deranged?" asked Erik in a cynical tone.

That question brings Firmin out of his reverie. "That is not for me to judge.As long as he has money he's allright with me. So what do you say?" he looks at Erik pleadingly.

Erik sighs. "Fine.I shall do it."

Firmin's smile widens. "Good.I knew that you could be trusted.You will have to wear the Santa suit obviously."

Erik started to chuckle. "You got me there!" He continues to chuckle lightly.

His employer becomes very serious. "I am serious.You have to wear the suit." said the boss quite demandingly.

Erik's eyes narrow. "I said that you got me." He said with teeth clenched ,and his eyes glowing.

"You're right! You don't have to wear it.I got you there!" said Firmin as he laughed nervously and backed away from Erik as quickly as he could.

_On Christmas Eve,Erik is just sitting in the store trying to make a new Christmas carol._

"Hmmmm I wonder if people would enjoy a song about certain nobles on fire..." mused the genius.His train of thought was broken though when he heard the bell at the front door jingle and someone rushing in. "What weirdo would be hear on Christmas Eve?" asked Erik to himself.

He looks to the counter and sees Raoul there. "Hello Erik." puffed Raoul. He was huffing and puffing and seemed very red in the face.

Erik stared at the Viscount in front of him. "What are you doing here? It is Christmas Eve.Shouldn't you be home with your wife?" The last question held some bitterness in it.

"Well," began the Vicomte ina hurried voice, "I was enjoying my evening at home until I realized that I had forgotten to buy a present for Christine.So I raced out of the house in search for a gift." Raoul than took a deep breath. "Do you know that you're the only store open in this area that's open on Christmas Eve?" asked the boy with wonder in his voice.

"Yes,I do." replied the Phantom in a dull voice.

"I didn't bring much money with me.What could I get for 17 francs?" asked the noble.

Erik stared at him. "Uhhhhh we have some nice cleaning cloths." offered Erik in an attempt to get some comission.

"No." said Raoul as he looks around. "How much is that organ?"  
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**A/N-**There you are.So review if you feel like.I'll still write if noone reviews but it makes me happier when you do review.So in the end it's up to you.Hope you enjoyed.


	4. Clubs & Dads

**A/N-**Since I felt guilty about taking so long I decided to get another chapter up.Thanks reviewers.You know who you are since I only seem to have two.Well you two rock.Oh yes,mostly Antoinette&co.Now you can enjoy.And I forgot what Phillipe's whole name was so don't sue mebecause I was guessing.

**Disclaimer-**If you're looking for who owns Phantom or That 70s Show,than as Bob Dylan once wrote, "It ain't me babe,No no no,It ain't me babe.It ain't me your lookin' for."  
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_It is a weekend and the gang is getting ready to go to a club.Phillipe is already done and is just pacing around the room when he hears someone._

"Phillipe,are you there?" asks Antoinette from a distance.

The young Viscount looks up toward the voice. "Yes.I'm right in here." responds Phillipe. He starts to strike a manly pose in an attempt to make the ballerina swoon at the sight of him,but as she enters the room it becomes a bit more of the opposite.

Antoinette comes into the room in a dazzling red dress.All that Phillipe can do is drop his jaw and stare.She notices the attention she's getting from him. "Why are staring at me?"

"You are so..." the noble gets at a loss for words, "opera house."

She gives him a bit of a confused look. "Thank you...I think.So should we..."

"Shhhhh." commands Phillipe cutting her off mid-sentence. "Let me just...gaze at you for a few more minutes."

Antoinette giggles at this. "Allright.Let's just..."

"NO!" shouts Phillipe. He looks at her for 10 more seconds. "Okay,I'm good now." The pair links arms and walks off.

_Now we see Phillipe,Firmin,Andre,and Antoinette approach the club.Erik comes trailing behind them._

"People here are strange yet friendly." mused the still innocent boy.

"Why would you say that?" asked Firmin.

"Well," started Erik "as I was walking behind you guys these two women on a street corner offered to have sexual relations with me!" He looks at them all with awe in his eyes.

"They do it for money Erik." said Andre breaking Erik's impression of the two ladies.

"I could never ask them for money!" exclaimed Erik in horror.

"Exactly." replied Andre.He than thought for a bit,which made his eyes grow wide in excitement. "Or could you?"

They all give Andre a strange look.They than turn their attention towards the bouncer.

Antoinette looks around at the huge crowd in doubt. "This crowd is so big.I wonder how long we will have to wait?Let's go ask." She than leads the way towards the bouncer. "Excuse me sir,but how long..."

The bouncer takes one look at her. "You're in!" declared the bouncer as he lifted the velvet rope to let her in.

"Thanks! This is wonderful!" She starts to head toward the door. The four boys start to follow her when the bouncer pushes them back.

"Not you."

The ballerina hears this and turns around.She looks a bit worried. "Oh.Maybe I should just wait for you guys."

"No.We're going to be in there really soon.I bet we're next.Just goon in!" insisted the Viscount.

"Allright.I'll see you in there than!" She than turns around and darts into the club.

Firmin looks at the other guys in the group. "You're probably right,Phillipe. It's probably some fire code thing. They just don't want to overload the club." Everyone else nods in agreement. But just as they all agreed four guys walked up to the bouncer ,and he let them in.

Erik became enraged at this. "What is happening? We were next!"

The bouncer merely shook his head at this. "No you aren't."

"What do you mean we're not next?" asked Andre.

"Well,poodle, my job is to let the cool people in and the nerds out." simply stated the bouncer.

"Those poor idiotic nerds!" exclaimed Erik. He than starts to laugh,when he realizes something. "Ohhhhhhh,we are the nerds! You made me call myself idiotic! You must die!" He than tries to lunge at the bouncer ,but the boys hold him back. "Lucky for you that I forgot my Punjab lasso!" shouted the mad genius before his friends got him out of hearing distance.

_One hour later and the guys are still outside._

Firmin walks up to Phillipe. "Did giving the bouncer ten francs work?"

Phillipe looks at his tall friend cynically. "Yes it did,Firmin.That is why I am in the club right now." said the Vicomte sarcastically.

Suddenly Antoinette comes back outside. "I have been searching for you guys all over! This place is great! Why aren't any of you in there?"

Phillipetries to explain. "Oh,but we did go inside.We saw youand waved ,but you were uhhhhh..."

"Dancing." provided Erik.

"Exactly!"shouted Phillipe. "Than we walked around at went through this ummmmm..."

"Door." offered Firmin.

"Yes!" shouted Phillipe oncemore."We went through a door,got locked out,and now here we are standing..."

"In line?" said Andre rather unsurely.

"Correct!" yelled Phillipe. "So just go back in.We're like the next ones in anyways."

The ballerina looks at them suspicously.Hergaze softens."Okay.So when you guys get back in try and find me." She than walks back in the club.

The bouncer smirks at them. "Real smooth."

Firmin's spirit raises at this. "Smooth enough to let us in?"

The bouncer chuckles."No."

Erik storms up to the bouncer. "You have to let me in!"

"Why? Didn't you just threaten to kill me?"

"Don't worry.He does that to a lot of people." explained Phillipe.

"I'll tell you why you should let me in!" yelled Erik. "Because I can put on one awesome party!" He than starts to perform some magic tricks and uses a bit of his ventriloquism.He even goes as far as singing for some of the ladies in the crowd.When he is done,everyone applauds him ,and he bows.

The bouncer looks at him with new found approval in his eyes. "Okay.You can come in." He than lifts the rope to let the young boy in.

"Awesome!" He starts to run in,but not before turning around to taunt his friends. "So long nerds!"

_One hour later and the three of them are still outside._

Firmin and Phillipe try to rush at the door,but the bouncer comes up and grabs them both by the collar before they can reach the door.

"So much for the 'There is no way he could stop us both.' theory." said Phillipe bitterly to Firmin.

"I think that I could make it." said Andre bravely. "He would never be expecting someone to try it **again.**" And with that he tried to sneak up to the door and go in.But just like before the bouncer grabbed him by the collar and threw him to the side.

"Who would have thoughtthat wouldn't of worked?" asked Phillipe rather sarcastically.

Firmin glared at the bouncer.He was now very angry. "This is a travesty! Did we wake up in a dictatorship this morning!"

"I don't think we did." replied Andre.

"That's right! We didn't!" Firmin than marches up to the bouncer. "I want to tell you something,buddy! You are supporting a false system,sir! Because one day people will wake up and smell the coffee ,and they are going to realize that not everyone fits into your idea of cool! And when those people do, I wil be there to lead through the streets! We will than rise up and put you on trial! Than we willstorm down the streets with your** head on a stick**!" He finishes his speechand rises to the bouncer's level.

The bouncer nods his head at him in approval. "Great political outrage.You can come in." He than lifts the rope to let Firmin in.

"Cool." He turns back to his friends. "See you later."

Phillipe watches pitifully as Firmin goes in.

Andre looks after him also and tris a lame attempt at the same type of political outrage. "Like he said.The revolution will soon be upon us...and your back will be against the...wall and stuff...DAMN! Just let me in please! My friends are in there! Including his girlfriend!" He points at Phillipe.

The bouncer looks at them in suprise. "That hot thin girl is your girlfriend?"

"Yes."answers Phillipe.

The bouncer shakes his head. "I thought that was your sister or something. What does she see in you?"

The young noble looks like he has been slapped in the face by this comment. "What does she see? What does she see? I will tell you ,good sir, what she sees! She sees Phillipe Georges Marie de Chagny! Or as you commoners might refer to me as, the Vicomte de Chagny!"

The bouncer paled at this revelation. "I am so sorry.Of course you can come in.Please don't arrest me." He than lifts the rope so that Phillipe may enter.

The Viscount smiles at this. "Thank you very much.See you later Andre." He than proceeds to go in.

Andre looks at him in dismay.He than turns his attention towards the bouncer once more."Well if she was my girlfriend ,and the bouncer than I would be in the club." The bouncer still doesn't let him in. "Dumbass!" yells Andre. "You heard me! I insulted you." He than walks off to figure something out.

_Another hour later and Andre comes around a corner with a cup in his hand._

"So that was two creams in the coffee,right?" asks the short boy as he gives the bouncer his cup.He watches him guzzle down the drink."So I guess I can just...go inside." He starts to move towards the rope.

The bouncer starts to lift it. "Ye..." He than lowers it. "No."

Andre's face lowers in disappointment.But slowly the frown is replaced by a mischievous grin. "Well,despite what you say,I am going to get into that club very soon."

The bouncer gives him a confused look. "What do you mean by that? There is no way you are...going...t..t..to.." Suddenly the bouncer's body jolts.He clutches his stomach,gives Andre a questioning look,and collapses on the ground.

Andre snickers at this. "Rule number one...Don't **ever** trust someone who hangs out with a kid who wears a mask . Rule number two...Don't let said kid get your coffee for you. Rule three...I rule." And with this lame little add on Andre stepped over the bouncer and went towards the door to start enjoying his evening.  
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**A/N-** I know that a bunch of people do that whole 'Ye...no' thing ,but I would like to say that I got it from my friend Nate.Thanks Nate.  
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_Erik never knew his father,but that is about to change..._

Erik is just up in the rafters enjoying the ongoing practice whenAndre rushes up to him.The disfigured boy gives his friend a strange look asAndre is very red in the face and is having difficulty breathing. "What are you doing here,Andre?" asked the little ghost impatiently.

Andre huffed in the air a bit more before answering in very choppy breaths. "There...is...this guy...down there...He  
is...asking...around...for Erik." He inhales very deeply befor continuing. "He's been yelling 'DO YOU KNOW AN ERIK? DO YOU KNOW AN ERIK?' People have been giving him the strangest looks.I went up to him and told him that I knew an Erik so here I am." The young man puts his hands on his hips and leans back on the railing. "You should consider a better hang out spot.It's so hard to get up here!"

The soon to be Phantom freezes at the mention of this man.Without saying anything he hurries down the rafters towards the area that Andre had come from.He soon comes upon a man that is frantically running everywhere screaming for the whereabouts of an Erik.The boy goes behind the man and taps him on the back.The man turns around to respond to the tap,when he looks down and sees Erik.At the sight of the half-mask his eyes widen in recognition.

"ERIK! IT IS YOU! I HAVE FOUND YOU AT LAST!" yelled the man in excitement.He than picked up the shocked boy and started to hug him.

Erik,not used to this kind of reaction from people, struggles to get out of the man's grip.He finds it a bit hard to get out ,as the man seemingly has an iron grip. Erik is finally able to get out of the hold with a good kick between the stranger's legs.The man collapses on to the ground clutching his private area. Fortunately for Erik,the only ones who saw him do this was Firmin who came running up to Erik.

"Whoa.Why did you just kick this guy,Erik?" asked Firmin.

"Because this **psychopath** began to hug me for no good reason." Erik looks at the man on the floor. "Why did you hug me,monsieur?"

The man looked up at the disfigured boy with tears in his eyes. "Because...I am your father."

Erik and Firmin's eyes widen at this."Oh." said the son very simply. "So I guess that means I should do this." Erik walks toward the injured man,and his father thinks that he is going to help him up.Instead he kicks him in the stomach.

"Oooooooo." says Firmin painfully,as if it had just happened to him.

Erik's father writhes his body in pain. "I guess I sort of deserved that." weezed the man before he slowly gets up.Seeing the murderous glare in his son's eyes he takes a few steps back.

"So you are Erik's father." remarked Firmin. "I have heard a few things about you here and there."

Erik's dad's face brightens a bit at this. "I hope they were all good things." said the man happily.

The disfigured boy glares at his father. "If abandoning your only child is a good thing ,than ,yes." says the boy bitterly.

His father tries to chuckle to shrug off the awkwardness.He just winces instead as it hurts his stomach.He looks longingly at his son. "You look better.You have your mother's eyes and my hair. How long has it been?"

"13 years and 21 days." spouts the genius immediately.

His father grimaces a bit at how quickly it took for him to respond. "Wow.Time really goes by when you are..."

"Off neglecting your family?" answers Erik.

His father once again gets an uncomfortable look. "Huh.I was going to say 'having fun' but same thing.I've been looking for you for a while.And now I've found you again we can be happy!"

"Happy?" questions Erik. "Wait,let me get this straight. **YOU **tried to **LOOK** for **ME** after **YOU **had **LEFT ME!** Well that just makes you father of the year.See you later papa." He starts to walk away ,thinks better of it, and gives his father one more kick to the shins before leaving. "See you around 'dad'." says Erik mockingly. "If you can still walk." mutters the young boy before he disappears into the shadows.

Firmin looks after the shadow.He than turns his attention to the figure writhing around the floor in pain. "Charming young man he has become."

_Later,Firmin has just finished relating the story to Antoinette and Phillipe._

Antoinette looks at Firmin in suprise as he finishes. "His father is back! I should talk to Erik to see how he is feeling." she than starts to get up so that she can talk to her friend.

Firmin reaches out a hand to stop her. "Antoinette,you of all people know how Erik is.He likes to bottle things up."

Phillipe nods his head in agreement. "And that's exactly how it should be.So good for him that he bottles it up."

Antoinette glares at the Viscount. "It is because he bottles things up that he breaks into murderous rants! And what should he do,pretend his father doesn't exist!"

Phillipe simply shrugs. "Fine.Go and talk to him.Stick your nose where it doesn't belong."

"I will." the ballerina than storms out in search of her masked friend.

_After searching for him all over the opera house,she finally finds him in his house._

The ballerina approaches the young boy cautiously. "Are you allright,Erik? I heard about your recent discovery."

The masked boy didn't even turn around. "I am perfectly fine. I can do without that oaf of a man that calls himself my father."

"Well maybe now is your opportunity to get to know him better." said the ballerina hopefully. "You could start to make some wonderful memories."

Erik turns to face her and starts to go deep into thought.He pictures his father walking along a stage ,when suddenly a trap door opens from underneath him ,and he falls down it.Erik comes running out of the shadows and starts to point and laugh down at the hole. He than pictures him and his father practicing with a Punjab lasso.His father than hands the lasso to him to see how he will do.Instead of throwing towards the intended target,Erik drapes the piece of catgut around his father's neck and tugs until he gets knocked out.He than imagines himself waking from a horrible nightmare.His father comes in and hands him a bottle of wine to soothe his nerves.Erik takes a good swig,but when his dad tries to take the bottle back he holds on to it tightly and bops his father over the head withthe bottle.He than stops his little train of thought. A large smile soon appears on his face. "I think that is asplendid idea."  
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**A/N-**There you have it.Wow,this is like my longest chapter.If you are wondering what happens to Erik and his father well than those ideas should give you a good idea.I also have no intention of writing anything more of his father.So I hoped you like this though it was horribly long.


	5. Quizzes & Prayers

**A/N-**Here we are again.As always,I love my only two reviewers cough**Genius of Music**and**AngelxInxHell**cough.Oh I must apologizeahead of time for any inconsistencies you might see.I am not a very consistent person.Well actually I try to be,but I will bend the stoy a bit so that it can help me. I'm sorry if I offend anyone with the second skit. Yeah so enough with the drabble and on to the hilarity!

**Disclaimer-**Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I don't own anything that has been seen on television or been performed on broadway.Kapeesh?  
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_After Christine and Raoul get married,Phillipe goes into beserker rage,and he constantly fights with Christine.Raoul can't take it and goes to Erik with his problem._

The agitated Viscount sighs and sits next to Erik. "I just cannot take it! They are constantly at each other's throats!"

"Did you ever think about telling them both to can it?" suggested the Phantom in a voice that sounded like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"No,I cannot do that." said Raoul sadly. "I just want for there to be peace in the house."

Erik rolls his eyes at him. "Don't tell me,dear Vicomte, that you want the greeting card family?"

Raoul throws him a confused look. "The what card family?"

Erik takes a deep breath and starts to explain. "You know.That family that is just ever so perfect...

_We see a giant greeting card and inside are Christine,Raoul,and Phillipe seated on a couch.They are all joyful and smiling.Erik does the voices for all of them._

Christine's mouth opens and out comes a soft voice saying, "To my wonderful brother-in-law on this beautiful day.Your smiling face,your kind embrace,has made this home a happy place."

Phillipe's mouth opens and out comes a pompous voice saying, "And I am so delighted that it is you,to who my darling brother went to."

Than Raoul's mouth opens and a high pitched voice comes out saying, "And I am happy that you two are happy because otherwise my life would be crappy."

_The card image disappears as we come back to the two men._

The Viscount stares at him for a while."My voice is not htat high!" squeals Raoul by accident.He ignores the laugh that Erik is trying to conceal. "Anyways,I don't desire that kind of lifestyle."

"Yes you do.I can see it in those hopeful,blue eyes of yours." said the Opera Ghost mockingly. "But the reality is this...

_We see the giant greeting card reappear with the three still seated on the same couch.This time around,they are all frowning and seem cold._

Phillipe'smouth opens. "To my whore-in-law.You stole my kin."

Christine jerks her head in his direction. "We are married and that is fin!"

Phillipe turns to Raoul. "You took my mother."

Raoul gives Phillipe an icy stare. "Shut up ,brother."

Christine looks forward sadly. "I try my best."

Phillipe rolls his eyes. "That's a jest."

Raoul stands up. "I need to get out."

Phillipe glares at Christine. "Why don't you go and pout?"

Christine gives him a death glare. "NO NEED TO SHOUT!"

_The giant card image disappears as well to show the two men once more._

Raoul hangs his head and places it in his hands. "How did you know? It is as if you go to my home and see everything that takes place!"

At the last statement Erik turns his head and starts to whistle innocently.  
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It is Sunday and Meg and Madame Giry are at church.At the insistence of the Persian Erik went also.He and the Persian are all the way in the back sort of hidden in a corner._

The priest finished up the prayer he was saying. "All rise for a moment of silent meditation."

Everyone gets up and we go into their heads.

The Persian bows his head and starts to thank God. "Even though I sort of believe in a different deity I hope that you will not strike me down.Well thank you for helping me kick my opium habit.It was a disgusting, sordid, filthy habit that I needed to give up.Yet, it helped meget away at to think of it, it was pretty soothing and delicious...OH NO! I'm FINE!Ummmmm Amen."

We go all the way to Madame Giry. "Dear Lord,what are with all the bums that constantly roam about the streets! Couldn't you do something about that? Could you also try and make Erik a bit more cheery? Because he really depresses me with his depression ,and you are about the only person I know that can work miracles.Amen."

We switch to Meg,who is standing right next to her mother. "Dear God, I know it must be a pain for so many people to bother you on your day off,but I would really appreciate your help.You see, I still have these dirty thoughts about the Vicomte ,but that is a problem since he is very content with Christine.This obsession with him has also been keeping me from concentrating on my ballerina duties.So if you could either kill off Christine or burn down the opera house...again.Both would be nice also.It would help me out so much,sir.I mean God.Or is it Lord?Maybe it's Jesus.Whatever.Amen."

Than we finally go to Erik all the way in his shadowy corner."Dear Lord,I'm not sure why I am here.Maybe you know since you are supposedly omnipotent.But since you do everything for a purpose,would it kill you to throw me a bone once in a while? I mean sheesh! How much heartache must I endure! Even that Dantes fellow from that Count novel got to see the better side of things! Amen. Oh,watch over Christine and kill her husband.You know,the usual things I go on about.Blah blah blah.Amen for real."  
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_(A/N-The following is an Antoinette and co. I'm going to start putting in La Sorelli sometimes. She can be Jackie/Laurie.And in these quizzes the lowest is 100 while the highest is 2,000)_

Firmin,Phillipe,and Sorelli are just sitting in the seats of the opera house when Erik comes rushing up to them.He seems very excited.

"Guess what." says the genius proudly.

The future prima ballerina rolls her eyes. "Nobody needs to guess.It's always about some dead thing or what you would like to do to someone." says the girl rather snootily.

Erik gives her an evil glare. "I said guess not give snooty remarks." threatened the boy. He than went back to his happy face. "Come on.Would you not like to know what I have to say?"

Firmin shakes his head. "Sometimes I'm afraid at what you have to say. You probably say things nicely in your head,but when it comes out all I see is blind rage."

"REALLY?" shouted the now enraged boy. "Well I guess those **intelligence quizzes **we were forced to take likes it when it is**threatened** because I received **2,000 points**!" yelled the still furious genius.He than calmed down at the thought of his other news. "I also beat up this stage hand who tried to take off my mask." stated Erik quite proudly.

At that moment Antoinette walks in and stands in the aisle next to Erik.

Phillipe turns to the future ballerina instructor. "Hold on.So those quiz results are in? What did you get,Antoinette?"

"Oh yes,I did.I got a 1230." said the girl rather carelessly.

The Viscount's eyes open in amazement. "A 1230! That is extraordinary! Why didn't you say anything?"

"Well I only got them this morning. I also did not wish to brag." said the girl humbly. "I mean,yes I did AWESOME!" her face glowed, "But no big deal."

Suddenly the doors burst open and Phillipe's mother comes rushing in. The Comtesse seems very happy. "Oh Phillipe darling, those quiz results came in! The envelope justhappened to be in my hand,than the letter justhappened to slide into my palm. I also just happened to have my reading glasses on,and I read your score." She beams at him proudly. "You got a 800!"

All the young people become silent and try to hold in their snickers.

Phillipe stares in horror. "An 800! That is all!"

His mother gives him a confused look. "What do you mean that's all? If you multiply 8 by 100 than you get 800! That is 8 perfect grades!"

Sorelli breaks the young people's silence. "Excuse me Comtesse de Chagny,but an 800 is not that good. The dumbest ballet rat can dance better than that."

"I know." said Erik. "My lasso has probably killed people smarter than that."

The Comtesse looks about. "Are you sure?"

"It's true Madam de Chagny." said Firmin. "Erik,though he may be a bit mad, did superbly well, Antoinette did better,heck I think even Sorelli here did better and she didn't even take it."

Phillipe's mother looks around. "Oh.Well than this very awkward.I guess I should be going home to tell the servants to stop making celebration food." She than walks slowly back outside.

Firmin looked at his embarrassed friend. "Don't worry,Vicomte.I'm sure things will shape up. I got a 950 ,and I wasn't even paying attention.Goodness I don't even remeber taking that quiz."

Antoinette looks at him in suprise. "You got a 950? Who would have thought it from a perverted,theory conspirarist."

He nods in agreement. "Who know what things could happen if I only apply myself? I guess we'll never know."

Phillipe looks down at the ground dejectedly. "I cannot believe that I have the lowest score here."

Erik walks over and pats his back. "There there Vicomte. Someone had to hold up the rest of us." said the boy in a meant to be soothing fashion. "There is nothing wrong with that.Well actually there is." He takes his hand off his back and starts to shake his finger at him. "Shame on you for not doing better."

Antoinette kicks Erik in the leg. "Don't rub it in!" hissed the girl to Erik. She than looks over at Phillipe. "Don't worry Phillipe.It is just a stupid quiz."

Phillipe raises his head at these encouraging words.He rises up and tries to put on a happy face. "You are right.I don't care!"

Suddenly the doors burst open again and Andre comes down the aisle with a giant grin across his face." I GOT A 1,030!" exclaimed the young man happily.

Phillipe stares in horror,slumps down in his seat,and begins to sob horribly.  
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**A/N-**I just had to mention the Count of Monte Cristo since I am currently reading it and am lovin it.I am also going to be very preoccupied the next of couple of days so posting will be delayed a bit longer than usual.I'm sorry,but life is a cruel mistress.


	6. Pranks & Arguments

**A/N**-So here we are again.I like that you people enjoy this because after all I'm only writing for you guys.And for the typing practice.With that awkward note,I bring you my random assortment of funny stuff.And the first one is Antoinette and co.

**Disclaimer-**If my name was Andrew Lloyd Webber than I could say that I own it.It's not,so I don't.I also don't have anything to do with That 70s Show.I just watch it because it's awesome.  
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_Firmin,Phillipe,and Erik walk into Phillipe's house and right there at the door is Andre._

"Hey guys." said Andre.There was a gleam of joy shining in his eyes. "Today is **friendship** day! And on account of this momentousday I have gotten all of my friends gifts." He than goes and guides each one of his friends to the gift he has gotten them.He leads Firmin over to the couch and gives him a magazine. "For my friend who likes to stare at pictures." He gives Phillipe a platter of wrapped up candies. "For my friend with the sweet tooth almost as big as mine." He than leads Erik over to a nice looking music box. "For my friend who adores music above all." He than takes a step back to watch his friends enjoy their gifts.Not all is what it appears to be though for soon things go amiss.

As Phillipe popsabout five little pieces of candyinto his mouth he soon spitsthem out and starts to make a wretching noise."Mon Dieu! These are disgusting!"

When Erik opened up the music box,snakes came jumping out at him causing him to jump back a few feet."AHHHHH!" screamed the young man. "What is the meaning of this?"

And when Firmin sat down, a large farting noise was produced.He looks up in embarrassment. "That wasn't me!" shouts the boy defensively.

They all turn and see Andre laughing so hard that he has to clutch his sides."THAT WAS AWESOME! A TRIPLE BURN! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Prank day is awesome!"

Phillipe looks at him in shock. "What did you just feed me?"

"Oh,I just injected the chocolate with dirt." said the prankmaster casually.

"What!" Phillipe than grabs a toothbrush that just happens to be on the table and starts to scrape his tongue.

Erik looks at him furiously. "You little git! You did this all just for your amusement! I swear that if I find my lasso than..."

"You mean like the one that's just sitting on the table right there." offered Andre in what seemed like a stupid gesture.

Erik gives him a look that is both appreciative and murderous. "Thank you.Now when I kill you,it can also be attributed to your own stupidity." He than picks up the lasso with both of his hands.He tries to adjust the knot when he finds that he can't move his hands. "What the deuce?"

Andre's smile gets even wider. "Super glue is a marvelous invention." said the prankster airily.

Phillipe chuckles at Erik's little predicament. "Funny.I am just glad that I got that filthy tast off my mouth." The Viscount tries to put the toothbrush back on the table,but finds that it will not leave his hand. "Oh no!" cried he in horror. "I have been glued." admitted the noble in dismay.

Firmin nodded his head in approval. "You have really outdone yourself Andre. You knew that Phillipe couldn't just wait to become clean ,and you also took advantage of Erik's blind rage.I congratulate you." He holds out his hand to Andre for him to shake.Andre takes the hand and yanks it forcing Firmin from his seat.Andre starts laughing even harder than before,for the seat cushion that Firmin had been sitting on was firmly attached to his buttocks.

Erik smirks at this. "It appears he also took advantage of his friend that likes to sit."

Firmin shoots Erik a dirty look. "Shut it." He than redirects his attention to Andre. "I'm going to kill you!"

Andre laughs at the threat. "How?Are you going to squish me with your cushion butt!" Firmin tries to lunge at him,but Andre avoids it. "Hahahahahahahaha. Cushion butt!" He than sees the other two get up and try to attack him. "Crud." He than runs out of the house as fast as he can.

_Later Phillipe,Firmin,and Erik are standing in the kitchen gathered around a giant pot._

Erik is staring into the pot with an evil gleam in his eye. "He'll never suspect when we get him with this giant bucket of oatmeal!" He than gives an evil laugh which makes the other two boys back up in fear. "I don't know why you just won't let me strangle him.It would be clean,quick,and above all easy."

Phillipe shakes his head. "No Erik.The point is to get him back,not steal his life so that he can't feel the burning humiliation of what he put us through." explained the Viscount to Erik.

"Whatever suits your fancy." mutters Erik darkly.He keeps on stirring the contents of the pot when the Persian comes walking in.

"Why hello.What are all of you up to?" asked the foreigner innocently.

They all knew that the Persian was against any forms of revenge even if it be for laughs so they tried to come up with a lie.

"We are cooking a meal for...for...for...uhhhhh." stuttered the nervous Firmin.

"FOR CHARITY!" shouted Erik.

"That's right!" exclaimed Phillipe. "It's an oatmeal charity drive for the poor."

The Persian scrunched his face up in doubt. "Okay." He than walks over to the pot and tastes some of it.He soon gags at the taste. "Goodness! They may be poor ,but I they do have taste buds.Try putting in some spices or condiments." And with that suggestion the Persian left them to their little project.

_Ten minutes later Erik and Phillipe are standing at the back entrance of the opera house.They have just perched thebucket ofoatmeal above the door._

Phillipe smirks at the bucket. "I can't wait to see Andre's face when that oatmeal comes pouring on him."

"I still think it would have been better to strangle him,but whatever you think works." said Erik who was still upset at the prospect of not being able to strangle someone.

Firmin comes rushing up to them. "I told Andre to meet us ,and I just saw someone coming this way!" With that news they all look expectantly at the door.

Suddenly Andre burst in from behind them.He is flushed and excited. "Where is the giant chocolate rabbit?"

The trio's eyes widen as they hear Andre behind them. "Wait a minute." said Firmin. "If you came that way than who did I see..." They all jerk their heads back to the door as they hear it open ,and the bucket falls upon the head of someone who isn't Andre.

"MERDE!" screams the oatmeal covered Antoinette.She glares at the horror stricken boys. "Who did this?" hisses the ballerina.

Phillipe cowers in fear. "Please don't kill me." begs the boy.

Antoinette grabs him in a vice like grip and drags him off leaving the remaining boys to stare in silence.

_We go to Phillipe's kitchen where for some weird reason the Persian is currently at.Phillipe goes flying into the room soon followed by the oatmeal covered ballerina._

The Persian lifts his head up at this intrusion.He stares at Antoinette. "Antoinette! That oatmeal was for charity!" scolded the young man sternly.

She shoots him a look that dares him to try and speak again. "Charity? You believed that! Phillipe and our other charming friends were using it in a prank."

"It was intended for Andre!" exclaimed Phillipe in his defense. "We were trying to get him back for this dumb prank day that he made.It was never intended for you."

The Persian stands up in shock. "You were using that for means of revenge? How could you?"

"You are missing the bigger picture." said Antoinette. "He got bested by **GILLES ANDRE!** How did he get you? You might as well have disgraced your family name!" shouted the ballerina.

Phillipe gave her a confused look. "I'm sorry." said the boy slowly. "I was not aware that the honor of my family's name was at stake."

"Well it is.Tell you what,I am going to help you guys out." offered Antoinette kindly.

The Vicomte gives her an incredulous look. "You will! That's great."

The Persian walks over to the pair. "I am afraid that I cannot allow you to help him out.You are not teaching him good things."

"I am teaching him how to work on the defensive!" shouted the ballerina to the foreigner. "He needs to know how to strike back at his enemies! What is going to happen if I don't teach him these things now?" questioned the girl.

"You do know that I am standing right here." said Phillipe. "So you can just address things about me **to** me."

"Silence!" yelled the ballerina.And suprisingly he clammed up and looked at the floor.She shakes her head in disappointment. "See how he just took it? There is something wrong with him."

"I still disagree with this whole prank thing." argued the Persian. He than walked out of the kitchen shaking his head.

_One day later Antoinette,Erik,Phillipe,and Firmin are standing in the entrance of the opera house._

"This is what we have done." began Erik, "We placed a box of chocolates on the stairs of the opera house,because that dandy just can't resist candy."

"We also iced down the stairs." continued Firmin, "So when he runs up them he'll just slip."

Antoinette beams at them proudly. "Good job." She stops and listens to the air. "Oooo I hear someone approaching!"

They all crouch behind the doors and try to peer out of the doors,when a voice distracts them.

"Hey guys.Why are you all crouching behind the door?" asked Andre.

They all freeze and slowly turn to see that Andre is standing behind them.

Antoinette's eyes widen. "If you are here,than who is..."

Her question is soon answered when they hear a cry from outside.They run outside and see the Persian on the stairs cluthcing his ankle.

"Nadir!" exclaims Erik in shock.He rushes over to his dear friend's side.

"I think I heard a pop." said the Persian as he continued to clutch his ankle. "I just wanted to come over ,and I raced up the stairs and here I am."

Phillipe began to pale. "I am so sorry.Noone was supposed to get hurt.We thought that it was just going to be a harmless prank."

The Persian's face flared at the mention of the word prank. "A PRANK! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THOSE?"

"I am sincerely sorry." apologized Antoinette.The look on her face shadowed exactly what she had said.

"We should bring him inside." suggested Andre. "Firmin,you take his legs and I'll take his arms." He than motions for Firmin to do so.They try to lift the Persian,but it looks very awkward.

Seeing the fear on his friend's face,Erik waves his hands at the bumbling duo. "PUT HIM DOWN!" commanded Erik. "Just go inside all of you."

Phillipe,Andre,Firmin,and Antoinette file back into the opera house leaving the Persian and Erik alone.Erik leans down,picks up his friend,and lets him lean on him. "I am so sorry Nadir." said the disfigured boy with a tone of the utmost regret. "I swear that I will try my hardest to stay away from any form of revenge." swore the boy.

Nadir gazes at him. "Okay than." He than gets off of Erik's shoulder,brushes himself off,and proceeds to walk in without any sign of a limp.

Erik stares dumbfoundly at this new revelation. "You were just faking!" exclaimed the boy in a tone of shock.

Nadir just nods at him as if it were nothing. "You'd be suprised at how many things I can fake." said he a bit mysteriously before continuing his walk.

Erik starts to laugh but than stops when he realizes what he means.  
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_After Raoul and Christine are married they stay with Phillipe and tend to argue **alot.** _

Phillipe is just enjoying a peaceful breakfast when an angry Raoul comes bursting through the door with an equally angry Christine trailing behind him.

"How many times," started the Viscount, "have I told you that the nightstand to the right is mine! Stop stuffing your belongings in my drawers! End of conversation!" shouted Raoul in a commanding tone.

Christine just crosses her arms and glares at him. "Don't you dare walk away from me! This conversation isn't even close to being over!" screeched the soprano.

"I will walk where I please! See as I walk on the counter!" He than gets on the top of the kitchen counter and than jumps off.

"Fine! Than I will just drink the last of your favorit bottle of wine!" She than storms off in a huff.

Raoul takes a seat next to Phillipe and smirks. "I win." said the young man in a contented voice.Seeing his brother's expression he explains. "I had to put a cigarette out in there."

Suddenly a screech is heard throughout the house. "Ewwwww!" yells Christine.

Phillipe shakes his head at all this noise. "Raoul,what is with you and your 'wife'? You two fight like like cats and wenches."

Raoul sighs. "Please refrain from insulting my wife."

The Comte just gives him a 'yeah right' look.

"Well the honeymoon is over." said Raoul. "I guess after all the excitement of almost dying ,I'm just left with a diva for a wife."

Christine comes back in with a straight face. "I cleared all of your things off the bed."

"Why would you do that?" asks her husband in shock.

"Because that is where we are going to make up!" explained the soprano. "Unless you don't feel like making up..." she than walks off.

A smile is now on the face of the young Viscount. "Honeymoon's back on!" yelled the boy before he ran off in pursuit of his wife.

_It is the next morning and Phillipe,Sorelli,Raoul,and Christine are gathered around the breakfast table.Raoul is currently reading the newspaper._

Christine sighs in frustration. "You know that I absoulutely detest it when you read the paper while I am sitting RIGHT NEXT TO YOU!"

Raoul doesn't even look up from his paper. "I am completely aware of it and that is why I do it Lotte."

The singer stands up in a hurry. "Well why don't you read the astrology section while you're at it! I bet it says that your wife WON'T LET YOU TOUCH HER IN ANY WAY!" She than storms out of the dining room.

"Oh here is my horoscope." said Raoul as he pointed to a certain spot of the paper. "It says that you might find yourself MARRIED TO A FLOOZY!" He also gets up and leaves in the opposite direction.

Sorelli looks at the the spot where Raoul exited for several seconds before turning to Phillipe. "Do you know why they fight? Because you decided to punish your brother by giving him a closet of a room.All that tension just builds and so they have no choice but to fight." said the Prima Ballerina rather wisely.

Phillipe considers what the dancer has just said. "You are absolutely right Sorelli!" exclaimed the Comte. "Okay.So you get them out of the house ,and I will change the locks and arrange for guards to keep him away."

"That's not what I meant Phillipe.I think you should let them move into the guest room." suggested Sorreli. "I mean there are so many rooms.It just sits there unused."

"It just sits there is a reason to shoot someone nolonger needed in society!" exclaimed the Comte. "It is **not** a reason to move in a brother who has defied you and a tramp-in-law that questions your authority!"

The dancer's eyes flares at this comment. "You let them in or else..."

Phillipe gulped for he knew what the 'or else' was. He grudingly nodded his head.

_That night Phillipe and Sorelli are lying in bed awake.They are listening to the fight going on from down the hallway._

"WHY IS THE LIGHT STILL ON?" yelled Raoul.

"IT IS SO THAT I CAN READ TO ESCAPE FROM YOUR SNORES!" shouts Christine in reply.

"I WAS SNORING TO DROWN OUT YOUR BORING CHATTER!"

Sorelli gets out of the bed. "That is it.I can no longer stand this! It is like a bunch of intoxicated gypsies are next door!" She than storms out of the room in search of a drink to calm her down.

Phillipe remains in the bed. "Hmmmm. Letting two arguing newlyweds move closer so that we can hear them argue even more.Who could have foreseen this..."

_The next day we see Sorelli and Christine in the kitchen while Phillipe and Raoul are in the living room._

"Christine dear,Phillipe and I felt like we should talk to you." said Sorelli in a compassionate voice.

"Raoul, Sorelli is forcing me to talk to you." said the Comte rather bluntly.

Sorelli placed a comforting hand on the young singer's thigh. "We are concerned that theway you two communicate is very unhealty to your marriage."

Phillipe sighs in an exhausted manner. "We are sick and tired of you two screeching at each other like a couple of drunk Irishmen." came the truthful yet blunt words of the Comte.He than hit his brother on the head.

Raoul rubs the spot that his brother just smacked. "Phillipe,what happens between Christine and me is confidential."

Christine looks at Sorelli earnestly. "I'll tell you anything you need to know.Our marriage is like an open book at the library."

Sorelli excitedly looks at her. "That is wonderful! Phillipe and I are the same way.Except for toiletries.That is just disturbing." She than gives a shudder.

Phillipe stares at his little brother in frustration. "Well I have to tell her something! Will you two quit fighting and jumping down each other's throats?"

The Vicomte starts to look a bit uncomfortable. "The thing is that..."

Christine resumes her conversation with Sorelli. "Fighting gets so many things out of the way! We also get **so** worked up and..."

Raoul is struggling with his word. "After we fight...we...well...you know." He shrugs to his brother. Phillipe still looks confused.

"We get into the bed and passionately make love for about two hours!" says Christine quite cheerily.

Phillipe's face pales as he realizes what Raoul is referring to. "Mon Dieu! I did not need to hear that!" He than holds his head in hands.

Sorelli sits there quite shocked for a moment. "Wow! Tell me more about that!" exclaims the dancer excitedly.

Phillipe raises his head. "So what you are saying is that you two..."

"Fight to steam up the part of your marital relationship that only happens behind closed doors?" asks Sorelli.She is still in a bit of a shocked mode.

Raoul and Christine nod in unison. "Exactly." says the pair coincidentally at the same time.

"You two are naughty!" praises the dancer.

"The two of you are fools!" insults the Count.

_About ten minutes later Phillipe and Sorelli are in the living room._

"So," starts the dancer, "those two will just have to go back to their old room on account of their refusal to stop arguing." She than starts to titter. "And do you know why they argue?" She continues to titter.

Phillipe leans back in his seat. "Unfortunately, yes. What kind of weirdos would incessantly fight to steam up their..their...well you know!" He than brings his hand to his forehead.

Sorelli turns her head to him. "I think that it's fine as long as it makes their sex life spicier." says she in a happy tone.

He stares at her than rises from his seat. "ARE WE CALLING IT BY IT'S TRUE NAME NOW?"

She is taken by suprise and seems a bit offended. "You never want to talk about anything with me." said Sorelli sadly.

"YOU ALWAYS DO THOUGH!" shouted Phillipe. "I CAN NEVER DROWN OUT YOUR VOICE UNLESS I LEAVE THE ROOM AND WALK ABOUT TEN BLOCKS!" He was shaking by now.

She stares at him in shock. "**PHILLIPE De CHAGNY!**"

"CAT FINALLY GOT YOUR TONGUE! WELL GOOD!" He than starts to march away.He pauses and turns back around. "Umm Sorelli dear, I thought that we were trying this arguing thing?"

She continues to stare at him until it hits her. "Oooooooooo." She than gets off the couch and follows Phillipe to his room.  
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	7. Fantasies & Burglars

**A/N-**Hey y'all.Yep.So here we are again.Glad you guys thoroughly enjoy this story.For the first skit,pretend that Erik lives in Phillipe's basement.The second skit is Antoinette and Co.

**Wild Mage Lioness**-I didn't mean it to be Raoul bashing.(I absolutely detest the term fop.I'm allright with dandy.) You probably wouldn't be able to tell by the way I write,but I love him to pieces.He's one of my favorites.I try my best to equal bash.Glad you like it though.

**Disclaimer-**Allright,I admit it.I own both Phantom and That 70s Show.That's why instead of counting my millions of dollars I sit here at this computer and type scenarios that can never happen.Since I'm stinking rich I can do what I please.So just enjoy this story!

P.S. If there are lawyers who happen to come here(don't know why) than please don't sue me because I was just kidding.  
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_Phillipe and La Sorelli are lying peacefully in bed when a noise awakens them._

Sorelli jolts up in fear. "Did you hear that Phillipe?" She looks around the room nervously. "What could that have been?"

Phillipe is still lying in the bed. "Maybe it is my brother wandering around again." mumbled the sleepy Count.

Sorelli's eyes widen at another possibility. "Or it could be **burglars**!" said the dancer.She was now very scared and tried to hide under the covers.

Phillipe turns to look at her. "Everything is safely locked up,and the gates are firmly closed." said the man trying to reassure her.

"My drinks aren't though!" yelled the dancer.And with that she rushed out of the bed,pulled on a robe,and raced out of the room.Phillipe simply rolls his eyes,gets out of the bed,and follows her rather lazily.

When they are on the first floor and go down a certain hallway,one of the doors opens and Raoul comes stumbling out with his bed sheet wrapped around him. "I heard a noise!" said the young man worriedly.

Phillipe stares at his younger brother in disbelief. "Are you naked under there?" asks the Count.

Raoul starts to blush when he realizes what he rushed out in. "No." said he quickly. "It's my...toga.Yeah."

"We heard a noise ,and we think it might be a burglar." states Sorelli in fear.Something dawns on her and she turns to Phillipe. "Mon Dieu! What if they are gypsies ,and they came back for Erik?" asks the dancer,concern etched into her voice.

"Than maybe we can convince them to take Raoul and his slutty wife." replied Phillipe with a smirk on his face.

Ignoring his brother's comment Raoul goes back into his room. "I'm going to get my pistol." says the boy over his shoulder. He remerges with his bed sheet draped over his shoulders ,and his little pistol in his hands. "Darn,I forgot to get more bullets for my pistol." says the Vicomte in dismay. "I'll just scare them by waving it at them." His eyes brighten at this thought.

Phillipe rolls his eyes at his brother. "Bare assed and holding an empty gun." He shakes his head in disappointment. "This is the sole heir to the de Chagny family." He than walks away.

_The trio are now in the basement._

"Well this is the last place to look." commented Raoul.

After traveling through many obstacles they finally arrive at Erik's room.They go in and are greeted by a strange sight.Erik is lying in his bed and with him is no other than Meg in her pajamas.The couple looks up to see what has disturbed their slumber ,and Erik's eyes widen at the sight of Raoul. "Are you nude de Chagny?"

Raoul blushes and tries to cover himself up more.

_Two nights later when the whole Erik/Meg sleepover has been cleared up Phillipe stands outside of Raoul's bedroom holding a pot and a spoon._

The Comte pulls back the spoon and starts to bang the pot with it very loudly. "FIRE! FIRE!" shouts the Count.

The door opens and Raoul comes stumbling out clutching the bedsheet to his body.Seeing his brother is just banging away at a pot he relaxes. "What in heaven's name are you doing?" questioned the Vicomte.

Phillipe merely smiles at him. "I see Mr.Nude still sleeps in the nude.Well Mr.Nude,I am going to keep doing this until you put on some pants.Until than I shall do this **every night**." explained the Count.

"You are truly mad." the younger than turns and goes back into his room.

"And you're still nude!" replies Phillipe.He than contiues to bang on the pot.  
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_After the Comtesse de Chagny has just given birth to Raoul she is placed in intensive care at the hospital.Everyone is pacing around the waitingroom when Andre comes in licking an ice cream._

Andre beams at the group. "There is ice cream in the cafeteria! It tastes great!" He continues to lick away contentedly.

The Comte gives him a look of disbelief. "ICE CREAM? My **mother** is in **INTENSIVE CARE**!" shouts the enraged Phillipe.

Andre turns to face him. "I know." says the young man innocently. He than puts on a large smile. "I told them that it was my mother so they gave it to me free of charge." His smile widens ,and he goes on licking.

Antoinettepunches him in the arm. "Put it down,imbecile." hisses the ballerina

Andre pouts,but a swift kick to the shins convinces him to do otherwise.He begrudingly puts down the ice cream cone. "Fine,but when they're done with my sandwich I shall eat it!" states Andre firmly.

As everyone's backs are turned,Erik takes the ice cream cone and starts to devour it.

The Comte de Chagny,Phillipe's father, shakes his head. He raises his head heavenwards and asks, "Why do all these children go where I go?" He than directs his attention to his eldest born. "Look at all of these damn kids.I feel like a polygamist!" He goes back to pacing around the room.

Phillipe folds his hands. "It has been an hour! We should have known something by now!" He glances down the hallway and sees a familiar looking doctor.He begins to shout athim,"Sir,I**swear** that is the**third** coffee break you have **had**! Enough caffeine and help the **SICK AND AILING**!"

Andre takes advantage of this little outburst to retrieve his ice cream.He searches for it but cannot find it. "Where did my ice cream go?" asks the bewildered yet hungry young man.

Everyone turns to look at Erik.Unaware of the gazes he is receiving,he is currently finishing up the cone.Feeling their eyes,he slowly raises his head and hurriedly tries to hide the cone behind his back. "Oh right,it's always the disfigured guy!"

Firmin points at his mouth. "You have ice cream all over mouth,Erik."

Erik darts his eyes about the room. "Oh sure,so it's always the deformed guy with the ice cream smeared about his mouth!"

They are interrupted from responding to his ridiculous defense when a doctor walks toward the Comte. "Monsieur le Comte,I have the report on your wife."

Phillipe and his father rush up to the doctor to hear what he has to say. "Out with it." demands the anxious husband.

The doctor sadly hangs his head. "I am sorry sir,but she has gone on to a better place."

Everyone hangs there head in respect except for Andre who doesn't get it. "Awesome,because this place sucks!" Everyone lifts their heads and drop their jaws at what he said.Andre looks around at everyone. "What?...OHHHHHHH" He than lowers his voice to a whisper. "This hospital sucks."  
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_The day before the Masquerade and Raoul is at home talking to Phillipe._

"So little brother," interrupts the Comte, "have you and your chorus girl planned to do anything _special_?"

Raoul blushes at how abrupt his brother brought up the issue. "Ummmm we were saving that for later."

Phillipe slaps him on the back. "Come on.Do something spontaneous! All you have to do is go into the nearest,emptiest room and get to it! It could even be a closet.I don't recommend it though because the first time Sorelli and I did it in one..."

The Vicomte holds up his hand to stop his brother. "That's enough." He shakes his head at Phillipe. "Anyways,even if we did that special thing, it would **not** be in a closet.It would be somewhere special." He than starts to gaze at nothing in particular. "I picture it like this...

_We go to a fantasy where Christine and Raoul are sitting on the beach, watching the sunset._

Christine sighs in contentment. "Here we are,laying on a beach.I think it would be as good a time as any to do that _thing._" She raises her eyebrows along with the suggestion.

"Yes! It would be very spontaneous!" says the Vicomte in delight.

"Precisely!That is what attracted me to the idea in the first place!" exclaims the singer brightly. They than lean in and kiss.

_The fantasy stops,and we go back to Raoul and Phillipe._

"That was great." says Raoul in a pleased manner.He than heaves a sigh and puts on a frown. "Knowing me,it wouldn't go very smoothly it would be...

_We go to another fantasy of Christine sitting in the kitchen ,reading the paper,when Raoul comes in with a portfolio under his arms._

"Good afternoon,mademoiselle."

She lifts her head. "Hello monsieur. Do you have the forms on your person?" asks the soprano inquistively and straight faced.

He holds up the portfolio and takes out a thick document. "Right here." He than passes the large document to her withsuch seriousness in his face."Here is the guarantee of foreplay signed ,initialed, and notarized."

She looks over the paper and nods her head in agreement. "Everything looks in order.As you are fully aware of, I am on certain medications so here is the waver informing you of all the symptoms of aforementioned medicines." She in turn hands him a piece of paper.

He briefly goes over the sheet,than raises his head when he is done. "Seems as if the deal is now sealed. I look forward to this consummating our love this evening."

He puts forward his hand ,and she takes it.They than shake hands.

"That is wonderful." replies Christine.

"Thank you."

_This fantasy also ends,and we go back to Raoul and Phillipe._

Phillipe shakes his head at his younger brother. "If you don't take a chance and go into the nearest room than you're evening will turn out like this...

_We delve into yet another fantasy.Phillipe is sitting on an arm chair when Raoul comes in._

The Comte turns to see who has come into the room.When he sees that it is his brother a shocked look comes upon his face. "You are back already? It is not even 9:30! You didn't go for it, did you? ELIZABETH, HE IS HOME ALREADY!"

Raoul's sister comes into the room and gives her brother a suprised look."Already! Raoul,you are such a loser!"

The two siblings begin to laugh as Raoul just frowns sadly.

"He is,isn't he!" declares Phillipe.The brother and sister than go back to laughing at their younger sibling's misfortune.

_The fantasy ends ,and we see Phillipe is laughing heartily._

He turns to look at Raoul and starts to laugh even harder.  
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**A/N-**That's the end of that chapter.But before you go back to the main page I just want to add one more moment.The reason I'm adding it to the end is because this one is straight from That 70s Show. It is one of my favorite moments,but I just couldn't figure out how to make it Phantom related.

_Eric has just finished telling his parents about how he turned down Donna's offer to get back together._

Red looks at his son in astonishment. "Let me get this straight! Donna wanted to get back together and you said no?"

Eric nods his head. "I said no."

"You said no!" repeats Red,who is still shocked.

"Dumbass!" yells Kitty.

Eric stares at his mother,who usually doesn't insult him. "Look,I have my reasons,okay?"

Kitty's eyes widen at this. "What could they be,what could they possibly be?"

"Casey dumps her and she comes to me." He points at himself. "Okay,I'm not a rebound!" says the teenager firmly.

Red looks incredulously at his son. "So you're too proud to take her back?And what do you have to be so proud of?" questions Red angrily. "You're not an athlete,the only thing smart about you is your mouth.And look at you!" He than accompanies this last statement with a pointing of the finger.

"Red,Red he looks fine!" says Kitty defensively. "He's just so darn stupid! I'm very upset!" She than shakes her head.

"Well stop,okay? Because I already feel bad enough as it is." Eric sighs in sadness.

Kitty raises her arms in the air. "Well you should!"

The heartbroken teen looks at his mother. "Well ,I do! I love her." He pushes back his chair. "Why do I always have to screw these things up? Why does everything always have to be my way? That's why we broke up in the first place!"

His mother just shakes her head at him. "Well, we've all known that for a year!"

"Okay,I have to tell Donna how I feel." stated Eric.He just continues to sit in his seat.

"Then go!" exclaims Red.His son than gets out of his chair and leaves.

Kitty looks at her husband."Oh Red!" says the wife quite dismayed.

"I know.We're never going to get him out of the house."

**A/N-**And now the real ending.I hope you liked today's installment of That POTO Show.Y'all come back now,you hear! (I don't own the Beverly Hillbillies.)


	8. Death of a Count

**A/N-**Welcome to another strange installment of That POTO Show. I'd just like to appreciate my thanks to all those who read and enjoy this story.The skit has a death that is talked about.It is not going to be permanent.Sort of like South Park,where they always kill off Kenny than bring him back.Except for that one time they killed him off for good and brought in Butters.I liked Butters.Oh,I'm straying from the subject.Yes,so the character death is not permanent.The character shall return.This has a touch of Leroux.If I got some things wrong than I'm sorry because I only read it once. And if you guys forgot,Elizabeth is Raoul's older sister.

**Disclaimer-**I DON'T OWN IT! Is that what those fictional lawyers that supposedly monitor the sight want to hear? Because it's the truth!  
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_Phillipe is traveling across the lake in a gondola he conveniently found.Suddenly he hears a voice that seems to be right in his ear._

"What do you think you are doing Monsieur le Comte?"asked the ghostly voice.

Phillipe looks around in suprise,trying to find where the voice is coming from. "Well,I have come here in search of my brother." responded the Count bravely. "And I guess that little tramp that he is interested in." added he after a slight pause. "By the way,do you know what time it is?"

"DON'T YOU EVER CALL CHRISTINE BY A DEGRADING NAME!" shouted back the voice.Phillipe jumped because it seemed as if the speaker were everywhere now. The voice ,which could be heard breathing very heavily, suddenly seemed to calm down a bit. "Why do you need to know what time it is?"

"I ...just do." replied the Comte hesitatingly. His face suddenly clouds up. "Hey,how did you know that I was talking about that whore,Christine Daae?"

"**You** have a problem.Why must you always insult my beloved angel? She has done nothing wrong!" retorted the voice.

"I just tell it like it is." stated Phillipe.

He hears an audible sigh. "Well let me tell **you** how it is.You seem very nasty to those who don't fit the standard in which you have set for your brother's wife.You are very cruel towards the poor girl.I do not see why you must be so hateful towards her! It would not kill you to be nice to her for a day." says the voice.

That was when the siren jumped up and grabbed Phillipe.

Erik stares in horror."Comte?" He than watches in horror as the throttling body eventually ceases all forms of movement."Mon Dieu!" yells the Phantom before he drops into the lake.He drags the body into the gondola and proceeds to row back to his home.

_After the chamber floods,and the Persian is the second one to awake.Instead of falling back asleep,he gets up and follows Erik.They both end up outside of the house and chat for a bit._

The Persian suddenly halts the conversation because something has caught his eye.It is a leg sticking out from the corner of the house.Before Erik can stop him he has gone around the house and stumbles upon Phillipe's body.

"Erik,what is the Comte doing sleeping out here?" asked the Persian cautiously.

The Ghost puts on a most guilty expression. "He is not sleeping.He is...dead." says Erik hesitatingly. "But if you think about it ,that's just another form of sleep.A sleep that he shall never wake up from." added Erikin an attempt to lighten up the situation.He expects his friend to react,but the Persian just continues to stand there."I am serious Daroga.He'sactuallydead."

The firmness in which Erik said those words made the Persian react in the way that the Phantom had expected the first time around. "DEAD! WHAT DO YOU MEAN **'DEAD'** ?"

"As you know,I momentarily left Christine,and when I returned I mentioned someone asking me for the time.It just happened to be him.I mean,we were having a nice,casual conversation than the Siren came out of the water ,and he died." explained the Phantom in a most calm manner.

"Well you need to do something with his body before-"

"Brother?"

This voice made the duo freeze.They both turn ever so slowly to find the Vicomte standing behind them.

The young man doesn't notice the strange looks he is receiving for the sight of his brother is the only thing he can concentrate on. "It is you!" He than runs to his brother and stoops down to his level. "Phillipe! Wake up! It is I, your brother."

The Persian tries to interrupt the little moment. "Ummmmmmmm Monsieur de Chagny-" Erik holds up a hand,signaling for him not to say anything.

Raoul continues to try and wake his brother. "Wake up!" He starts to shake his brother.

The Persian can no longer contain himself at this sight. "He is dead!" Erik rolls his eyes at his friendand walks back into the house.

The young man becomes stiff at this revelation."Oh God!" says Raoul in horror.He than backs away from the body and stares at his hands. "OH MY GOODNESS! AHHHHHH!" He continues to yell for about 3 minutes.The ebony skinned man tries in vain to calm down the distressed Vicomte. Suddenly Erik re-emerges from the house with a smelly,damp cloth.He walks up to the Viscount, pins him to a wall,and presses the cloth over his nose and mouth.In a matter of seconds,Raoul slumps forward.

Erik swipes his hands together and smiles at his accomplishment.He turns and is greeted by the Persian's disapproving face. "What? I had to do something to calm him down,and if that includes drugging the boy than so be it!" He sighs at the unchanging face. "Will it please you,Daroga,ifI drag him back into the house?"

"Yes,that would ease my conscience a bit more." said the Daroga sarcastically.

With a sigh and an air of reluctance, Erik picks up the unconscious noble and takes him back into the house while the Persian trails after him.

Christine is just sitting dutifully in the room,knitting when they enter.Her eyes widen at the sight of her childhood friend knocked out.She becomes a bit alarmed."What happened to him?" asked the young soprano. "I heard him yelling about Phillipe,but that was all I could make out." Her face than darkens at the mention of the Comte. "How is that lousy bastard doing anyways? Why do I even try to make him happy?"

The Persian walks in just as she makes those two questions. "I do not think that now is the best time to be speaking rashly of the Comte."

"Why not?" asks Christine. "He is just so horrid to me! Was he trying to brainwash Raoul against me again?"

Erik felt the guilt come over him once more. "N...not really." stammered the Ghost. "The strangest thing happened,actually."

_Cut to Christine kneeling besides the body._

"The **what** grabbed him?" questioned the girl harshly.

Erik stares at the ground,trying to avoid eye contact. "The siren." mutters the man incomprehensibly.

"Louder Erik." prods the Persian.

The Phantom sighs in agitation. He than inhales deeply in preparation for what he is about to say."**THE SIREN!**"

The soprano keeps her eyes glued on Erik. "What in heaven's name were you thinking when you made that?"

"To keep intruders out!" shouted back the mad genius.

The Persian senses that this conversation will most likely end badly so he starts to push Christine back into the house. "You do not want to provoke him any further."

Christine gives in and just lets him guide her towards the house. She hangs her head in sorrow. "This is such a distressing loss."

The Persian throws her a bewildered look. "Did you not just call him a bastard?"

She looks at him in a shocked manner. "I **never** said such a thing!" said the girl defensively.

_Despite the Comte's death,things still play out the same.The only difference being Christine and Raoul not running away on account of Raoul now having to helpplan out a funeral.Raoul is still in horrible mourning so his two sisters and Christine are planning it.Christine has forced Erik to help since he is sort of responsible._

Elizabeth looks over at her younger sister Marie and smiles. "I am so glad that you could come and help Marie." comments the woman in an appreciative tone.

Marie nods. "I had exams at that etiquette academy."

"I'm sorry,Marie." Elizabeth looks guilty for tearing her sister away from school.

"Oh don't feel bad.I never pay attention and was really caught unawares..." She sees her older sister's expression and changes her tone. "But I'm so sad that Phillipe's gone!" She than notices that her sister has an assortment of fresh baked goods surrounding her. "Why is there so much food in here?"

"I just felt like cooking." replies the elder carelessly.

"But you **HATE** cooking!The last time you cooked was when...Oh no.You're not going through that whole depression thing again,are you?"

Before Elizabeth can answer, Christine and Erik come into the room.Elizabeth turns her attention to the pair. "So how is my brother taking the news?" inquired the busy woman.

Erik rolls his eyes. "You should know how your brother would take it. He talks about how torn up he is,than he starts to sob uncontrollably.Since I couldn't bring my lasso or my chloroform with me I just walked out on him.I did not come out of my home to have to go through someone else's misery." finished he a little bitterly.

Marie stares in admiration at the thought of her brother. "I'm so proud of the way we raised him,Elizabeth.He is so in touch with his emotions."

"He is a nancy." retorted Erik.

Christine gives him a look. "Now Erik,you don't have to be so hard on him.I don't even think you're angry at him.You are just dealing with one of the five stages of dealing with death."explained his ex-wife.

"What do you mean?" asked Marie.

"There are these five stages of dealing with death." replied Christine.She than starts to name them off. "Denial,anger,bargaining,depression,and finally the blessed acceptance." She raises her arms heavenward on 'acceptance'.

Erik gives her an uninterested look. "Christine,I only have two stages.Anger and killing." He than turns his back on her and leaves before she can say anything.

_It is now the day of the funeral.The preacher is just finishing up the eulogy._

"And as much as we all wish that the Comte de Chagny could still be here,we must keep in mind that he is in a better place."

"I didn't know that hell was a better place." mutters Christine darkly.

Raoul looks at her in suprise. "Christine!"

She looks suprised and embarrassed. "Did I say that outloud?" She than tries to look innocent.

_We travel down the row abit to see Meg and Erik._

Erik glances over at Meg and notices that she seems very depressed. "What's wrong?"

"Oh Erik." says the ballerina in a distraught voice. "Death is so very unexpected.We as humans are so fragile and are unaware of the time that the wind of death has determined to blow out this little flame of existence that we hold so near and dear." She continues to look mournful. She eventually turns her head to see the look of longing that Erik is throwing her. "What?"

"That was beautiful.Now I'm turned on." said the Phantom rather quickly.

"Allright than.Where do you want to go?"

Erik starts to think."Carriage?"

"Coat room." replies Meg.

"Better." compliments Erik.They than get up and head toward the nearest coat room.

_Now it's the time where people come up to the coffin and give their last thoughts.The vantage point is from the coffin ,and we can hear the people's thoughts._

Christine walks up and peers down. "Hello there Phillipe.I know that we had our differences.Raoul wanted to marry me ,and you hated me and called me by a plethora of degrading names." She looks very annoyed at this."All I have to say is,try and be nice to God since where that's where you're going to be for awhile.Unless you're in the other place than you'd better be nice to them since those are your tormentors for all of eternity.So farewell,almost brother-in-law." She walks away with a giant grin.

Marie walks up to the coffin now and looks down.She just sort of stares at the body. "Life is so complicated.You get old and die." She is frowning at this thought."Thank goodness that I'm still young and good looking." She than smirks and walks away.

Erik now walks up to the coffin. "Hello there.Well sorry that you died,but you sort of had it coming.I mean who seriously would go down into the cellars **unaccompanied!**Even those ballet rats know that!Uhhhhh wellthat's all." He walks away.

Richardcomes up to the coffin. "You were the best patron ever! But you never did give us that last amount of money that you promised.Hmmmmmm I think that ring would cover the expenses." He than starts to reach for the ring. "No! I can't! Must resist!" He than runs away before he does something he might regret.

Moncharmin comes up and casually looks down.His eyes widen in shock. "Oh Lord,there's a body in here!" He runs away in fear.

Finally comes Raoul with red eyes.He doesn't look down at first. "Well brother,I guess-" He looks down at the face. "Mon Dieu!" He goes and than comes back with the Pastor.

The Pastor blushes. "Sorry monsieur.Those should not be open." He than reaches down and closes Phillipe's eyelids.

_Now is the time where people walk up and give their condolences to the family._

Meg walks up to the de Chagny siblings. "I deeply sorry for the loss of your brother.It was like really sad."

Moncharmincomes up to them with a wide grin. "Great funeral! I wish I could throw one of these! Do you think you guys could plan mine for me?"

Erik shoves him away before he can say anything worse while the siblings stare after him in bewilderment.Erik adresses his statement to Raoul. "I am sorry about your brother,monsieur." He looks atMoncharmin and rubs his temples. "I am also sorry that Moncharmin is a complete idiot." He than glides away.

The Persian approaches the family in a solemn manner. "Mlle.de Chagny,M.de Chagny,and Mlle.de Chagny always remember this.Aloved one's greatness is carried on forever in those that shall always treasuretheir memory." He smiles gently.

Raoul starts to sob horribly.Elizabeth sighs at this. "Have you met our sister Raoul?"

_Back at the de Chagny mansion Raoul is talking to Erik and Christine._

"He was like a father to me." lamented the poor boy. "He was always there for me ,and he always had my interests at heart." He buries his face in his hands. "And the last time we talked,all we did was argue.I didn't even say goodbye."

Erik looks at him a bit guiltily. "Raoul,I have something to confess.The last thing I said to your brother was 'It would not kill you to be nice to her for a day.' ,but I think it did because he died soon afterward." He starts to stare at the ground.

Suddenly Elizabeth comes into the room with a sad look on her face.Christine sees the look. "What's wrong Elizabeth?"

"I ran out of things to cook with!" exclaimed the heartbroken woman.She than starts to break out in tears.

Raoul grabs his sister and begins to hug her.He motions Christine to join.She does and than signals for Erik to try it also.He is reluctant to do so but eventually gives in.They are all in a nice hug when Marie comes into the room with a pocket watch.

She is looking intently at the watch. "Do you guys think this is real gold?" She looks up and sees them hugging. "Oh.Emotional,touching moment thing.I'll just leave." She than retreats to whence she came.

_2 nights later Erik is at the cemetery._

He stoops down in front of Phillipe's mausoleoum and starts to converse with it. "I deeply regret our last conversation.That must have been some horrible last words for you.I just wanted to say that I think that you're allright.I mean,if you were opposed to that insolent brother of yours being with Christine than that sort of meant that you were on my side." He grins at this. "So I do not feel that you were a horrible person."

Suddenly a voice comes from the mausoleoum. "Than why did you kill me Erik? I shall haunt you forever and never forgive you!"

Erik walks around the mausoleoum and finds Richard hiding behind the corner ,shivering. "What in heavens name are you doing?"

Richard raises his head and gives him a smile. "Freezing my butt off to pull a prank on the Opera Ghost!"  
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**A/N-**There you have it.Don't worry,Phillipe shall come back from the grave.See you next time loving audience.


	9. Declarations & Decisions

**A/N-**For one of these skits,I have used a bit of it before,but it is different.Just by a little bit.So please don't feel as if I have gypped you.The third skit is Antoinette and co.I'm going to bring up a ballerina named Jammes,but it is NOT the same one as in Leroux's novel.

**Disclaimer-**The day I own is it the day when 99.9 percent of phans respect Raoul and don't portray him as a wife beating rapist/drunkard/pansy/idiot/greedy tycoon.  
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_Raoul is being taken to the Navy so that he can fulfill his brother's dreams of further glorifying the de Chagny name.Erik,Andre,and Phillipe are there to say goodbye._

The young Vicomte looks dejectedly at his older brother. "Must I really go?" He looks pleadingly at Phillipe.

"Yes." answered the Comte with finality in his voice.Seeing his younger brother's sad face softens him up. "If it makes you feel better,I packed you a lunch." He than brought forth a brown paper sack.

The boy's eyes widen in amazement. "But you always leave those little menial tasks to the servants!"

"Yeah,well today is special." said Phillipe with some emotion breaking through. "You will find two sandwiches and a bag of cookies."

"Thanks Phillipe."

Andre steps forward,red faced. "I ate the cookies,so there actually only two sandwiches." admitted the man.

The group looks at him for a moment before he bows his head in shame.

"Well I gues it is time for me to go." stated Raoul.He than picked up his bags and started to walk down the dock.

"Hey baby brother!" yells Phillipe. "I LOVE YOU,LITTLE BROTHER!" cries the man with fake emotion.He starts to wave his arms emphatically.He puts on a mock sad face.

Raoul freezes upon these words.He slowly turns and stares at his brother in horror.

Erik chuckles at the boy's embarrassment. "I LOVE YOU ALSO,VICOMTE!" shouts Erik.He waves his hand and smirks at having helped to further Raoul's uncomfortable situation.

Andre looks at the two men and than stares at the young man. " **I LOVE YOU THE MOST**!" exclaims the manager with such determination and intensity in his voice and on his face.He than stands there and huffs at his declaration.

On hearing and seeing how serious Andre was,both Erik and Phillipe stare at him in shock. Meanwhile the poor Viscount stares in fear and bewilderment.

Andre sees everyone looking at him strangely and starts to chuckle weakly. "I was kidding too..."  
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_Christine and Meg are at a cafe when the conversation turns to men._

"I have been thinking about Raoul and Erik all day,and I just can't decide who to choose!" cries the young girl.

Meg rolls her eyes at her friend. "Why do you always have to ruin these days out?"

Christine sniffs. "I am serious Meg. This is a difficult decision for me. I know that I have feelings for Erik because he is so mysterious,smart,and he gave me my voice." She smiles at the memories.

"So why don't you just go with Erik?" asks Meg.

"Because of Raoul.I also have feelings for him. He has promised me protection,he's rich,and he's so handsome! I mean,you spend so much more time looking at someone than you do singing to them." exclaims the soprano.She than goes into a reverie.

Meg clears her throat to interrupt the moment. "Again,why don't you just choose Erik?" questions the ballerina.

The singer looks meaningfully at her friend. "You just don't get itMeg.I need Raoul,but Erik needs me so much and it feels great to be needed so much."

The dancer gives off a big sigh. "I think that I may have a solution to your problem.To hell with all those pros and cons.Just ask yourself this one question...Who do I love the most?"

Christine's eyes widen at her friends proposal. "That's brilliant! You are so right! That is what I should do because-"

Meg puts a hand over Christine's mouth. "Not now.I want to enjoy what's left of this afternoon.And if you do go on,than I'm making you pay for lunch."

_Later that day,Christine has called both Raoul and Erik to her dressing room._

"I have asked the two of you here today because I have finally made a decision." announced the soprano.

"So are you going with rich and hot or masked and crazy?" asks the Vicomte.

Erik punches him in the shoulder. "Why don't you remain silent so that we can find out?"

Christine gives him a thankful look. "Well,I had to ask myself a very tough question. Who do I love the most? Than it hit me like Joseph Buquet's body.I love **me** the most."

This answer leaves both of the men speechless for a few moments.The silence is soon broken by Erik. "So you choose **yourself**?"

She nods.

"So where does that leave us?" asks Raoulwho still hasshock etched into his face.

"I don't know,and frankly I don't care." replies the soprano,who than walks off as if the weight of the world has been taken off her shoulders.

The two men look after her in astonishment. "What a way to lead us on!" exclaims the Phantom.

The Viscount nods in agreement. "I know what you mean.Girls are so strange! If it was not for their face,voice,legs,body shape,soft skin,and eyes I would never even give them a second thought!"  
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_Erik,Antoinette,Phillipe,Firmin,and Andre are at Phillipe's house when Sorelli enters still dressed in her ballet outfit and looking very depressed._

"The most horrible thing happened today." began the dancer. "I was kicked off thecorps de ballet." She sniffs at her predicament.

All the boys except Phillipe look at her in fake horror.

"Is nothing sacred!" exclaimed Firmin.

"Oh no!" shouted Andre.

"It was just a matter of time." said Erik. "I always thought you seemed like a heifer when you danced."

Phillipe hits Erik lightly and thangoesover to comfort Sorelli. "Don't worry dear.I sort of know how you feel.Remeber that time I got kicked off of you?"

Sorelli distances herself from Phillipe. "Well I don't care that you guys don't care." She walks over to where Antoinette is sitting. "Antoinette knows how I feel.Right Annie?" She places her arms on the other girl's shoulders and looks at all of the boys with murder in her eyes.

Antoinette looks up at Sorelli in confusion. "_Annie_?" She shakes the former dancer's hands off her shoulders. "No,I don't know how you feel Sorelli.Because I would never get kicked off the corps de ballet."

The former dancer gapes at her. She than walks back to Phillipe. "Phillipe,you need to help me." pleads the former ballerina. "They may be a group of gossipping shallow brats-"

"Excuse me!" yells Antoinette.She stands up in anger.

Sorelli glances over at her. "Not you,Annie.You seclude yourself too much to know what I'm talking about." She faces Phillipe once more despite the death glare that Antoinette is giving her. "So they may be a group of saucy ,air-headed brats,but they are all I know! You have to take me to the masque ball that's happening tomorrow night."

Phillipe is caught of guard by her request.He wipes away the shock to give her an answer. "I am sorry Sorelli,but I can't. The managers always bother me about my father's patronage whenever they see me.I swear that they'd kidnap me if they thought that it would get them more money." explained the Vicomte with a slight shudder.

The ex-dancer stomps her foot on the ground. "Phillipe Georges Marie de Chagny! You **WILL** take me ,and you **WILL **enjoy yourself!" commanded the girl.

The aristocrat cowers at the rage of the former dancer scorned. "I..I...c...c...can't." wimpers the poor boy.

The crazy ex-dancer whirls around the room seeking who else she can force into going with her.

Andre and Firmin suspecting that she would try this had run out of the room right after Phillipe gave his reply.This left the poor Erik all by himself.

Erik chuckles at the Viscount's misfortune until he realizes that he is the new target.He tries to get up and leave and would have made it if Antoinette hadn't of stuck out her foot to trip him.Sorelli takes the opportunity to pounce upon the young boy and pin him to the floor."YOU are going to take me than!"

"I would rather die." replies the disfigured boy calmly.

Sorelli glares at him. "That can be arranged."

"Just go with her so that we can get this over with."says Antoinette.

"FINE! But I am **not** dancing with you." insists Erik.

Sorelli nods,gives him a hug,gets off of him ,and leaves in a happier mood than when she had arrived.

_That night at the masque ball we see Sorelli dressed as a lamb ,and Erik is dressed in his Phantom attire._

Sorelli is trying to put some distance between herself and her escort until she sees a girl dressed as a swan coming towards her.She than clutches Erik's arm a bit too tightly."Here comes Jammes.She is the ballet instructor and decides who gets to stay and who gets the boot.Make me look good." hisses the girl into her escort's ear.

Jammes walks up to Sorelli and her escort and looks over them coldly. "Hello Sorelli."

"Hello Jammes." replies the former dancer with equal coldness."This is my escort for the night,Erik-" she stops as she realizes that she doesn't know Erik's last name. "Erik."

The masked boy gives a hollow smile. "I dropped my last name so that the gendarmes and gypsies would be unable to locate my current location." explained the boy calmly.

Sorelli starts laughing crazily while Jammes' eyes widen in shock "He has the best sense of humor.Pretending to be on the run! That is a riot!" She continues laughing when she gives Erik a warning look that is a bit frightening.

Jammes looks at the pair suspicously. "You know Sorelli,I have to hand it to you.After being completely humiliated today I didn't think that you would dare show your face." comments the instructor icily.

"To be honest, I only came to see what you would be dressed like...so that I would know what to burn in my closet." replies Sorelli with equal viciousness in her voice.

The ballerina instructor gives her a malicious look. "Well let me show you the way inside." Both of the girls giggle together rather fakely before Jammes goes back inside. Erik appears confused by the conversation that had just transpired. "If you are trying to get back on the corps de ballet wouldn't kissing her butt help more?"

"Snobbery and insults are the only language that these dunderheads know how to speak. These are some evil girls we're dealing with.They need to be shown who's the boss,and they know it." With that threat Sorelli walked into the opera house dragging along poor Erik.

_After a few hours ,in which people had been discussing Sorelli's mysterious escort, Jammes comes up to a table that is seating Erik and Sorelli._

"Sorelli,in light of you showing up here ,even though you had been horribly disgraced, with Erik,who is so mysterious-"

"Nice newsflash there." interrupted Erik.

"I would like to invite you back on to the corps de ballet." continued Jammes.

Sorelli looks truly delighted. "Seriously?"

"Yes." Both girls start to jump up and down squealing when Sorelli stops with confusion on her face.

"You know what? I don't think that I want to be a ballerina anymore."

Jammes gives her a befuddled look. "But we just celebrated."

"Well I'm going to have take back that celebration and replace it with a refusal."

Jammes pouts and walks away.Sorelli whirls around with pure joy on her face.She is met by an expression of pure shock upon Erik's face. "Are you telling me that you dragged me to this festive little thing for nothing!"

"You came for something Erik. You came and saw me grow more as a person.I realized that those saucy little brats are not my true friends." explained Sorelli.

Erik puts on a look of understanding. "Why isn't that-" He stops and blows a rasberry in her face.

"If it makes you feel better,I get to keep all of my outfits." said the girl in an uplifting tone.

"That's only going to make Andre and Phillipe feel better.Not me."

She starts thinking and than an idea hits her. "I know how you can get into their dressing room to scare them some more." offered the girl.

Erik smiles. "That helps."  
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	10. Chocolates & Rings

**A/N-**In honor of Valentine's day, I bring you as many Valentine/gifts of love centric skits that I could think up.Entirely Antoinette and co.

**Disclaimer-**Hmmmmm what to say,what to say.How about...I don't own anything that would make me a millionaire? Yeah,that's it.  
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_The guys are just in the opera house when Andre comes in with a big box of chocolates in his hands._

"Look what I have gotten for my girlfriend!" exclaims the young man.He exhales in pure delight. "It sure is great to have a loved one on Valentine's Day!"

Erik looks rather annoyed by this statement. "I know what you mean...Wait a minute, NO I DON'T!" The young boy than turns in a huff.

Andre ignores the outburst. "She is going to love these! I just have to save them until that wondorous day of love." He than puts on a bit of a worried face.

Firmin sees the look and snatches the box.He than holds up it to his face and makes it look enticing. "But you **love** sweet things." reminded his friend.

Phillipe nods in agreement. "Some would say that it not natural the love you have for it."

Andre looks insulted at this. "Sure I love candy,but I love her more!"

Firmin opens the box and looks inside. "Is that so? Than why are there 3 pieces missing." asked Firmin with a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Andre puts on an embarrassed expression and grabs the chocolates. "Fine! I love her the same." He than takes the chocolates and goes to a far off corner.

"I knew that his love for candy would overcome his feelings for any girl." spat Erik from his dark,little corner.

Phillipe turned to face his crazed friend. "What do you have against Valentine's day?"

"Nothing! I just can't stand the sight of people spending money on useless things for others that they claim to care for." explained the disfigured boy bitterly. "Anyways,it's just a scam that the greeting card corporations have come up with to rob people of their money." added Erik.

The Vicomte shakes his head. "I think some of Firmin's conspiracy theories have taken hold of you.Honestly,he is such a conspiracy nut."

This remard doesn't sit too well with Firmin. "I am NOT conspiracy nut! That is just something my tutors made up to further discredit me." explains the young man in a paranoid manner.

Phillipe ignores this weird defense and continues his conversation with Erik. "Well,I think it's nice that Andre has found someone to be with."

"Well I think that his love for chocolates will prevail over his love for this girl." challenged the intellectually gifted boy.

"Hmmmm.You think that do you? Well we'll just have to see,won't we?" replied the noble.

"I guess so." said Erik. He than turned to where Andre was.Andre had his back turned to his friends. "How goes preserving those chocolates?" asked Erik.

Andre turns around to face them and Erik and Firmin burst into fits of laughter while Phillipe slaps his forehead.Andre has chocolate smeared all over his mouth. "It's going swell!" retorted Andre before popping another chocolate into his mouth.

_Later the guys are sitting in a circle.Andre has a can of chocolate powder and is sprinkling it over the chocolates._

"I have to stop eating these!"exclaimed the young man in dismay. He than picks up a chocolate,examines it and eats it. "AHH! I am HOPELESS!" He than grabs the can and starts to pour it into his mouth.

Firmin stares at his friend in disgust. "That's not very healthy for you." warned Firmin.

"I agree." said Phillipe. "Give me those." He than tries grabs the chocolate box from the chocoholic.

Andre keeps a firm grip on the box. "NO! I CAN STOP ANYTIME I WANT TO!" They than fall on the floor and wrestle over the box.

Erik chuckles at this. "What did I tell you?"

_Later that day Firmin,Erik,and Andre are just hanging out when Phillipe comes in._

"My father just yelled at me again and gave me one of those 'You need to start acting serious or else..' lectures." said Phillipe in a rather annoyed fashion.

"You know what might make you feel better?" asked Erik. "One of Andre's chocolates." With that suggestion he points at Andre who is still holding the box.It just happens to be open.

"No! You can't have any!" shouted Andre. "There are only 9 left,and I intend to guard them with every fiber of my being!" He than puffs his chest out in an attempt to look brave.With smirks on their faces, Firmin and Erik each grab a chocolate before Andre can do anything. "Erik! Firmin! Andre!" He than grabs a chocolate and eats it.He moans in ecstasy. "That was the best tasting piece I've ever had."

"You know what might tast better?" asked Erik again in that playful voice. "Eating the remaining 6."

Phillipe marches over to Andre and snatches the box from out of his hands. "No! I will not allow you to degrade the sanctity of this present! I can't believe you guys.Trying to force him to eat them and eating some yourselves.You should all be ashamed of yourselves." scolded the Viscount.

Erik gets up and walks up to Phillipe.He looks truly sorrowful. "I am sorry Phillipe." A mischievous grin soon replaces the sorrowful look. "For what I'm about to do!" Before Phillipe can react,Erik grabs a piece of chocolate and forces it into Phillipe's mouth.Because he was taken by suprise,the young Vicomte had no choice but to swallow the piece.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" exclaimed Phillipe.

"So that you could taste the sweet fruits of temptation." replied Erik casually.

Phillipe rolls his eyes and leaves the room.Erik returns his attention to Andre. "Are you sure that you don't want the last 5?"

"What the heck?" The struggling lover grabs 4 of the pieces and puts them in his mouth.

_On the day of Valentine's..._

Andre is staring sadly at his box.There is only one lone chocolate left.

Erik nudges Phillipe in the side. "I told you that his love for candy would prevail over-"

"Yadda,yadda,yadda." interrupts the begrudged noble.

Andre tries to hold in a sob."She is going to be so disappointed.Better that she doesn't know." He than picks up the last piece to finish it off but just as he lifts it the paper goes up, and it is revealed to him that there are more chocolates.His spirits brighten considerably. "More chocolate! It is a Valentine's day miracle!"

Phillipe suddenly seems much happier.He than throws a wide grin at the now frowning Erik. "Who's right now? I had a feeling that love for a person would overcome love for sweets." He puts his hands on his hips and looks at Andre proudly.

Andre is still staring intently at the chocolates. "Oh sweet fruits from the heavens! You have me entranced in your wonderful brown spell!" He than starts to devour the chocolate greedily.

Erik regains his smirk,Phillipe slaps his hand to his forehead and drags down his face,and Andre continues to eat his first love.  
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_The guys are just sitting around in Phillipe's living room,when Phillipe gets up._

"I think I'm going to get Sorelli a ring." announced the Viscount. "She's been really moody lately ,and I think it's because I haven't gotten anything for her lately."

Erik sighs at this seemingly worthless announcement. "Don't discuss your relationship problems here.I don't think that I could handle the secret girl within you.Try your best to keep Phillippina in."

Firmin starts to chuckle. "Awesome your name to make it all feminine.Heh.Good thing you can't do that with my name." He than beams at that supposed fact.

Erik turns his head towards him and smirks."Sure about that,**Rachel**?"

Firmin's face falls. "Drats.I forgot about my first name."

Andre laughs at the two of them. "Hahahahahahaha! He got you guys good!"

"Shut up Andrea." retort Phillipe and Firmin unanimously.

"Always has to be me! Why is my name so easy?" Andre than leaves the room put off.

Firmin gets up as well. "I think that I'll go with you dear Vicomte.Antoinette's still single ,and I think that I'm the kind of guy she'd go for." He nods his head trying to assure himself.

Erik starts to titter ,which is quite weird for a boy who is mostly serious and sometimes downright frightening. "YOU with **ANTOINETTE**! Hahahahahahahaha! Maybe never! Hahahahahahaha!" The boy than cluthces his side and rolls on the floor.

Firmin glares at him. "Come on Phillipe.Let's go.Erik simply doesn't understand the intricacies of wooing women." He turns to face Phillipe and sees that he is also trying to contain himself. "Not you too! Ah!"

"I'm sorry." Phillipe takes a gulp of air and composes himself. "Okay,I'm ready.Let's go." Before leaving he takes one last look at Erik who has now calmed down a lot more. "Bye Erik...uhhhh -lina." He faces Firmin. "What's a good feminine name for Erik?"

"Uhhhhhh,Erik...isha?" Firmin shrugs his shoulders.

The disfigured genius sighs at their stupididty. "It is Erica, you simpletons, ERICA!"

The pair makes an 'Ooooo' face than departs for the rings.

_The pair is in a dark ,abandoned alley._

Phillipe looks around in paranoia. "What was wrong with the jewelry store again?"

"Those people are highway robbers! And sometimes you forget that not everyone gets a nice fat income like you." explained Firmin. "Don't worry.I know this guy who knows this other guy.He'll give us what we need real cheap."

Suddenly a short hooded figure approaches them.He removes the hood to reveal...

"Joseph Buquet?" exclaims Phillipe in shock.

The little boy waves his hand at the Viscount.

"Yeah it's Joe.Something wrong with that?" asks Firmin.

Phillipe gives him a dull look. "Firmin,**I** know this boy."

"Fine,than you're the guy!" shouts Firmin,throwing his hands in the air.

"So what do you two need?" asked the young merchant.

"Uhhhhh,what do you have?" questioned Phillipe.

"Rings,necklaces,shirts,wine,alcohol...other items of interest." He raises his eyebrows suggestively at the last product.

The last one grabs the attention of the two boys. "Really." muses the pair simultaneously.

Joseph nods his head.

Phillipe clears his throat to make his offer."As interesting as the last one sounds I think we'll take-"

"**WE**!" yelled Firmin. "Screw the ring,I think it's time I give myself a little loving."

"Okay than." says Phillipe slowly. "I'll just take a ring."

"And I'll take up to five year's in prison's worth of the items of interest." says Firmin.

_The next day we see Andre and Sorelli just talking at the opera house._

"So," started Andre, "where's the ring that Phillipe bought for you?"

Sorelli's face becomes clouded in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

Andre looks embarrassed as he realizes that he hasn't given it to her yet. "Oh yes,because he hasn't given it to you yet..." He sees her face light up and realizes that he messed up again. "I MEAN...he'll **never** give you one...uhhhhh." He runs away before she can further question him.

The dancer twirls about in excitement.She than sees Antoinette and grabs her. "Phillipe's getting me a ring!" announces the excited girl.

"That's great." replies the other ballerina in a voice lacking enthusiasm.

"I hope he hides it in food." continues Sorelli. "Because I've told him that if he ever gets me something expensive,that he should put it in food. It's really classy."

Antoinette just nods her head in agreement all while trying to slowly back away from the seemingly delusional dancer.

_Later Phillipe is at the park with Sorelli._

"Dear," begins the nervous boy, "I have brought you something to show how much I care for you." He than pulls out a giant ice cream sundae.

"A sundae?" questions the girl critically. She than gasps,thinking about what she has always told him. She grabs the sundae and shoves her face into it.She than starts using her hands to feel around in it. "Fis goold." comments the sloppy girl.

The Vicomte stares at her in horror. "Um s..s..sweetie,could you ummm...c..c..close your m..m..mouth?"

She stops digging around with her hands and grabs the spoon that he was clutching.She uses the utensil to search for the ring. "Gwat da hegl, Phwillipe? Is just a swupid sudaae." She gives him an evil look.

He gets out his hankerchief and starts to wipe the ice cream away from her mouth. "No,it's the ice cream of love."

_Now it's Erik's place where Erik and Firmin are.Suddenly Sorelli bursts in on them._

"Where is Phillipe de Chagny? I want my ring!" demanded the dancer.

"He's in the torture chamber." replies Erik with a little smirk to show that he's lying.

Sorelli actually starts to walk over to it until Firmin stops her. "Don't go there! Erik,how many times do I have to tell you that you can't kill friends?" scolded the young man. "He's in Erik's bedroom." Sorelli starts to walk in that direction until she is once again stopped. "Wait! He wants to give it to you,but he just cannot."

The girl puts her hands on her hips and looks at him menacingly. "And why exactly should he be afraid?" inquired the dancer.

"Because you're frightening." answered Erik.

"No." interrupts Firmin. "It's because he just likes to do things his way."

"Like a power crazed tyrant." supplied Erik once more.

Firmin once more ignored him. "You will just have to accept that he'll give it to you when the time is right."

At that moment Phillipe walked out of Erik's room.Sorelli marches right up to him and thrusts her hand out. "I want my ring **now,**you moron!" yelled the girl.

"Or she could yell at him." commented Erik from the side. "It's more entertaining that way." He than leans back to enjoy what he thinks is going to be a fight.

"I have waited for 2 days ,now give me that ring!" demanded Sorelli once more.

Phillipe seems shocked at how abrasive she was being.He than recomposes himself. "Allright,I was waiting for the a better time but since you want it now might as well do it now." He gets down on one knee. "Sorelli, since the first time I saw you, I knew that I had to be with you.And not in the emotional way,I mean the much better physical way.But when we had finished doing that I found that I still wanted you to hang around.So will you accept this ring?"

She shrugs her shoulders. "I guess I might as well since I wanted it so much."

Phillipe get off the ground and they hug.

Erik looks on in disgust. "Oh Lord."

Firmin looks at them teary eyed. "I know." He than gives a slight sob,which causes Erik to eye him weirdly.  
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	11. Picture Day

**A/N-**Here is another nice long chapter for you guys to enjoy.It is entirely Antoinette and co. Firmin's background is based a little upon the story **Love Heals**.

**Disclaimer-**Would we really be sued if we claimed to own it? Would they charge us with plagarism,identity theft,and a whole bunch of other things just because we forget to put this one little thing up? Because if that is the case than I don't own it so don't send me to jail or sue me.  
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_It is picture day at the opera house,and the gang is just waiting inside of the leading soprano's dressing room for their turn.Sorelli is working on Phillipe's hair while Erik and Andre are punching each other in the shoulder._

"Now Phillipe,remember to try and look manly and noble.Like a true aristocrat." Sorelli than demonstrates by doing several over the top poses.

Antoinette rolls her eyes at the sight of her friend's poses. "Yeah.I'm sure those scream French noble."

Firmin walks into the room with a big smile upon his face. "Reyer just took his picture with a giant booger hanging out his nose!"

"So why were in his picture,Firmin?" asked Andre jokingly. He than starts to laugh at his own joke.

Antoinette laughs at the story. "Reyer had a booger ,and you choose not to tell him?"

"He'll find out.It is after all going to be in the opera house book." said Firmin in his defense.

Erik nods in agreement. "Very true.That is precisely how I found out how closesly I resemble a shadow."

Sorelli faces the group and places her hands on her hips. "I can't believe how light heartedly you are all taking this!"

"Calm down dear.It is just a picture." soothed Philippe.

"It is not **just** a picture!" screamed the dancer. "It is a way to show people who you are.The only thing more important than the picture is the quote that accompanies it."

Andre perked up at the mention of the quote. "I already have one for us. 'Music is my love,life,and passion.' Yeah,it is so awesome!"

A collective sigh is heard from the whole group.Erik walks up to Andre and pats him on the back. "Andre,every loser composer in the history of time has used that quote."

"Like you?"

Philippe races to separate Erik from Andre before the former can strangle the latter. "No Andre.Your quote has to have purpose to it,so that when you are 30 and having nothing to look forward to in life,you can just look back and smile.Of course that won't happen to me because of my position and wealth in society." He starts to glower.

Antoinette stares at him critically. "You know what is disturbing? Hidden within that somewhat shallow explanation was a grain of truth.We need a good quote this year."

"Well," begins Sorelli "the best quotes usually center around things that you highly value.Like me. My charming personality,my wonderful physique,or maybe something about the sparkle that I bring to your cold ,meaningless lives." She holds her hands out to her sides to model herself off.

"What about that inevitable feeling of joy that washes over me after you have left the room?" offered Erik with a big smile upon his face.

"No," said Firmin "we should have something that involves all of us.What about one that talks about how we all met?"

Antoinette laughs and turns to Philippe. "Remember how we first met?"

Sorelli becomes suspicious at the mention of this meeting. "Was it romantic in any way?" asks the dancer.

"It was more pitiful than romantic." replies Antoinette.

_Flashback to a seven year old Philippe that is standing next to his parents.They are in the entrance way of the opera house apparently waiting for someone._

The Comtesse pats her hair and shivers because of the cold weather. "How long do we have to wait for this new composer and his family?"

"Not long." answers the Comte. "I just hope this one is better than the last one.He was a complete moron."

Soon an elderly looking man and his daughter come up to the family.The elderly man holds out his hand. "Hello.I'm the new composer here.Are you the patrons?"

"Yes we are." answered the Comtesse with a fake grin on her face. "We have been waiting quite a while for you."

"My apologies madame,but we got a bit lostily-lost." explained the new composer cheerily.

The Comte's face falls with the lame joke. "Aw crap!" exclaims the man. He than heads inside.

The Comtesse is stricken with emabarrassment. "I sincerely apologize for my husband.He is just feeling...under the weather." lied the woman. She pushes her son forward. "This is my son Philippe."

The new composer's smile is still plastered on his face.He pushes forward his daughter. "I don't mind that thing with your husband. This is my daughter Antoinette."

"Say hello to Antoinette,Phillipe." prods his mother.

Instead of introducing himself,like a polite little boy,he merely just gazes at the little girl with love in his eyes.She is not returning the look. "What are you staring at ,dandy?" She than kicks him in the shins.

The little Vicomte collapses.He lifts his head,and the look of love is still on his face. "You are so powerful." admires the young boy.

_Flashback ends._

Everyone in the room except for Philippe is laughing.

"It is not that hilarious.None of you know what it feels like to be kicked by Mlle. Manlegs over there."

"You were very strange." said Antoinette. "What else could I have done?" She shrugs her shoulders.

Firmin is still laughing heartily. "Ah,if I only could have been there to have witnessed that. Philippe being beaten up by a girl.Seems like yesterday.Wait,I think it happened yesterday as well." He laughs some more.

Philippe narrows his eyes and smirks at Firmin. "You go ahead and enjoy that story while you can.Maybe I should talk about the time that you and I met."

Firmin immediately stops laughing and widens his eyes in horror. "You wouldn't."

"Yes, I would."

"NO!"

"YES!"

"YOU PROMISED NOT TO!"

"SCREW THE PROMISE! I'M TELLING IT!"

_Flashback to a 7 year old Philippe and a 7 year old Firmin standing in the entrenceway of Philippe's house.Firmin stands out a lot because he happens to be very dirty compared to all the clean new things._

"Thank you for accompanying me to my home,Firmin." thanks the little Viscount. "That ballerina girl has legs of steel!"

"Don't mention it.Here's some advice while I'm here. Don't let a girl get the upper hand in a verbal or physical fight.It's not good for your reputation." advised the little urchin.

"Thanks Richard."

"Call me Firmin." instructs the little boy.

"Allright. Wouldn't it be neat if my name was Dandy? Than we could be Firmin," he points to his bodyguard, "Dandy!" He points at himself and puts on a happy face.

Firmin keeps his straight face. "That's just plain stupid.You also owe me." He holds out expectantly for his pay.

As Philippe is digging around in his pockets,his parents enter.His mother is suprised at the sight of the dirty little boy in her neat household. "Who is this young man?"

Philippe looks up at his mother. "This is Firmin."

His mother puts on a polite grin. "Well that is so nice that you have a new friend." She turns to her husband. "Go get that camera so we can remember this precious moment."

"I'm not his friend." announces the dirty boy. "I am his personal bodyguard."

The Comte shakes his head. "Don't embarrass our son,dear."

"Do not be ridiculous. There is no shame in having new friends.Especially one that is so...messy." She bends down to the boy's level. "Can you guess a fun thing that friends do together?"

_Flash to Firmin and Philippe in the same bathtub.They are both looking very depressed.The Comte is standing above them._

"I apologize son." He than leaves the room.

Firmin looks at Philippe in fury. "If you **ever **tell anyone about this,I **will **kill you." threatened the now clean boy.

Philippe tries to apologize by holding up a rubber duck.Firmin just slaps it away.

_Flashback ends._

Firmin glares at the noble. "Now I must kill you."

Sorelli interrupts the hostile air by giving a shout.Everyone faces her. "Oh.Sorry,it's just that I was looking through last year's book ,and I just noticed that they actually caught a good clear picture of Erik."

At the mention of an actual picture of their mysterious friend,everyone crowds around the dancer to see said picture.Before anyone can get a good hard look,Erik snatches the picture from Sorelli's hands and rips it up to tiny shreds.He than dumps the shreds into a trash can and lights them on fire. "Nothing to see here."

"Come on Erik!" exclaims Andre in dismay. "It could not have been as bad as that picture of Sorelli when she got a giagantic zit on her cheek." reassured the young man.

Sorelli punches Andre in the arm. "I told you to never bring that up!"

"Well I'm sorry ,but it's pretty difficult to get that horrible image out of my mind." He than squirms at the thought.

"Well try to forget about it!" yelled the dancer. "Anyways,I have a perfect complexion this year.And do you know why? It is because I have become a mature young lady." pronounced the girl proudly.

Everyone laughs at this.

"Seriously! I am woman.Hear me roar! **That** should be our quote." She than folds up her arms and looks around scornfully.

"What about a quote from the strangest day of your lives?" asked Erik.

Antoinette looked at him inquistively. "And that would be..?"

"The day you met me of course!" proclaimed the strange boy.

_Flashback to 14 year old Philippe,Andre,and Firmin strolling around the catacombs of the opera house._

"Hey Philippe,what's up with Antoinette?" asked Firmin.

The Vicomte is caught off guard by this question and starts to twitch uncontrollably. "What do you mean! We are just friends! Goodness! Why does everyone have to nose around in my business? I have no interest in her! Imagining the two of us together is just...freaky!"

"Calm down,man.I was just going to ask you why she didn't come to practice today." said Firmin.

"Oh."

"GOT YOU!" yelled Andre.He points at the embarrassed teenager.

Suddenly the sound of several rocks falling makes the boys turn in wonder.There in front of them is a dirty little boy with a burlap sack over his head.The boy freezes as he realizes that he has captured all of their attention.He slowly turns around to face them. "DAMN!" curses this mysterious child.

"Who the hell are you!" questions Firmin with astonishment written all over his face.

"None of your business." spats the boy. "But if you must really know than simplyhear that I am one of the current residents of these catacombs."

Slowly Andre walks up to the masked child and stretches out his hand.

"What are you doing Andre?" asks Philippe.

"I'm going to see what's under this sack." answers the simpleton.

Before Andre can do something that he will most likely regret,Firmin grabs his friend's collar and yanks him back.He than steps toward the maskedboy and holds out his hand. "I am Firmin.If that idiot," he points at Andre, "ever tries to do something idiotic like that,than just come looking for me."

The boyslowly takes his hand and shakes it. "While I thank you for stopping your friend,I must assure that I am very capable of handling myself." He than grips the teen's hand very firmly to demonstrate.

Firmin rips his hand from the grip and steps back trying to return the flow of blood back into his hand.Philippe steps forward and also extends a hand. "I am Philippe."

The dirty child also takes his hand and smiles. "So you are the one that is in love with Antoinette.I'll be sure to tell that I've met her lover."

Philippe's face immediately pales. "No I am not!" yells the noble defensively. "Wait,did you say you already knew her?Damn it."

"Well my name is Erik-" just as he said his last name a very loud yell was heard from above.

Andre looks at Erik in disbelief. "I don't know if I can say his last name."

"We could just call him by his first name." offered Philippe. "Like how you guys address me."

"Yeah but that is only because your last name sucks." replied Andre.He doesn't notice Philippe's look of rage as he goes on with his thoughts. "I know! We could call him Freaky!" yelled the teen in excitement.

Before he could get his wits about him,Erik had tackled him and was now delivering several punches to his stomach.

"CAN'T...BREATHE..." exhaled Andre,who was now being choked.

Philippe sighed and went over to pull Erik off of Andre. "I have a feeling that this is going to happen a lot." commented the young man.

Firmin nods in agreement. "I think you're right about that...Antoinette-lover."

_Flashback ends.Everyone except Philippe and Sorelli are laughing._

"I did not like her than." said the Vicomte defensively.

Sorelli faces him with pure anger in her eyes. "What do you mean **than**?"

"Ummmm nothing dear." replied the scared boy.

"I forgot about calling him Freaky!" exclaimed Andre. He continues laughing at the memory.

Antoinette tries to restrain Erik before he can get to Andre. "You know what is so lovable about Andre? He never learns his lesson,and gets continually beaten up by Erik."

Andre immediately stops laughing at this truth. "Th..th..th..that is entirely UNTRUE! Name **one** time that he has done that besides the time that we met." challenges the offended boy.

The ballerina smirks at him. "I shall name _several_ with pleasure."

_Flashback to not so long ago time.Antoinette,Philippe,Andre,and Erik are eating lunch at Philippe's house._

Erik is eating his food contentedly. "I love this food.It is so good.I especially love these mashed potatoes." He smiles in delight.

"Oh yeah?" asks Andre. He than puts a large quantity of mashed potatoes in his mouth and spits it on top of Erik's pile of mashed potatoes. "Love THAT!" exclaims the idiotic teen. He than starts to guffaw.

"I think you should scoot back,Antointette." advised Philippe.

The warning came just in time for at that second Erik thrust down both of his utensils and tackled Andre to the floor.He than proceeds to choke him.

"OX..Y..GEN!" yells Andre in desperation.

_Flash to Firmin,Antoinette,Erik,and Andre all playing catch at the park._

Andre throws the ball to Erik ,but the ball flies over the latter's head. Erik watches as the ball lands very far away from them. "You threw it too high.Go get it." commanded the masked boy. "And that's also a foul."

Andre pouts as he marches toward Erik. "Do you know what else is foul? Your attitude." He than shoves Erik.

Erik gets an evil gleam in his eye and retaliates.Soon he has Andre trying to go into the fetal position so that he may protect his neck.It is a useless attempt. "MY...NECK!"

_Flash to Antoinette and Erik sitting in a dressing room.Erik is reading a magazine when Andre comes in._

Andre snatches the magazine from Erik's hands,sits down,and begins to read it.Erik glares at him. "Give it back." instructs the genius in a calm and collected tone.

"No."

"I am telling you nicely to **give it back.**" warns Erik one last time.

Andre leans his head toward Erik. "NOOOOOOOO!" replies the teen obnoxiously.

Something visibly snaps within Erik.You wouldn't be able to see it though,because he had just slammed Andre into the ground.While the two boys wresteled,Antoinette picks up the magazine that was dropped.

"NEED...AIR!"

_End of Flashbacks._

Andre puts his hand up to his throat in a defensive manner. "You have a real knack for aiming for my throat."

Sorelli puts her arms up to her chest. "Those were horrible memories! I was not even in **one** of them!" pouts the dancer.

"That is what makes them so delightful." comments Erik.

"Sorelli sort of has a point." admits the other dancer. "We need to come up with some nicer memories."

Firmin smiles. "What about the day that I met **all** of you?"

_Flashback to 14 year old Firmin and Andre being led down a hallway by 13 year old Erik._

"I can't believe that for all of the times that you stick around the opera house,you have never taken an opportunity to get to know Antoinette." remarked Erik with suprise in his voice. "Well you will probably like her a lot.She is very nice." Andre falls behind a little bit to tie his shoe.Firmin and Erik keep on going and shortly stop at a door.Erik knocks once and doesn't wait for a response before opening it.

_We go to inside the room where see Antoinette standing in front of the door.As the door opens she is taking off her top ,and we can see that she is not wearing a brassierre._

Both Erik and Firmin's faces light up with joy.Andre is still tying his shoe in the hallway.The ballerina stares at shock at the two boys. "ERIK!" screeches the girl.

His face reddens in embarassment. "I...sorry...really...am..."

"You were right Erik! I like her a lot!" exclaims Firmin.

At this statement Andre lifts his head in wonder.He tries to race to the door ,but it is too late for Antoinette has already slammed the door in their faces. "Wait! I didn't get to see anything!" yells the boy in desperation. He than starts pounding on the door.

_Flashback ends._

"Now **that** is a good memory." comments Firmin.

"No it's not." laments Andre. "It is memories like that which just remind me that I am the only here who hasn't seen Antoinette's woman parts."

"It is not as if you have not tried!" shouted Antoinette.

_Flashback to Antoinette just sitting in her room reading.Suddenly Andre barges in._

"MY APOLOGIES!" yells the boy in advance.He face falls when he sees what she is doing. "Nevermind." He walks away.

_Flash to Antoinette sitting at her desk studying.The door bursts open to reveal Andre standing there excitedly._

"SO SORRY!" apologizes the boy again.His face gets clouded over in disappointment once more. "Damn." He walks away.

_Flash to Antoinette practicing some dance moves when the Andre bursts in._

"OOPS SORRY!" He gets upset once again at not being able to see any skin.His face brightens up though when he notices what she is doing. "Maybe I'm not so sorry." He would have come in and stayed to watch her practice if it hadn't of been for Antoinette kicking him out of the room and slamming the door in his face. "Damn." mutters the boy before once more walking off in sadness.

_Flashbacks end._

Philippe walks over to Andre and slaps himin the head. "Pervert." mutters the count's son.

Andre rubs the back of his head. He would have said something back if it were not for the sight of Philippe's face. "Ummm Philippe,speaking of breasts I think there is one trying to grow on your forehead."

At the mention of a blemish,Philippe reaches a hand up to his forehead to feel a massive,greasy bump on his head. "Mon Dieu! He's right!" He turns on Sorelli. "Look what you've done to me!"

Erik puffs at the Vicomte's little freak out. "Try having that all over your face." comments the disfigured boy.

Andre beams at the mark upon Philippe's head. "Once I had this friend who had a giant zit like yours.He popped it,and all the puss traveled up to his brain." He bows his head in reverence. "He is no longer on this earth."

"And who would this unfortunate being be,precisely?" asked Sorelli questioningly.

"You would have never met him."

The dancer puffs. "Because he never existed."

"No! It's because he is dead now!" yelled Andre in defense of his strange story.

"Let us try and concentrate people!" commanded Antoinette. "We need some more memories here."

"It is a little difficult at the moment to think of a story." said Firmin. "The Viscount's blemish is just so entrancing right now.It follows me everywhere I turn." He than moves his head and cringes.

The ballerina rolls her eyes. "You know what is more entertaining than Philippe's zit? The day that I met Sorelli."

_Flashback to 13 year old Antoinette,Firmin,and Andre standing in a line in front of 12 year old Sorelli at the opera house._

"Hello Antoinette." says the little girl. "We haven't met before.I think it is because I have more talent than you." She than turns her back on the girl she just insulted and starts to walk away.

Antoinette picks up a nearby prop and chucks it at Sorelli.It hits her right on the head. "Hey Sorelli." says the girl in a feux sugary tone.

Sorelli whirls around and glares at the other girl. "That hurt you baboon!"

Firmin sticks out his head. "Welcome to the Opera Populaire!"

_End of flashback._

Everyone except for Sorelli is chuckling.

"Wish I could have seen that." said Erik and Philippe simultaneously.

Sorelli glares at the duo. "You know Philippe,when you laugh,your zit gets a little wrinkle." snaps the dancer angrily.

"I think that I might have a solution to your problem." offers Firmin.He steps toward the Vicomte and slaps his head.

Philippe squirms in pain. "Don't do that!"

"Yeah." backed up Sorelli. "Andre's friend perished the same way!" mocked the dancer.

Andre looks hurt. "He did,Sorelli!"

"Enough of this guys." says Antoinette. "I think that there lies a good quoteinvolving Sorelli being hit in the head. Like 'Neat! Sorelli got hit in the head!' "

Sorelli looks venomously at the other dancer. "That would be bad. I think our quote should be something romantic."

"Like our first date?" supplied Philippe.

"Exactly."

Philippe wraps his arms around the dancer and smiles contentedly. "Let me tell it darling."

_Flashback to a 7 year old Andre sitting outside of a tent.The Comtesse de Chagny and her husband approach the tent._

"Philippe is in there with another girl! Do something!" urges the Comtesse to her husband.

The Comte sighs and goes up to the tent. He starts to shake it vigorously. "Come out of there now!"

A 7 year old Philippe and a 6 year old Sorelli come out from the tent.

"Philippe Georges Marie de Chagny,were you playing doctor with this little girl." admonishes his mother.

He gives his mother a look of utter confusion. "No.I am a doctor."

His father starts laughing. "Smooth line ,son." He sees the stern look on his wife's face and tries to also be stern. "Imean...bad boy."

Sorelli comes to the aid of Philippe and hugs him. "Don't yell at him! I love him!" proclaims the little girl.

_End of flashback._

Sorelli slaps the back of Philippe's head. "That was **not** our first date!"

Andre laughs at Philippe being yelled at. "Yes,but I think he got further on that occasion than he did on your _actual_ first date,so he likes to remember that one."

Philippe stares at Andre. "You know,you made a great impression upon my parents that year."

_Flashback to 7 year old Andre standing outside Philippe's house._

A servant opens the door and stares at the sight of the boy.For even though his top is well taken care of he is not wearing pants.

"Is Philippe home?" inquires the pantsless boy politely.

The servant stammers. "Y..yes.Monsieur PHILIPPE!" The servant than backs away from the door as Philippe approaches.

Philippe starts laughing at the sight of his friend. "I think you fogot something at home,Andre!" says the boy between the laughs.

Andre gives him a confused look. "What do you mean by that?" He see Philippe pointing down and looks in that direction. His eyes widen in horror. "MY PANTS!" He than runs away as quick as he can.

_End of Flashback where everyone except Andre is laughing._

"Why can't we be nice?" questions the distraught youth.

Antoinette stops laughing and once again resumes her serious manner. "How come we can't come up with anything? Other people who are dumber and more shallow can so why can't we?"

"Maybe we could use the Prima Donna's quote." suggested Erik as he looked down at the book in his hands. "Singing in the opera house,soaking up the glory,always getting my way,best clothes in Paris...that's it."

Antoinette shakes her head in dismay. "We are so pitiful.What have we been doing our entire lives?"

_Flashback to 7 year old Philippe,Andre,and Firmin sitting in a circle.They are not under the influence yet._

"What do you think is better? Being witha prima ballerina or being witha prima donna?"asked Andre.

"Why are you thinking of these weird things?" asked Firmin in reply.He than actually gives the question some thought. "I think that a prima donna is cooler.They always seem to get more power."

Philippe shakes his head at thought of girls. "Why do the ballerinas always wear such skimpy clothing? It makes me feel so uncomfortable." The little boy shivers once more.

_Flash to 14 year old Firmin,Andre,and Philippe still sitting in the circle.13 year old Erik has now joined them.Now they are under the influence._

Firmin nods his head in disagreement. "No way are singers more attractive than dancers! I heard about this opera that was performed in some little country where the ballerinas are completely **nude**.The government here banned it of course." said the conspirarist bitterly.

Andre just smiles happily. "All I know is that singers can do whatever they want. All that power can really turn a guy on."

Philippe stares in wonder at nothing. "What if you didn't have to choose? What if there was a way that you could be with both of them at the same exact time?"

Erik just nods at this question. "I think that is totally possible.Who says there can't be a girl out there who can do **both**?"

Andre is amazed by this.He turns toward Firmin. "Is that possible? Better yet,is that even legal?"

Firmin nods his head in agreement. "Anything is legal my friend,if you dont' get caught." He holds out a chocolate box. "Stolen chocolates?"

_Flash to present.Erik,Andre,Firmin,and Philippe.They are still in a circle and are still under the influence._

Philippe grabs a chocolate and pops it into his mouth. "Guys,this argument is settled.Yesterday I saw the leading soprano chew out all of those little ballet brats. Prima Donna wins,hands down." He swallows his chocolate.

Andre looks appalled at what the Viscount has just said. "So what if the singer can chew out those that are underneath her? The dancer will always have the better body ,and more people look at them! So who beat who in that instance!"

"You know what might solve this whole dispute?" asked Firmin. "Some singer-dancer wrestling! I know that I would be there to witness it."

Erik shakes his head at all of the valid points in the ongoing discussion. "All that I am sure of is that both sides win.The dancer has the flexibility while the singer has the voice.I think I'll just wait until I find a girl that has both."

"Good luck with that." says the trio unanimously.

Soon Antoinette pops in and takes a seat on Erik's lap. "All I have to say to you guys is that you just don't know what it's like to be a ballerina.All the stagehands stare at us! I think there might even be a peephole in the dressing room!"

All the boys perk up at the mention of this peephole.They are soon joined by Sorelli who takes a seat on Philippe's lap. "The perfect combination would be a ballerina's costumes,a Prima Donna's entourage,and than both of their talents."

Firmin takes a look at the group. "Does anyone else feel like we've been discussing this for a bit too long?" In reply a bunch of chocolates get hurdled at him.Everyone is laughing and enjoying themselves.

_Flashback ends._

Andre looks as if something has hit him. "Eureka! I've got it!" yelled the teen excitedly. "I finally have an idea for a quote!" Everyone stares at him expectantly. "Friends are my life!"

Antoinette stares at him increduosly. "I think Andre is right. We have made many good memories together."

"Too bad we can't remeber most of them." commented Firmin.

Philippe stands up. "With that issue resolved,I am off to get rid of this monstrosity." He than trots out of the room.He comes back into the room with a gian red smear on his forehead. "How does it look?"

Everyone just stares at the smear on his forehead. "Great." mumbles everyone simultaneously.

The Viscount smiles proudly at them. "Okay.Now I'm ready to take my picture."

"That's good to hear." compliments Antoinette.She than rises and pushes everyone towards the exit. "You all need to leave now because I'm going to change my top." Once everyone is gone she closes the door.She than starts to unbutton her top when the door burst open.

"MY MISTAKE!" yells Andre. His face falls though when he sees that her top is still on.

The ballerina looks at him angrily. "Andre,I thought that we just finished this today!"

"Maybe if you let me see them than I'd stop!" yells Andre in defense.The dancer sighs and than grudinglyopens her top for him to see. "Mon Dieu! They are the most magnificent things that I have ever layed my eyes upon." remarked Andre. He than passes out unto the floor.

_Cut to how their pictures turned out and what they were most expected to become._

Sorelli is looking at the lens in a seductive manner.She is 'Most Likely to Destroy any Powerful Man she Meets.'

Firmin is looking at the camera very seriously. He is 'Most Likely to Rip You Off.'

Despite Andre's attempts at trying to look sexy he just comes out goofy looking. He is 'Most Likely to Blow Himself Up.'

Antoinette looks very sweet and sincere in her picture.She is 'Most Likely to Top Secret Things.'

Philippe's picture would have turned out allright if it wasn't for the giant red smear that came out looking like he had a deformity.He is 'Most Likely to be Laughed at Behind his Back.'

And on the very first page of the opera house book is a small picture of a dark blur.The whole page is dedicated to this one picture.The article on said pageis entitled 'Opera Ghost: Myth or Fact?'


	12. Dates & Lies

**A/N-**Hey there again wonderful audience.Appreciate the reviews and the hits. First skit is Antoinette and co.And if you forgot **Marie** is Raoul's sister. I'm turning her into **Laurie. **Even though the Persian is included in the second skit,it is still movie universe.

**Disclaimer-**If I owned it than I would have killed a wonderful story.Seeing as the story is still alive and kicking,and that I am not super rich, I think it's safe to say that I don't own it.  
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_Andre and Sorelli are at a wedding reception for a friend.Andre sees a pretty girl sitting next to him and tries to woo her._

"Hello there.I guess for the next few hours we are going to be table partners." He scoots closer to her. "Do you want to be partners in another thing?" He arches his eyebrows suggestively.

"Not even in your dreams." The girl than huffs in disgust and turns her back on him.

This action does not discourage the young man.He turns excitedly to Sorelli. "The most exquisite being is sitting beside me." reports the ecstatic teen.

Sorelli primps her hair at this remark. "I already knew that. Didn't my hair just come out wonderfully?"

"Not you scrawny." replies Andre. He points to the girl he was talking to. "That is the goddess to whom I am refering to.I need your help." pleaded the teen.

Sorelli glances at the girl. "Judging by her figure ,and the way she is demeaning to those around her, I would say that she is also a snobby ballerina type.She is like me!" She faces Andre. "This is going to be easy. We only understand two things...money and flexibility." She sums Andre with her eyes. "I think we should just concentrate on money with you."

Andre puts on a puzzled look. "So if I wanted to be with you,all I have to do is pay you?"

Sorelli smacks his head. "Not that way!" hisses the dancer. "I mean you need to **act** rich." explained the now calmed down girl.

A waiter comes up to their table to take their orders.

Andre takes a deep breath and tries to sound important. "Waiter,I am very wealthy and as a rich man, I have more money than you can even dream of." states the lying teen.

At the mention of his money,the girl who had brushed him off whirls around to look at him.

The waiter sighs at this obnoxious statement. "Monsieur,I would just like to take your order and depart from your presence as fast as I can if it so pleases you." says the waiter a bit bitterly.

"Don't give me that tone of voice!" commands Andre. "And as fast as you could leave could in no way compare to how fast I could count my thousands."

The waiter glares at him menacingly. "Yes,well Mr.Bigshot,your zipper is open." He than walks away with a smirk on his face.

With a red face,Andre reaches down to zip up his fly.He than notices that the girl is looking at him intently. "Honestly,sometimes those servants just don't know their place in society." said Andre. "Ungrateful pricks!"

The girl moves closer to him and holds out a hand. "I am Jiselle. Who are you?"

Andre takes her hand and kisses it. "Andre.Gilles Andre."

_Later on at the wedding,Andre pulls himself away from Jiselle and walks up to Sorelli._

"Thanks for the act rich tip,Sorelli." He gives her hug,but than a concerned expression is on his face. "The only problem now is that Jiselle said that money is great,but she wants to get to know the real me. And I am finding that I truly care for her." states Andre sincerely. "So what is another great,false characteristic that you could give me so that I can shack up with her?"

Sorelli thinks for a bit,and than stares at Jiselle. "Well she is wearing a fur coat.That is an obvious sign that she loves animals! Which means that she is probably into sensitive guys." reasoned the dancer.

"Sensitive,ay?"

"Yes,sensitive men."

Jiselle approaches Andre and hooks her arm into his. "Hey honey. Where did you go?"

Andre rips his arms out hers. "Who do you think you are taking over like that? Don't be so rude! I am a sensitive being you know." He than folds his arms and glares at Jiselle.

Sorelli slaps the backside of Andre's head. "Andre! Not that kind of sensitive!"

Andre looks at Jiselle sheepishly and unfolds his arms. "Just kidding?"

_Near the end of the wedding reception Andre is chatting with Sorelli._

"I appreciate all the advice you have given me. She was telling me all these tales of the things that she does at the opera house that she trains at,and I think that she might be a bit of a floozy." He smiles at this. "So if there is anything I can do to repay you-"

"There is." said Sorelli. "When the bride tosses her boquet I want to be the one to catch it.It is so symbolic of love ,and it could bring me luck in my relationship with Philippe." Her eyes become a bit glazed as she contemplates this thought.She soon snaps out of it and adresses Andre in a serious manner. "So what I need for you to do is shove all the other heifer whores out of the way so thatI can catch it."

Andre nods. "Don't worry. I'll make sure those fatties get squashed to the ground!"

_Two minutes later he is with Jiselle,and she is really warming up to him._

"Gilles Andre, you are both wealthy and sensitive.It's perfect! I think that I may consider that proposition you brought up." She gives him a seductive look before backing off of him. "Under one condition. You have to push all the other girls out of the way so that I can catch the boquet."

Andre looks at her nervously. "How many boquets get tossed?"

"Only one." answers Jiselle.

"Uh-oh."

_Now it's the boquet toss.Andre is standing between Sorelli and Jiselle.We go into Andre's head._

"What should I do? Sorelli has helped me but what use is that if Jiselle doesn't even do it with me? Who to help. Old friend"He looksat Sorelli."or new play thing?" He gazes at Jiselle.The boquet is tossed. "What's wrong with you Andre? Do the right thing." He than musters all of his strength and shoves Sorelli to the ground.Jiselle catches the boquet and hugs Andre. He simply smiles.  
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_Meg is trying to pick up the pieces of Erik's broken heart.Problem is that he has no interest in her._

Erik is sitting in the opera house in his box with the Persianwhen Meg sneaks up on him. "Hello Erik." says the ballerina.

Erik doesn't even turn his head. "What are you doing here,Mlle. Giry?"

"I just wanted to accompany you on this lovely summer day. Don't you think that summer time can also be a time of romance and wonder?" answered Meg.

"Yes.The bitter sting of the sun mocking you for having lost your one true love can be quite romantic." said the Phantom sarcastically.

Meg holds her hands behind her back. "So would you like to escort me to the Opera Populaire's annual summer picnic?" asked the girl nervously.

"Certainly not." replies the Opera Ghost calmly and firmly. "I do not care to go any place with you."

He gets up and starts to leave when Meg blocks his way out. "That's all right! We can just...stay inside!" She plops herself on the chair that was previously occupied by Erik.

Erik slaps his forehead. "Meg,you do not seem to understand! I keep on telling you that I am in no way interested in you,and that you have as much as a chance with me as much as Daroga has a chance with Carlotta! Yet here you are thinking that I have interest in you ,and that you actually have a chance!" yells Erik.

Meg's eyes widen. "Did you just say that I have a chance ,and that you are interested?"

The Phantom looks at her in exasperation.He looks over at the Persian for help,but he simply just smiles. He walks over to Meg. "I am sorry mademoiselle,but you have pushed me into a corner.I shall convey my feelings to you in a form of Japanese poetry otherwise known as Haiku."

"You've made a poem for me! How sweet." the ballerina than sits up straight to give Erik her full attention.

Erik clears his throat. " 'My heart aches with pain.When I see you,I vomit.Die away from me.' "

"Ow." comments the Persian.

"Farewell.Parting is such sweet sorrow." says the Phantom sarcastically before he vanishes.

Meg falls back into her chair. "Monsieur le Persian,never before have I heard more hateful words.Why would he want to hurt me like that?" asks the distressed girl.

"Because you are moving too fast Mademoiselle Giry." answered the Persian. "And you have been stalking him."

"I am being serious here!" shouted Meg.

"So am I. You are to Erik what Firmin is to you." explained the ebony skinned man.

Meg cringes in disgust. "Eww! That pervert and I will never be together." The concept hits her. "So Erik and I will never be together." She slumps in sorrow.

The Persian puts a comforting arm over her."It is all right.You just need to be firm.Things will work out."

She lifts her head up. "You are right.I need to be strong!" She rises up but suddenly collapses into the Persian's arms. "I can't be strong! Oh how I wish that my mom could beat him into being with me." lamented Meg.

"Due to his past experiences,I don't think that would be the most wise thing." advised the former head of police.At the glare she gives him he tries to add on. "...But yeah I know that you would like for that to happen."

_At the picnic,it is a bit bleak.Erik is standing to the Daroga at a great distance from where the festivities are happening.Meg comes up to them with a young man by her side._

"Hello you two." begins the ballerina. "I just wanted to introduce you to my date Jean." She puts her arm around him and brings him closer. "He has been harassing me for a while to go out with him so I just finally gave in.Jean,this is the Persian,and Erik."

Jean looks at the Daroga and the masked man with a questioningly look on his face. "Hello..." greets the young man uncertainly. "Meg,I'm going to go get you something to drink." He starts to walk off.

She waves him off. "Sure,whatever you want to do."

Erik waits for Jean to be out of ear shot before saying something."So you're with that Jean fellow,are you?"

The ballerina gets excited at this question. "Yes.Why do want to know? Are you jealous?"

"No. If you have choosen to be with him than congratulations.One less burden to worry about." replies Erik calmly. He than walks off towards an isolated part of the forest.

She stares after him with shock all over her face. "Congratulations?"

_Later on,Erik is leaning against a tree while Meg is leaning against Jean.She gets up to walk towards the crowd of people when Marie blocks her path._

"Hey Giry.Who's that delicious looking guy you brought with you?" asks the Vicomtesse.

Meg glances back at Jean. "Stay away right now! I just need to use him,but when I'm done you can have him...like usual." She continues walking towards the crowd when Marie stops her once again.

"So are you doing something special with him? Awesome." compliments the older girl.

"There is nothing special happening between us." replies Meg. "I am just using him to make Erik jealous."

"I get it! You are going to let him bed you a couple of times and see if he blows up. I've traveled down that path." says Marie.

The ballerina stares at the Viscountess in shock. "No!" exclaims Meg.

Marie rolls her eyes. "You are so not ready for it anyways.Send him to me when you are done!" commands the girl before walking off.

_Back at the trees,Erik is actually talking to Jean._

"So you are with Meg now?" asks Erik.

Jean nods his head. "It's going pretty well.I just can't stand it when she opens her mouth.That's when I tune her out." commented the young man.

Erik nods in agreement. "I know what you mean." Both men start heading towards the group of people.

"The problem is that she _always_ talks! But if I can get her to put out,than I think that it will be all worth it.I mean ,she is pretty _flexible_,if you catch my drift." said Jean a bit sleezily.

Erik stops dead in his tracks and faces Jean. "Hmmm.I am not sure that would be the wisest thing to do.Meg is still young.I don't think that she has been with anyone ,so..."

Jean holds his arms out. "No big shocker.I mean she is a bit of an airhead.She can be a bit bitchy too."

"Oh really." says the Phantom coldly. Suddenly he flings an arm out and punches Jean out cold.

Meg had only been a few feet away and so she had seen the whole thing. "Mon Dieu! Erik,what happened?"

Erik looked from his fist,to Meg,to the unconscious Jean. "He..jerk...airhead...insults...I didn't do anything!" said the Ghost defensively.

Meg's eyes widen in realization. "Jean called me an airhead,and you protected my honor by punching him!" exclaimed the ballerina ecstatically.

"Uhh...NO!" lies the genius.

"LIAR! I **am** an airhead ,and everyone knows it! Just admit that you love me." says Meg.She starts to stare at Erik ,and he magically turns into a knight upon a horse.

Somehow Erik is able to read her mind. "Stop looking at me like that! I am not this person!" He gestures at his attire and the horse. "Great." mutters the man darkly.

_Later on in the day,Erik is pacing around the forest when the Persian approaches him._

"Erik,I saw what happened. So that Jean fellow _was_ trying to put the moves on that girl of yours." stated the Persian.

Erik gives him a murderous look."Girl of **MINE**!" shouts the Phantom.

"Why of course.It is still that litte ballerina girl? The one whose mother is the ballet instructor? Meg Giry?" questions the former chief of police.

"She is in **no** way mine." declared Erik.

"Are you sure?"

"YES! She is a part of the opera house,which will constantly remind me of my angel.She is coming on to me too quickly.AND she is blonde,just like that idiotic boy who took Christine from me." listed Erik. "She is basically everything that I hate."

"Erik,you hate mostly everything.And some of those things that you listed are things which you love deeply." replied his friend.

"I still could not come to even have the **slightest **feelings for her. If I do than just strangle me with my own lasso."

"All right than." the Persian than reached for a lasso that he conveniently carried on his person and started to walk towards Erik.

Erik gives him a death glare before the Persian can do anything more. "Daroga,you are of no help." He than storms off in search of Meg.When he finds her,he grabs her arm and drags her off.

"Where are you taking me?" asks the girl who is a bit frightened.

"I am taking you on a date." replied the Phantom through gritted teeth.

Meg rips her arm out of his grip and races in front of him. "Really? It is a summer's day miracle!" She thrusts her arms upward in thanks.

"Yeah,yeah.Just come along now and shut up."

_Now it is night time,and the couple are sitting on a grassy hill just staring at the sky._

Meg sighs in delight. "This is the best date ever."

"Meg,until now, we haven't spoken for about 2 hours." replied Erik.

"Silence can be golden.Anyways,I understand how you work." declared the ballerina.

Erik arches his eyebrow critically. "You understand me,do you?"

"Entirely.There you are sitting and gazing at me with longing in your eyes.You are probably thinking, 'I am with this girl who is so interested in me.And she is so ravishing.' Than you are going to wonder, 'How can I reveal my feelings to her when everyone that I have loved has left me? Is there anyone left that is willing to love me?' Well you are Erik...you are." states Meg rather firmly.

The Phantom stares at her for a few seconds before lowering his head into his hands.Sobbing noises are soon heard.

The dancer puts a comforting arm around him. "Just release,Erik.I am here." She starts rubbing his back.

"Okay." says Erik.He than lifts his head to show that he was just pretending to cry. He than blows a raspberry in Meg's face and starts laughing.

"Ugh! Fine,you win! Just take me home." demanded the young girl.

Erik stops laughing when he sees how depressed she is. "I'm sorry Meg.I promise that I won't pull any more of those little stunts."

"Thank you." She than takes his arm and drapes it around herself.

"Fine." says the masked man in surrender.

_Even later on in the night.Meg and Erik are still sitting on the grassy hill._

Meg looks over at Erik. "So..this wonderful evening is almost over..."

"I know.It's such a pity." said the Opera Ghost sarcastically.At the ballerina's harsh look he withdraws the statement. "Just kidding.It was not that horrible."

The two than stare at each other for while.Than Meg leanstoward Erik and begins to kiss him on the lips.They start out awkwardly than it gets passionate.Just when Erik was getting into it,Meg stops and pulls away."That was strange. I felt absolutely nothing." She rubs her lips in consideration.

Erik stares at her in amazement. "Nothing?"

"Nada.Zilch.Zip." replied the ballerina. "It was exciting and stuff,but I just didn't feel it.Why did you feel something?"

The Phantom looks at her hesitantly. "Well...I gues...uh...No. No,I felt nothing." stumbled the still shocked man.

Meg looks at the view. "Appears you were right.Like usual.So what do we do now?"

Erik places a hand around her. "You know,I am not totally opposed to...making ourselves _comfortable_ here.If you know what I'm saying." hints thedisfigured man seductively.

Meg slaps his hand away. "You pig! As nice as that proposition sounds I do not intend to go to bed with someone on a grassy hill! Take me home and than we'll talk."  
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**A/N**-Well this is the last update for four days.I will be gone,and unable to reach a computer so I hoped you liked this.


	13. Hunting Party

**A/N-**Back from my trip with a happier countenance.The weather could not keep my spirits down.Well this skit shall be Antoinette and co.So on with the show!

**Disclaimer-**I only have 13 bucks in my wallet.I don't think that sounds like the kind of person who could own Phantom.  
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_Erik,Antoinette,Nadir,and Firmin are hanging out in Erik's dwelling._

"You know Erik," began the ballerina "it might be a good idea if you went outside and enjoyed some of the things that life has to offer.Maybe go on a picnic,do some sightseeing,or go hunting."listed Antoinette.

The Persian looked very alarmed at the mention of the word 'hunting'. "I do not think that last suggestion would be wise." advised the always cautious teen.

Erik gives his friend a bemused look. "Why do think hunting would be unwise? Are you afraid that another 'incident' will occur?" asked the mysterious boy jokingly.

Firmin and Antoinette perk up at the mention of this 'incident'. "What is this 'incident' that you speak of?" asked Firmin.

"A disastrous accident which does not concern you." answers the Persian in an agitated tone.

"Fine.Be that way." retorts Firmin.

Antoinette walks up to Erik. "Well I think that things would go smoothly despite things that have happened in the past.And the sunshine might take away your damn paleness!" shouts the ballerina.She than gasps at the last thing that she said and blushes."Oops.Didn't really mean that last one."

Erik sighs. "I would love to ,but where exactly would I stay?"

"You could always ask Philllipe." suggested Firmin. "I mean after all he is a Vicomte.I would be suprised if he **didn't** have a cabin somewhere."

"Me, ask de Chagny? That's preposterous!" raged the disfigured boy.

"Just ask him for Pete's sake!" exclaims Antoinette. "We wouldn't think any less of you.Why don't you ask him right now? He's probably in the opera house chatting with Sorelli." And with that she starts to lead Erik out of his own home.

"Allright than." mutters the boy darkly.

After the ballerina has made sure that Erik has left she goes back to the two remaining teenagers.

Nadir is obviously shaken by the plans. "Umm Antoinette?"

"Don't even start with me Nadir." snapped the dancer. "I think it is about time that Erik went outside for something besides supplies and threatening people."

"Isn't this hunting idea sort of like a combination of the two?" pointed out Firmin. He was than silenced by a glare from Antoinette.

Nadir broke the uncomfortable silence. "Fine.I will allow him to go on this trip.But I am going along to make sure that he doesn't try something weird."

"I'll come as well!" offered Firmin. "But if I don't come back,I think you will know who to lock up."

"I think he is more likely to go after Andre." replied the Persian.

The dancer and the conspirarist nod in agreement.That was when Erik reentered his home with a triumphant look upon his face. "We are going hunting!"

"That's splendid!" exclaimed the ballerina.

Erik's mood than darkens a bit. "But that fool Andre is coming along as well."

Antoinette puts on a concerned face. "Well maybe you'll feel better after you've killled something."

Erik's bright mood comes back once again. "I always do!"

_Three days later the boys are on there way to the cabin in an open carriage provided by Phillipe.Erik is driving with Nadir by his side.Firmin and Phillipe are sitting in the carriage watching the scenery.Andre is standing up with a shotgun in his hands._

"Guys don't be afraid! If I see a deer on the road,I'm going to shoot it!" exclaimed the young man happily.

"If you so much as lay a **finger **on the trigger than I swear that I shall pull over this carriage and beat you unmercilessly until it is time to go back." warns Erik without even turning his head.

Firmin leans over to Andre. "Do it Andre!"

The Persian turns to face them. "Monsieur le Vicomte,would you please take that weapon away from Andre?"

Andre ,on hearing this, sat down and held his shotgun in a protective manner. "NO! I want to hold it."

Phillipe rolls his eyes. "Just give me the gun,Andre." When Andre doesn't give him the weapon,Phillipe simply just rips it from his hands.

The weaponless boy looks sadly at his empty hands.

The group sits in silence for a moment when Firmin clears his throat. "So Erik,tell us about this 'incident'. Sounds really interesting."

As Erik opens his mouth and is about to say something ,Nadir kicks his leg. "Oww!" He reaches down to rub his leg. "Fine! I **won't** tell them than."

Andre bounces up and down in excitement. "Do you think that there is a chance that we might see bears? Because I would be really happy if I got tokill a bear."

Erik almost crashes because he almost completely turns around to look at Andre.After he has regained control he says what is on his mind. "You can't kill a bear! It is currently deer season. If you kill a bear than they will fine you and throw you in prison."

Andre shakes his head at these facts. "Nuh-uh.I will simply tell the court that I was acting in self defense. Who is the jury going to believe?Me or a dead bear?" questions the delusional boy.

"The dead bear." answers everyone simultaneously.

"One time I killed a bear." said Phillipe out of nowhere.

"As if." replied Firmin.

"Seriously! I did.I was out in the woods one day and was getting some water from a creek.Than when I looked up I saw this bear eyeing me.So I took my shotgun and 'BANG!' Right between the eyes. Survival is a natural instinct for me." explained the wide eyed Viscount.

"So what did you do after you shot it?" asked Erik. "Did you bring it home and stuff it?"

"No.I just left it there.I simply returned home after that little adventure."

"Why didn't you bring it back so that you could show it off?" asked the amazed driver.

"Because it was so big,and noone was there to help me bring it back." replied Phillipe unconvingly.

"Oh." Erik than puts on a disbelieving look.

_Cut to a two hours later.They have arrived at Phillipe's cabin ,and Andre comes out of it when he sees a deer standing right in front of him._

"Good Lord." whispers the young man softly. He than creeps up to the carriage to retrieve his shotgun.Before he can get it out,the deer runs off. "NO! COME BACK! DAMN IT!**DAMN,DAMN,DAMN**!" He than starts stomping about.

The boys minus Erik run out of the cabin at his cursings. "What in heaven's name is wrong with you?" asks the young aristocrat.

Andre faces the group with a bewildered look in his eyes. "What's wrong with me is that I missed the perfect opportunity to kill a deer because **someone** disarmed me!"

Phillipe continues to stare in shock at his companion. "Andre! You are not supposed to fire yourshotgun in the camp!" informed the still dazed Vicomte.

"But it just walked right up to me! I was going to hunt it!"

The Persian walks over to Andre and pats him on the back. "You know,not every hunting accident is an accident.Something to keep in mind." He than takes the shotgun out ofthe disappointed boy's hands. "I don't think you should be participating any further."

"Spoilsport." mutters Andre.

"What was that?" asked the Persian sharply.

"Uhhh nothing." Andre than runs back into the cabin.

The Persian rolls his eyes at this cowardly action and than looks around at the group. "Where is Erik? I was wondering if he would come with me into the woods to look for some deer."

Firmin also glances around. "I think Andre might of shot him."

"I saw him." declared the young noble. "He went off into the woods shortly after we arrived. He muttered something about going to kill things,but all he had was a lasso!" Phillipeis clearly suprised at what Erik had armed himself with.He than starts laughing.

"Crazy foreigner."saysFirmin in a critical voice. He than starts laughing along with the Viscount.

Nadir rolls his eyes at them for being critical of Erik.Suddenly,a rustle is heard from the bushes ,and Erik emerges holding up 4 birds.This astounds Firmin and Phillipe and causes them to immediately cease their laughter.He gazes proudly at his trophies. "Dinner is served."

_Now the group is sitting around the dinner table after having eaten their dinner.Everyone is rubbing their stomachs contentedly._

Erik looks around with pure joyon his face. "Those were some delicious birds that I caught." reminded the genius to his friends.He than holds up a claw of the bird's foot with a little chain attached to it. "Memento anyone?"

Firmin looks at the little claw. "That's allright.I'm good with just eating them.That's really impressive that you caught them with just your lasso."

Andre nods in agreement to the compliment. "It's really cool how you did it.And if you hadn't of caught anything,you could still just have fun with the rope." He than beams in joy at the prospect of this.

Phillipe reaches out for the claw. "I think I'll take it and give it to Sorelli. She likes it when I give her gifts."

Nadir nods at the idea. "Yes,you should give it to Mademoiselle Sorelli. She is very nice."

Firmin starts chuckling. "Yep.We all like Sorelli."

Andre starts drooling at the thought of Sorelli. "She's got an awesome body! It must be great to be with a dancer!Especially in the bedroom." He than starts to wink at the Viscount playfully.

Phillipe looks at Andre in an out raged manner. "What?"

Andre looks around guiltily. "What?" responds the teen in equal confusion.

"No.I distinctly heard you say something about Sorelli." fumes Phillipe.

"I would never say something about her!" replied Andre. He than tries to change the subject. "So thanks again for the great pheasants Erik."

Erik practically glows at the compliment. "Yes.Beautiful black pheasants."

This comment makes everyone freeze. "Pheasants are not black. Where did you get black pheasants from?" asked the Persian suspiciously.

Andre starts laughing again. "Black is beautiful. I sure do wish that Sorelli was black.Than she would be perfect." mused the idiotic boy.

Phillipe snaps again. "There you go again!"

Andre looks at him in embarrassment. "I didn't say anything!" He than runs off.

The Persian is still a bit concerned about the bird issue. "What did you just feed us Erik?"

"They were pheasants!" replied the tempermental boy. "Pheasants that went 'Caw! Caw!' "

The group is once again frozen in shock. "You fed us crows,Erik!" exclaimed the Persian. "You just brought bad luck upon us all! We just ate someone's soul!"

Firmin touches his mouth in horror.A whimper escapes his lips. "Ah! I just devoured someone's soul and enjoyed it!"

Phillipe looks as if he will be sick.

Erik is suprisingly not affected by this announcement. "So what if I fed you a crow? You still enjoyed it." He than mutters to himself, "It's not as if my life was going to get any better."

Suddenly Andre bursts into the room with a huge grin upon his face. "Great news guys! I found my gun again!" He than brings out his gun and starts pointing it around.At the sight of him swinging it around carelessly,everyone bolts from their seats and leaves as fast as their legs can carry them. Andre looks after them with confusion on his face. "Why are guys all leaving? It's probably not even loaded." He than looks straight into the barrel...

_Cut to the Persian and Erik sitting on a hill together._

"Thanks for feeding me someone's soul." said the Persian darkly.

"Will you just shut it Nadir?All you have been doing since we got here is criticize and hush me!" yelled the masked boy. "I thought we could have a better time than the last time we went on an outing similar to this."

"Well last time was ruined because of what happened at the end!" retorted the Persian who is a bit red faced.

"If you keep yelling than we'll neverbe able to getthe deer that can wash away the taste of crow." replied Erik calmly.

"What are you talking about?" asks Nadir. Erik points a little up ahead and the Persian does a double take.He sees a gigantic buck just acouple of yards in front of them."Goodness! That thing is huge!"

"Yes he is." says Erik. He raises his lasso,but than thinks twice about it and lowers his weapon. "You should take the shot,Nadir." offers Erik.

"What?" says the Persian in stupefication.

"You heard me the first time Nadir. Take the shot!" commanded Erik this time.

"But this is something that gives you so much joy.Why are you giving me this opportunity?"

"DO NOT CROSS ME! JUST TAKE THE STUPID SHOT!" hisses Erik.He than puts both of the Persian's hands on the gun and forces him into the shooting position. "And don't shoot his face!" commands the boy once again.

Nadir takes aim and fires.

Erik looks at the deer in disappointment. "I never knew that they could run that fast." He turns to the Persian. "You really do suck."

The Persian shrugs dejectedly. "I told you that you should have gone for it." mumbles the teen.

"There is something wrong with you! You always seem to choke and get nervous when important things happen!" rants Erik.

"Well maybe it is because you constantly yell at me!" spat the disgruntled Persian.

"I DO **NOT**YELL ATYOU!" yelled Erik. "GOOD LORD! HE WAS **RIGHT THERE**! I could have reached out my own hands and strangled him!"

"Than why didn't you just do that." mutters Nadir. "I'm going to head back now.Want to come with me?"

"No! I am not heading back until I get my deer! If you want to head back than you can go back by yourself." replies the disfigured boy darkly.

Nadir thinks this over and reluctantly stays where he is. "What about a story about Persia for old times sake?" asks the young man in an attempt to make Erik feel better.

"Sure Nadir." replies the trained killer. "Did you ever witness the occassion that I... **did not **miss the condemned man's throat?"

_Ten minutes later..._

"I know that at least I would have never missed him.Not when he is within grasping distance."

The Persian sighs and picks up his rifle. "Erik,do you see that empty glass bottle over there?" He than points to said bottle that is about 15 yards away from them.

The masked boy starts laughing. "Yes." He than watches as Nadir takes aim and shoots at the bottle.The bottle shatters as the shot was dead on.Now Erik is speechless.

"You're probably wondering how I did that." said the Persian reading his thoughts. "Well for your information,I am a pretty good marksman.I just didn't want to kill that magnificent animal! So I missed on purpose." admitted the Persian.

"Well that's better than you just being horrible at shooting." said Erik.

"You're not even more enraged at me?" questions the Persian as he sets his shotgun the ground.

"Not really.So do you really think that I yell too much?" asks the masked boy.

"I think that you were probably all right when you were a babe,but I unfortunately wasn't there to witness that." commented Nadir.

"Yeah.It was probably around the time that I spent with those damn gypsies that I lost what might have been a calm demeanor." He than ponders over some things for awhile. Than he turns to the Persian. "If you have something that you wish to say to me than go ahead and say it."

There is an awkward pause. "Are you sure Erik?" asks the Persian suspiciously.

"I am very serious right now Nadir.Just pretend for these few moments that I'm not some crazed masked friend of yours." soothes Erik.

There is another awkward pause as the Persian looks at the lasso that Erik is fingering. "What about if we do this when you don't have your Punjab lasso on you?" suggested the nervous friend.

Erik glares at him. "What about do what the man with the Punjab lasso is asking you to do or else?" replies the former assassin.

The Persian gulps before answering. "Here goes.I think that you are very mad because the world has just been horrible to you.It has shown you nothing but cruelness.I also think that you think that by yelling at me,it'll better shape me up for that ugly world." He than puts his hand to the level of his eyes to protect himself.To his suprise,nothing happens.

"That answer came out awfully fast." says Erik suspiciously. He than smiles and pats his friend on the back. "I think you'll turn out great Nadir."

The Persian exhales in relief.Than his eyes widen in suprise and he starts pointing out in the distance. "Look Erik! It's the same deer.He came back! That deer sure is a magnificent creature.It is as if he knows that he is like the king of the forest." Suddenly a shot rings throughout the forest,and he watches in shock as the deer falls down.

Erik is crouching on the ground with the Persian'sshotgun in his hand. "I bet he'll taste magnificent as well." He than looks up at Nadir. "And by the way Nadir,**I'm** the king of the forest."

_Cut to all the guys gathered around the carriage.Erik is securing the deer to the back of the carriage ,and everyone is looking at in awe._

"Congratulations Erik,for getting that buck that you wanted." praised Phillipe.

Andre folds his arms and huffs. "We could have been tying a second deer to the carriage ,but **someone **took my gun away because they were afraid of some competition!"

Firmin stares at his friend in a critical manner. "Andre,if we had let you keep your gun than we would have been tying Phillipe to the carriage." Andre looks very offended by this statement. Firmin ignores his anger and turns to Erik and Nadir. "So what about that 'incident' that I've been hearing about?"

Erik looks at Nadir for approval.Nadir reluctantly nods his head ,and Erik looks relieved at finally being able to tell his tale. "Well a while back,Nadir and I were hunting with Anton.He was a close friend of ours.He was nice,but he was also an imbecile,like Andre here." He nods in Andre's direction. "So we were out hunting ,andAnton had shot this deer.This made him very happy.So he had a few drinks and before we knew it,he had become tipsy as hell.Well in all this fun that Anton was having,he decides to kiss the deer.Turns out that the deer still wasn't completely dead.So when he leans down to kiss it,the deer wakes up and kicks him in the neck! And that's how Anton died." ended Erik in a casual voice.

Everyone except the Persian and Erik turns to look at the deer.Firmin is the closest to it and is staring at it in fear. "Th..th..the deer is staring into my s..s..soul." quavered the frightened Firmin.He than puts his arms over the deer's eyes. "IT IS TRYING TO STEAL MY SOUL!"

_Later at Erik's place,he has invited Antoinette and Nadir to eat the buck with him._

Antoinette is chewing away in delight. "This meat is just so succulent!" Her face than becomes a bit pale as she spits out the bullet.

Erik looks at her sheepishly. "Sorry about the buckshot,Antoinette." apologized the teen. "But it was jerking around so Nadir had to shoot it."

"Well I had to.It was...screaming." said the Persian in a horrified voice.

Antoinette immediately pales and spits the meat out.  
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**A/N-**I must apologize if I have confused you by putting the Persian in here.It really just sort of condensesErik's years in Persia.So he is not totally robbed of them,but the time spent there isjust not as long as it was in the book.


	14. Obtaining Gifts

**A/N-**I appreciate you guys who read this.It's probably the only thing that inspires me to keep on going.Well with that little note,enjoy this skit! It's going to be Antoinette and co.I must also apologize for a grave spelling error that I have not caught until today.I finally checked on how you spell Philippe's name and found that I have been spelling it wrong the entire time.So I shall be correcting that by actually spelling it correctly.I also found out what Raoul and Philippe's father's name is, so whenever you see someone named Philibert, that is him.

**Disclaimer-**What would the point be in lying? Even if I said that I owned it noone would believe me.So as someone once said,"Honesty is the best policy." Yeah,so I think you guys know what I'm going to be saying.I DON'T OWN PHANTOM!  
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_It is Erik's birthday ,and Philippe,Andre,and Firmin are trying to figure out what to get him._

Philippe puts on a most serious expression. "Birthdays can be a big deal.We need to get Erik the perfect gift."

"What would a crazy,intelligent,deformed boy want?" questioned Andre.

"Maybe for people not to ask questions like that?" suggested Firmin sarcastically.

"Really? Because that'd be really simple for me.A real money saver." Andre smiles rather goofily.

Firmin just rolls his eyes at his moronic friend.

Philippe brightens up as an idea hits him. "Maybe the way we could figure out what to get Erik is to _act _like him."

_Cut to Philippe,Andre,and Firmin standing outside of the ballerinas changing room._

Andre is gazing nervously at the door that is separating him from a large amount of dancers. "Are you sure that scaring all the girls is a good idea? I mean,even if they do seem to be airheaded,they have **really** strong legs." warned the teen.

His two friends just give him reassuring smiles. "Don't worry Andre.Just go!" exclaims Firmin.And with that,they push Andre into the room and close the door behind him.The squeal of the ballerinas are soon heard,followed by the cries of Andre.

The two teens begin laughing in spite of their friend's pain.Than they soon straighten up. "So what _should_ we get Erik?" asked Philippe.

Firmin thinks for a while. "Oh! Maybe we should steal something.That might add to it's sentimental value." boasted the boy.

Philippe nods in agreement. "You know what might be better than stolen? Stolen and **dirty**! So what could we get that is both stolen and dirty?"

As the two boys begin to go into thought,the door bursts open ,and a bruised Andre rushes out.He slams the door behind him ,and the noise of girls barricading it closed is heard from inside. He murderously glares at the pair. "THAT WAS **NOT** A **GOOD** IDEA!" shouts the beaten teen.He than slumps downin exhaustion.

Firmin and Philippe just laugh even harder than they had before. "Yes it was." replies the two unanimously.They than continue their laughter for a few more minutes.When they are both done they take big breaths and look seriously at Andre.

"While you were feeling what it was like to be Erik,we figured out an outline for what we should get as a present." said Philippe.

"Yes.We have decided on something dirty and stolen." continued Firmin. "We are just not sure on something that would achieve both of those."

Andre's angry face is soon replaced by a happier one as an idea strikes him. "What about someone else's pig?" He than shakes his head at his own notion.His face soon brightens up again. "I've GOT IT! A street sign! We shall steal it,so that it will be stolen ,and it will most likely be filthy which makes it dirty!" He jumps up in excitement.

Both boys stare at him in shock.It is Firmin who is able to comment on this idea first. "By jove! I think Andre has finally figured out his first problem."

Philippe nods in agreement. "It's a miracle."

Andre simply beams at the compliments. "I used to do this all the time with my governess when I was younger.Because I knew that if I got problems right,than she would give me a hug! **That's** the best way to learn."

Philippe stares at his friend in an awkward way. "Don't you still have the same governess?"

"Ummmm...no." He than starts walking toward the exit. "Let's go and find Erik a good street sign!"

_Cut to the boys staring at a street sign at night. The street sign reads 'Rue Punjab'. It is attached to a wooden pole that is firmlycemented into the ground._

"It's perfect." comments Philippe. "He will absolutely love it." The viscount turns to Firmin,laces his fingers together,and bends down. "Here Firmin.I'll give you a boost ,and you can grab the sign."

Firmin nods and places a foot on Philippe's hand.The minute he puts pressure on tohis hand,Philippe's hand immediately lowers ,and he cries out in pain,"MY FINGERS!"

Firmin rolls his eyes at the viscount. "Whenever you offer to do the muscle work,you should check to make sure that you have some muscle." commented Firmin.He than turns to Andre and assumes the same position that Philippe had taken. "Come on Andre.I'll give you a boost."

Andre shakes his head firmly against this notion. "No way."

"Why not?"

"Because you're going to throw me."

"I would never _dream_ of throwing you."

"Yes you would.You even**have** a couple of times."

"Well I won't this time!" Firmin's serious face is soon taken over by laughter. "You're right...I will."

Philippe than glances over at the horses that they brought with them. "Why don't we use on of the horses to reach the sign?"

Andre stares at him in horror. "I think not! Unlike you Monsieur Moneybags,I cannot afford another horse! And I've had enough experience around animals to know that you shouldn't really stand on them.And you could also hurt one of them!"

"It's never stopped you from getting on them." murmurs Firmin.

Andre glares at Firmin briefly before going on with his explanation. "I think I know another way of going about this."

_Cut to Andre sitting on one of the horses.There is a rope leading from the saddle to the pole._

"Make sure that the knot is tight enough!" commands Andre.

Philippe yanks on the rope to check. "It's secure."

Andre beams at this new before kicking his horse to go.The horse takes off rapidly while the saddle,plus Andre, fall on to the ground.The pole is unaffected by any of this.

Philippe looks between the pole,Andre,and the horse that is now afar off. "At least the horse is uninjured." replies the Vicomte.

_Cut to Andre,Firmin,and Philippe kneeling beside the base of the pole.Andre has a firecracker in his hand._

"This is what's going to happen. We can put the firecracker in the base since it is cracked.Than when it goes off 'BOOM!' We get our sign,and Erik won't kill us."

Philippe stares at Andre in a critical manner. "That just might work.IF THE BASE WAS MADE OUT OF **OATMEAL**!" criticizes the noble.

Andre looks at Philippe disdainfully. "Well viscount,if the base was made out of oatmeal,than we could just PULL IT OUT!" shouts the teen scornfully. He than produces a match from his pocket and lights the firecracker.He places the firecracker into the base and starts to run off. "I think you guys should take off as well!" warns the fleeing boy.

The two remaining boys start running as well.The trio hides behind the corner of an opposing building and watches as the fuse dies down.When the fuse burns down all the way,nothing happens.

"Hmmmm.It must be a dud.Go check it out Philippe." Andre pushes the Vicomte towards the explosive.

Philippe runs back to safety. "Ummm I think not." He than gives his friend an inquisitive look. "Why me?"

"Because you're an aristocrat! If it blew up than you could order it to just stay self-contained!"

"That's a very idiotic explanation.Which supports my theory of why you should go check on the firecracker.I mean,noone will be suprised to hear that you have blown yourself up."

Andre considers these words. "You have a good point there.So it's basically a tie."

Firmin pinches the bridge of his nose. "Just get out of the way." He than pushes the two boys out of the way so that he can get to the firecracker.He picks it up and holds it up. "Here's your explosive,_men._" He hands the firecracker to Andre.

Andre takes it and places it in his coat pocket with astonishment all over his face. "That was awesome!"

"You have given me a better outlook on the commoners of Paris." compliments Philippe.

Firmin ignores his friend's praises as he examines the pole. "I think that if we got a hold of Comte Philibert's tools than I can cut the pole down.Something I picked up from an early age." explained the former street urchin.

The Vicomte becomes a bit pale at the mention of stealing from his own father. "Are you sure that's wise? If he catches us,than don't expect to see me around again."

Andre pats him on the back. "Don't worry Philippe.I'll do the sneaking in.Your father will never know."

"Thanks for offering.But you'll have to be very quiet and subtle." offered the nervous viscount.

"Don't worry! You're talking to Gilles Andre! I am like a feline." At this moment the firecracker explodes in his pocket,causing him to jump and scream.There is now a big burnt hole in his pocket. Firmin and Philippe walk away from him with exasperation on their faces.Andre examines his burnt pocket with suprise before scurrying after them.

_Cut to Andre sneaking around the Comte de Chagny's garage._

As he is sneaking around the Comte walks up behind him with a look of anger on his face.He clears his throat to make his presence known.

The intruder whirls around to face the angry count. "Bonjour Monsieur le Comte!" greets the teen warmly. "I think I know what you are thinking. 'What is this charming young man doing in my garage?' Well I'll tell you!" Andre places an arm around the count and starts leading him away from the garage. "I was searching for a saw...so that I could cut down a tree." The Comte's glare does not lessen. "Because there issomething caughtin the..tree.A creature...A RABBIT!Yes,there is a rabbit stuck in a tree,and I was coming to borrow a saw so that I could cut down the tree,and release the rabbit back into the woods so that it may lay it's eggs." explained the young man rather proudly.

The Comte continues to look at him sternly and crosses his arms as the impact of the explanation sinks in."Rabbits do not-" The impact of the explanation hits him some more. "How on earth did a rabbit get caught in a tree?"

As he asked this difficult question,Firmin and Philippe sneak up from behind and start searching for a saw. Andre sees them and an idea hits him agian. "Well...Philippe **threw** it up there!"

On hearing this,Philippe stops searching,whips around,and gives Andre a death glare.

The Comte now has a look of confusion on his face. "Why would my son throw a rabbit into a tree?"

"Be..cause...He's a...sadistic bastard! Did you know that he shot at a defenseless kitten once?" (1)

Philippe would have tackled Andre right there and than if Firmin had not of restrained him.With saw and Philippe in hand,Firmin takes off.

The count is shaking his head. "Tell my son that I would like to speak to him."

"You've got it sir! I tell you,that son of yours needs to be watched very closely."

"Get off my property before I kick you off myself!" yells the Comte.

Andre gives him a thumbs up before running away.

_The boys are coming back to the street sign when they see a much younger boy about to depart with their sign._

Philippe approaches the boy and grabs him roughly by the shoulders. "Where do you think you are going with our sign,young ruffian?"

The young boy sizes him up and dismisses him with a huff. "I do not think that it is your sign,pompous dandy."

The Vicomte almost snaps when he realizes that he can just buy the boy off. "My apologies for being so irrational. I think that I have two gold napoleons in my pocket that can pass as an apology if you also throw in the sign."

"No thanks." replies the little boy.

"How about two month's supply of chocolates?" offers Firmin.

"No."

"What if I show you a ballerina's underwear?" asks Andre.

The little boy is suddenly enthused by this idea. So are Philippe and Firmin. "Okay!" replies the youth enthusiatically.

"Okay." say Philippe and Firimn more smoothly,but still with the same note of enthusiasm.

They all face Andre as he begins to dig into his pants pocket.He soon produces a silky pair of underwear and holds it out for them to all gaze at.

The boy can only stare in wonder. The sight is too much for him. "H..h..he..here." He than gives Andre the sign before fainting.

Firmin pats Andre on the back. "I am really amazed at you today! You've actually come up with two pretty good ideas."

"Where did you get those from anyway?" questions Philippe.

"When you guys shoved me into the ballerina's locker room,I was able to snag a pair before I curled up into the fetal position." answered Andre. "I think they belong to Antoinette." He dangles them in front of Philippe.

The red faced viscount grabs the pair of undergarments and storms away.

Andre's look after him dispairingly.He than brightens up."At least he doesn't know about the pair I was able to snatch from Sorelli."

_At Erik's birthday,the trio of boys present their gift to the birthday boy._

Erik slowly and meticulously unwraps the gift. His face glows a bit at the sight of the 'Rue Punjab' sign. "Thank you guys.I see that they still make them wooden."

The trio becomes baffled by this comment. "What are you talking about,'still make them wooden'?" asked Philippe.

"Well you did get this from the market.Did you not?"

"What do you mean their sold at the market?" questioned Firmin.

"They sell these signs there for about five sous." answered Erik.

"We **stole** it!" exclaimed the Vicomte.

"It took an eternity!" shouted Firmin.

"I had to show off Antoinette's underwear!" complains Andre.

When the ballerina hears this shegoes up to Andre and kicks him between the legs. Andre crumples in pain.

Erik looks amusemed. "It's still nice of you guys to have gotten it for me.This one,plus my other five,makes a set of six!" says the boy excitedly.

Andre looks up at him with pain in his eyes. "You are responsible for my medical bills!"  
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**A/N-**I hope that you enjoyed this. (1)-Based on the idea that Raoul shot at a kitten in Leroux's novel.I don't think that Raoul is sadistic though.


	15. Night of the MarySues

**A/N-**Yay, I finally updated a bit faster then usual! The skit is going to be Antoinette and co.  
Mary-Sues will make an appearance, but they will never appear again because I don't like my own OCs.  
Erik also might act a bit OOC with his feelings towards some of the Mary-Sues, but that's how I thought that Hyde acted during this episode.  
I am not making fun of phan girls .If any of you get that impression, then I'm sorry.  
I have messed with the space time continium just so I can mention Jack the Ripper.

**Disclaimer-**I barely have enough money to buy lunch. Does that really scream 'owner of famous play and/or hit television series' to you? I also do not own Big Rhonda. She belongs to That 70's Show.  
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_Erik, Philippe, and Andre are in Erik's house just hanging around. Philippe is a bit upset since Sorelli and he are going through the down part of their roller coaster relationship. Andre is still as horny and needy as ever ,and Erik is still perfectly fine with his bacheloredom._

The Vicomte gives an agitated sigh. "Do you know who enjoyed hanging around? Sorelli did." He then frowns and hangs his head.

Erik rolls his eyes at the teen. "You speak of her as if she is dead! When in truth you two have just separated momentarily after some meaningless spat. Will you get over it already?" exclaimed the deformed boy. "And look on the brightside, without Sorelli bothering you for the moment, you are free to be with any women that you desire.Even if she be a bit sleezy."

"Wasn't Sorelli a bit sleezy in the first place?" asked Andre. This earned him a punch in the arm from Philippe. "OUCH! Okay, sorry. I'll watch what I say about your sleezy girlfriend." apologized the moronic youngster. This comment earned him another punch. "OWW!"

Erik chuckles at Andre's pain.

Andre glares at Erik. "This is your fault Erik! Making me walk into a conversation about the sleeziness of certain ballerinas. I think you just threw out that last comment to disguise your true feelings about love. We all know that you need it." stated Andre.

"Why do I need love?" questioned Erik.

This question caused Andre to frown. "Because I need it." answered he a bit pitifully.

Erik stares at him weirdly. "I think that I shall go off and terrorize the opera house before you two turn into women." The masked boy then gets up and departs from his own home.

Philippe watches as he leaves before he faces Andre again. "For once, I wish that it would be Erik who would fall in love.Then **we** could make fun of **him**!" shouted the aristocrat. "We could gather everyone around and be like, 'Hey everyone! Erik is in love! HA!' " Philippe then starts nodding excessively as he thinks of this possibility. "It would be the best burn."

Andre stares at him in a befuddled manner. Then his eyes widen as an idea hits him. "I think that we should get Erik a girl! We could throw him a 'Let us get Erik a girl' party." suggested the often dim witted teen. "There would be beverages, food, music, and ummmm..."

"Women?" offered Philippe.

"Exactly!" yelled Andre.

_Philippe and Andre are at Philippe's house telling Antoinette, the Persian, and Sorelli about their idea. The Comtesse just happens to be in the same room ,eavesdropping._

"I think that this is a splendid idea!" exclaims Sorelli excitedly. "I will help him find the perfect match! They don't call me 'The Matchmaker' for nothing!"

"Noone calls you that."said Antoinette.

"Are you sure that this is such a good idea?" asked the Persian. "I don't think many of your Parisian girls could handle the psychotic mood swings and the actual face of Erik."

"Well there is bound to be someone as equally crazy as him." said Andre.

"Maybe there will be a nice innocent ,young girl that will see past all of that and love him for the tortured soul that he is." suggested Antoinette.

Everyone thinks over the possibility of this happening. "Na!"

Andre resumes going over the details of the party. "Now I all think that we should at least bring a maximum of 3 girls. And then if any of them are feeling dejected and are eventually rejected, I can be the shoulder that they can cry on. I will then escort them all to my place, where they can all get back at Erik by sleeping with me."

Everyone stares at Andre. A moment of awkwardness has descended upon the room. It is finally broken by the Persian moving towards the door. "I think that I shall go back to the opera house." He hurriedly rushes out the exit.

Both of the dancers look after his departing figure. "Wait for me!" They then race out of the room as well.

The countess approaches those still remaining. "Well I think that it is a phenomenal idea that you should want to match up your little friend!" exclaims the woman cheerily. "Maybe the lucky girl will help him find his way."

Philippe gives his mother a fake smile. "Yes. A girl once helped me find my way...TO HELL! I'M IN HELL!" shouted the viscount.

His mother looks at him disapprovingly and gives him a light tap on the head. "Get over yourselfPhilippe.That's what happens when yougive youryoung naive heart toa dancer.Anyways, you are not in hell." said the Comtesse. "But if you are feeling too warm then simply just take off your jacket!" She starts thinking some things over. "I guess the only reasonable place to have this little celebration is here. Well I guess that we will have the party here!"

At the words 'have the partyhere' the Comte de Chagny entered the room. "No dear." commanded the count. His wife looks at him in a confused manner. "I have absolutely no idea what you people were talking about, but the answer is 'no'. " explained Philibert.

"Well Philibert, we are going to have a party here so that Philippe's little friend can find the woman of his dreams." explained the countess.

"Why here? Why must it always be here?" asked the Comte agitatedly.

His wifelooks at him crossly. "Where else are they to have it? The street?" countered his spouse.

"That's exactly where I wish they would have it!" answered the count. "If they break something, at least it's not mine! If they vomit, the city cleans it up!"

_Cut to 2 nights from now. Andre and Philippe are in the midst of a multitude of girls in Philippe's house._

Sorelli burst through the threshold of the door and races over to the only two males at the party. "Look who I brought!" exclaimed the girl excitedly. Following behind heris a heavyset, red headed girl. She tuggs at the dress that seems very weird on her. She also wipes at a booger on her nose with her whole arm and gives a deaf defying burp.

Philippe's jaw opens at the sight of this girl. "Big Rhonda?"

The dancer nods happily.

"There goes all the wine." murmurs the Vicomte. He then walks away before he can be further disgusted by her presence.

Suddenly, the Comtesse comes in with a giant smile on her face. "Look who has arrived everyone!" exclaims the noble woman. Everyone's head turns to the door where they see the Persian dragging Erik by the scruff of his collar. "An intelligent, mysterious, interesting young man...Erik!"

The Persian drops Erik on the floor in front of Andre.

The masked boy gets up, brushes himself off, and looks around at the party that has resumed itself. "Why did you drag me here? I was going to spend a nice, quiet evening by myself since all of those airheaded ballerinas seemed to have left." He looks around at all the attendees of the party. "I guess I know where they all went now."

Andre becomes very excited at his question. "Well if you must know Erik, we are having a party with women, wine, and women." He gives him a huge grin. "For no reason at all."

"Okay." replies Erik.

"And there is no ulterior motive to this party whatsoever." added Andre nervously.

Erik gives him a strange look. "Sounds wonderful."

Andre becomes very agitated by this response. "Stop interrogating me! When I say there is nothing going on, I mean there is nothing going on!" shouts the not so bright teen.

Erik jumps at Andre's seemingly random shouting. The Persian grabs Andre and drags him away before he can give anything else away.

_Later that evening..._

Erik is in a corner eating a sandwich by himself when Andre comes up to him. "Bonjour Erik. I think that it is time that you met some of the very special women here." He then starts to lead Erik around the room.

The first girl they meet is a slim blonde.She starts throwing him seductive looks. "I just wanted you to invite you over to my church. We meet there every day to pray and discuss the Bible. It's a really spiritual experience.Would you like to come some time?"

Erik shakes his head vigorously.

She walks off in a huff, and the next woman they meet is much older.In fact, she seems old enough to be his mother."I used to date your father. Don't you find that attractive?"She then tries to stroke his head.

Erik moves away from her in fear. "Considering that I think my father is absolute scum, women that are not my mother that have been with him romantically are no better in my mind." replied the freaked out teen.

They then walk over to a group of ballerinas from the opera house. Jammes is the first one to confront him. "I know that they say that the lead dancer is always the best, but it's really the backup ones that can outshine her. I can demonstrate if you want!"

"No thank you. I've seen you practice, and there is definitely a reason why you are not the prima ballerina." replies Erik.

The next girl from the group to approach him is a nervous looking blonde. "I think that I could date you." stated the girl from nowhere. "I only date guys that I think are not as attractive as me. I have to date those kinds of boys or else I would never date." said the insecure girl.

"I think that I'm way less good looking than you are!" shouted Andre hopefully. Erik grabs his ear and drags him away from the group of ballerinas. He accidentally runs into Big Rhonda.

"Watch were you are going!" booms the huge girl. She then remembers what the purpose of the party is. "I mean, so sorry for running into you like that." apologized Big Rhonda awkwardly. She then catches sight of the sandwich in Erik's hand. "Are you going to finish that?" She starts licking her lips at the thought of the sandwich.

"Yes." replies Erik. He shoves the remainder of the sandwich into his mouth and swallows it before her eyes. "Now if you excuse me, I need to meet some more of these women."

When he turns around to run off, he is met by a fidgety blonde. "I have heard that you can be very angry and cannot control your emotions, but I think that we can still make a relationship work because my father and my boyfriend are in jail." stated the blonde. She starts winking at him suggestively.

"That is great to hear. Umm send my regards to them." replied Erik as he backed away.

He then sits down in his little corner to be alone when a cheerful red head approaches him. "Do you have any turn offs? Because I have plenty. Some of them include, people who scare other for the pure fun of it, people who go into violent mood swings, and people who do morphine or opium." She sees his look of disinterest as she lists her turn offs. "Or maybe it's guys who _don't_ do drugs? Or _do_ use drugs?" She tries to decipher his stoic face. "Wait, do you do drugs?"

He gets out of his seat and leaves his corner without answering her question. He tries to make his way back to Andre, but his path is blocked by hyper-active redhead. "Hey there Erik! I've heard so much about you! Guess which one of my legs is real!" challenged the perky girl.

"I would rather not." mumbles Erik. He pushes past her just to run into a petite little brunette. "Sorry." murmurs Erik. He then helps the girl to her feet.

The small girl stares at him in awe. "This is so awesome! I have always wanted to meet you because I have been horribly frightened at the mere mention of your name, and I really enjoy being scared." One of her eyes twitches unbeknownst to the girl.

"Good for you." replies Erik. "I need to go talk to my friend right now." He moves past the twitchy brunette and finally makes it to Andre without running into any more strange girls.

"So what do you think about all these girls so far, Erik?" asked Andre.

Erik gives Andre an exasperated look. "If I time it right, I think that I might be able to strangle everyone of these girls...**tonight**." stated the homicidal boy.

Andre stares at him in horror. "No, no, and **no**! You are supposed to choose one of these girls to **love** not to **murder**! Love, I say! **LOVE**!"

"Sure." replies Erik unconvincingly. He walks away from Andre.

"Listen to me Jack the Ripper," commanded Andre, "I threw this party together for you so that you could find one girl that you could be happy with! Did you hear that? Just one!"

The masked boy stares at him as he reveals the purpose of the party. "So this whole thing was just a ruse to match me up?"

"You got it. We thought that you could use some help in the love department-"

"What?" exclaimed the now outraged prodigy. "You people talk about me while I am not there! Well I am perfectly happy with my current status and do not desire your help." spat back Erik.

Andre narrows his eyes at the disfigured boy. "I slave away trying to convince all these girls to come. And for what? Nothing! Well if that is your attitude, then you can just leave."

Erik looks at him amusingly. "But Andre-"

"I said 'leave'." repeated Andre icily.

Erik merely shrugs his shoulders and leaves the party. As he is walking along the de Chagny's driveway, he sees two girls coming closer. As they come nearer, he identifies one of them as Antoinette. The girl by her side is a beautiful raven haired girl with mesmerizing emerald greeneyes. He is smitten by the latter's presence.

"Bonjour Erik." greeted Antoinette. She then pointed to the girl by her side. "This is Marietta. She just came to the opera house to train to be the leading soprano." explained the dancer. "Marietta, this is Erik. I figured that I might as well introduce you to him before you come to know him on a more frightening basis."

Marietta puts out a hand, and Erik grasps it and shakes it.

"Are you already leaving?" asked Antoinette.

"Me? No. I...just wanted...air...It's quite stuffy...in there." stammered the usually smooth talking boy. "The air out here...is much...nicer! Nice is what it is, I tell you. I like smelling how fresh air can be. What about you?" asked Erik to Marietta. He was still clutching on to her hand.

She smiles at him awkwardly. "Air is great. One of the key neccessities to life.Do you know what's even better? Water."

Erik finally releases her hand and starts laughing at her comment. "Good one! You are so...funny." He then starts nodding awkwardly at her.

Antoinette stares at Erik on account of his strange behavior. "Well enough with the small talk, we came here for a party ,and I think that we should go to it." With thatshe led Marietta towards the house.

Erik watches the pair go into the house. After a few moments he rushes in after them.

_A while later, Erik and Marietta are talking with each other._

Erik starts to walk off aways. "I think that I shall go and fetch a beverage."

Marietta smiles at him. "That is nice. You can go and get one for yourself as well."

Erik is thrown off by this comment. "But I was...That drink was...Would you like me to get you a drink?" asked the confused teen.

"That would be good. Thank you for the offer." She then smiles sweetly at him as he goes off to get her a drink.

He comes back shortly and offers it to her. "Are you enjoying yourself?"

She thinks over this question briefly. "Your question reminds me of something. I have to go now." She starts walking towards the exit.

Erik chases after her. "Marietta!" She whirls around at the mention of her name. "I was just wondering if you would like to do something during your break times at the opera house. I just happen to work there as well."

Marietta seems interested by this piece of information. "You do? What exactly do you do there?"

The little opera ghost is struck dumb by this question. "I guess you could say that I am sort of a...disaster preventer. At times, I am also a very valuable advice giver. I am also an excellent tutor!"

The singer in training looks at him skeptically. "Is that so? Because Antoinette told me that you run around the opera house causing havoc to the managers when they don't obey your commands, or as you put it, 'advice'."

Erik punches the air in defeat. "Dammit Antoinette!" mutters the boy quite audibly. He then looks at her with a more apologetic look on his face. "Let me rephrase that last question. Would you like to spend an evening together when I am not occupied with my ghostly duties?"

She gives him another smile. "Since you put it that way, I would love to. Come look for me during your spare time."

Erik tries his hardest to contain his laughter. "Moi search for you? I don'tthink so." He sees her start to frown and immediately changes his demeanor. "Great idea! I shall look for you!" He finally breathes easy when she takes leave of the party.

Antoinette, who had witnessed his nervousness throughout the entire evening that she had been there, approached him with a silly smile on her face. "_I will look for you. I will seek you out._ Completely **whipped**." commented the dancer cheerily.

The masked boy once again resumes his air of indifference. "Whipped? I was in no way behaving like a controlled moron. That Marietta girl means nothing to me!"

Antoinette is unconvinced. "You were as whipped as a slave that won't obey his master." countered the girl. She then makes mushy faces at him while he starts grimacing at how soft he was.


	16. Does This Bother You?

**A/N-**Sorry for taking another eternity to update. What can I say? I'm just one of the worst procrastinators ever.  
The first skit is Antoinette and co. while the second one is the normal group. Please don't kill me if I got the time frame of tenpins wrong. I also have to use the metric system since the story does take place in France.Kilograms are roughly twice as heavy as pounds. There is also some toilet humor ahead (well I'm not sure if it should exactly be labeled as potty humor, but just to be safe we'll call it that.).

**Disclaimer-**If I owned That 70's Show, then I would have killed off Randy by now. Is spontaneous combustion a plausible way to die? And if I owned Phantom then I doubt that I would be sitting here making up weird stories. But who knows what the wealthy do in the privacy of their homes.  
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_Philippe, Andre, Firmin, Erik and the Persian are all at the viscount's house. They are doing nothing special.Just sitting around._

Erik breaks the long, dull silence by clearing his throat. "Isn't it nice to just have an afternoon to ourselves? Do you hear that?" He then becomes still to listen to the silence.

Andre immediately becomes redfaced. "Sorry.That was me. I had some beans for lunch." He hangs his head in shame.

Erik shakes his head. "I said do you hear not do you smell. " He tries to pinch the bridge of his nose,but his mask gets in the way so he settles for holding his forehead. In a few seconds, he lifts his head again. "It is enlightening to not have either one of our female friends down here."

"Speak for yourself." says Philippe. "Sorelli's voice is permanently burned into my mind. I am never going to be able to hear the sound of silence! It just keeps going on and on and on! I wish that I could find some way to make it stop!"

This comment causes Erik to throw him an evil little smirk. "I think I know of a way that could cease her annoying yammerings from plaguing your mind." offers the boy genius.

The Persian looks at him in alarm. "Erik! This idea of yours better have nothing to do with wrapping catgut around his neck, bashing him over the head with some blunt or heavy object ,or giving him drugs that may alter his memory."

Erik's face immediatly falls at the revealing of his idea. "You always have to ruin my fun."

Firmin contemplates Erik's comment about women. "Erik is right. I remember those good times that we would have together when there were no women in our lives.Wonderful times those were." He leans back into his seat and smiles.

"Wonderful times!" shouts Andre. "More like, 'the-three-of-you-laughing-at-me-while-Erik-attempts-to-kill-me' times."

"As I said," repeats Firmin, "wonderful times. I think that we should go and do something ludicrous!" He puts his hand next to his ear as if he is trying to hear someone that is far away. "What was that? Did someone say...spy on the ballerinas while they change?"

Andre vigorously shakes his head. "No way in hell am I going to do it! You guys will just leave me there so that all of the ballerinas can squash me to a pulp!"

"For the first time I think that I agree with Andre." says Erik. "Anyways, what is the point of me doing something that I normally do every day?"

"Erik, I thought that you just scared them! I never thought that you would lower yourself to actually looking!" admonishes the Persian.

"Well what is the point of making all those secret passages if I can't use them for purposes which please me?" questions Erik.

"You know what we can do?" interrupts Philippe. "We could go and play a drunken round of tenpins! It always seems fun. The only downside is that we can't seem to remember how well we did the next day."

Andre jumps up excitedly. "You can count me in! I have heard that it is a proven fact that alcohol **improves** your game."

All of the guys start to move toward the door so that they can make their way to a tenpin alley. Just as the Persian is about to reach the door, he stops, and calls out Firmin's name. "Are you guys going to force me into playing with that silly pink ball again?" asks the foreigner.

"Why are you asking when you already know what the anser is?"

The Persian sighs in discontentment. "I have to use the pink ball until I am able to get Erik to scream like a little girl." states the teen in a dejected tone.

Firmin nods."Sorry my dark skinned friend, but those are the rules." He then pats the Persian on the back ,and they leave the house.

_At the tenpins ally all of the guys are gathered around Philippe._

"Men, here are the rules. If you knock down all ten pins, you drink a bottle of wine. If you miss all ten pins, you drink a bottle of wine. If you get 7 pins then...you drink 7 shots of whiskey. Get it? Got it? Good." He then nods to noone in particular.

"Hey fellows." calls out Firmin. They all turn to see him holding two of the balls at waist level. "I have five kilogram balls!"All the boy chuckle rather idiotically at this joke. "That joke never ceases to bring laughs!"

The Persian spots two balls and attempts to imitate the joke. "Look guy, my balls have holes in them." He beams proudly at his own joke.

Instead of laughter, he is greeted by an awkward silence.

Erik walks up to him and shakes his head slowly. "Nadir, that wasn't funny. It was just sad and disturbing."

The Persian hangs his head. "Why can't my balls ever be funny?"

All of the boys except Firmin take a seat. "This is the life." says Philippe. "No girls to ruin the evening. Just us men surrounded by alcohol. Nothing can ruin this evening."

Firmin ,meanwhile, had been in the process of releasing his ball when a young blonde girl comes over to him. She waves at him and gives him a seductive grin. "Bonjour monsieur."

"Bonjour mademoiselle." replies Firmin. He then takes her in his arms ,and they proceed to make out.

All of the boys stare at the couple in shock. "Amazing." blurts out Andre. "Getting with bowling wenches is so easy for him!"

After five minutes of the couple just making out, they finally break apart. "Evelyn, I am glad that you were able to come down tonight. Gentleman, this is Evelyn, the girl that I am currently seeing."

The Persian gets up and approaches them with a smile. "So this is the girl who keeps nagging you about marriage when really you just want to bed her!"

Evelyn is stricken dumb by this remark and looks at Firmin in horror.Firmin pulls back his arm and punches the Persian in the arm as hard as he can.

"Ow!" shouts the Persian as he falls back a few steps from the punch. He rubs the spot with his other arm and looks at the girl apologetically. "It was lovely to make your aquantince." says the foreigner in a broken voice.

"You as well." replies Evelyn slowly. She then looks around at all of the boys. "So who is going first?"

"Why me of course." answers Firmin. He then brings her close to him ,and they proceed to kiss again.

Andre looks on in envy as they really start to get passionate. "Can I be next?"

The viscount sighs and rises from his seat. He walks over to the couple and taps Firmin on the shoulder. "Firmin, could I talk to you in private for a moment?"

He pulls Firmin over to a little corner where the other boys soon follow. "What are you doing bringing that girl with you? This is supposed to be a night for just us men."

"Don't get so antsy Philippe. She is truly amazing. Once you get a few bottles of wine in her, she will be as loose as size 15 skirt is on a size 8 girl."

Erik shakes his head at Firmin. "This is a night for males only. I do not really wish to see you and your lover go at it all night long."

"Yes,out with the wench!" proclaims the Persian.

After this statement Evelyn walks up behind the boys. "Bonjour everyone! The next five rounds of wine are on me!" offers the young girl cheerily. She then walks away to purchase the wine.

Andre watches her departing figure. "The wench stays!" yells the teen excitedly.

Philippe sighs in agitation. "Fine. But she had better not interfere with our little outing!"

"What did I just tell you Philippe? She will fit in just fine." reassures Firmin.

_10 minutes later..._

Philippe raises his hands in victory. "Yes! That is another strike for me! Is there anything that can best guy's night out?"

"Being with a woman." answers Andre dejectedly.

The Vicomte whirls around to see what Andre is talking about and sees that everyone has their eyes transfixed upon Firmin and Evelyn. They have been entangled within each other's arms for the past ten minutes.

The Persian nods his head in agreement. "Precisely." He places his fingers in two balls and holds them up for everyone to see. "Look Vicomte, I have words on my balls!"

This statement causes everyone ,except the smooching couple, to stare at him awkwardly.

Erik gets up and starts dragging him towards the door. "I think that it is time that we headed home."

"Wait! My fingers are still stuck in my balls!" exclaims the Persian.

Erik immediately drops him at the mention of this phrase. "Ugh! You can get home by yourself!" He then sees Andre who is still hovering abit too closely to Firmin and Evelyn and grabs him instead. "Come Peeping Tom. We don't need for you tomake your hobby viewable."

Andre tries to resist but is no match for Erik so he grudingly gives in.

Philippe watches as they all leave. "Fine! Leave me if you must, but I am warning you that you shall miss the finest game of tenpins that Europe has ever seen!" He picks up a ball and throws it down the lane. It is another strike.He jumps up into the air! "Yes! I'm doing excellently! Andre was right, alcohol _does_ improve your game." He smiles at his accomplishment.He turns to look at the couple just to find that they are still going at it. "I've had enough of this." mutters the viscount to himself. He walks over to them and taps Evelyn on the shoulder. "Sorry to interrupt the moment, but Firmin, I think that it is time that we should take leave of this place."

Firmin glares at him. "Well I was thinking that we should stay here for a while longer."

Philippe chuckles at this statement. "I think that someone is forgetting who brought him here so if that someone doesn't want to find himself without a ride a home then I think that someone should come with me right now." counters the aristocrat.

Evelyn gets up. "I don't want to stay and see you two start fighting. Firmin, come over sometime." She blows him a kiss and leaves.

After she leaves Firmin gets up and confronts Philippe. "What on earth was that for? Is there something wrong with you?" demanded the young man.

Philippe gives him an astonished look. "Something wrong with me? You spent our male bonding evening making out with Mademoiselle Can't Find a Brassiere! You made me the third wheel ,and it made me feel very uncomfortable and out of place! I finally know how Erik feels out in public!"

"Who cares?" exclaims Firmin. He gestures at the door. "Evelyn's parents are out of town, and they have a really comfortable bed! But you killed that dream." He points a finger in the Vicomte's face. "I am going right now." He thenstarts to make his wayout of the building.

"Wait! You have no right to storm off! If anything it should be **me** who gets to storm off!" The aristocrat then goes into the opposite direction.He suddenly turns back and races past Firmin. "Wrong way out." is all he mutters before Firmin loses sight of him.

_Two days later, Philippe is still upset about the whole Evelyn thing. He goes into his kitchen one day to discover Firmin there._

"Firmin? Is it really you? I almost didn't know that it was you without Mademoiselle Skanky Skirts attached to your face." spat the aristiocrat.

"Are you still so hung up about her? Honestly, it's as if I was married." Firmin rolls his eyes.

"Don't flatter yourself. I would only marry someone who was nice to his friends." stated Philippe.

Firmin looks at him weirdly ,and Philippe pales at his mistake. "I meant _her_ friends! Okay! Her ,not his, her!" He glares at Firmin. "Just be quiet and listen. The point is-"

"I already know what the point is." interrupts Firmin.

"You do?"

"Yes. Evelyn said that she thinks you're creepy ,and I told her to deal with it since we've known each other forever. Then she left me." He casts his eyes to the floor in disappointment.

Philippe is at a loss for words. "...I'm...so sorry.How does 5 francs sound to you?" offers the Vicomte.

"Come on Philippe! I really liked this girl! 5 francs cannot replace the dear memories that we made together." replies the downtrodden youth.

The noble nods for awhile. "What about 15 francs?"

Firmin looks up, happy as ever. "Evelyn who?"

_That evening Philippe takes Firmin to the same tenpins alley where they see Evelyn._

"Evelyn, what are you doing here?" asks Firmin.

Philippe gives him a big smile. "I confess. It was I who have brought the two of you here. I asked for Evelyn to meet us here." He turns toward the blonde girl. "Evelyn, Firmin is one of my closest friends. That is no reason for you to stop seeing him."

Evelyn gives him a confused look. "What? **He** broke up with **me**. Not the other way around. He told me that he had to spend more time with you because of some brain disorder that makes you act like an idiot in front of women."

"Brain disorder? I don't have a brain disorder." said the viscount.

"He forgets that he has it." interrupts Firmin. "It is part of the disease." He starts moving his finger in a circular motion around his head.

Evelyn takes a few steps closer to Firmin. "Why did you lie to me?"

"Yes, and me." adds Philippe.

Firmin looks between the two of them and struggles with his words. "Well Evelyn, the thing is...you enjoy listening to music designed for the ears of three year olds. I cannot be with a girl that like listening to toddler tunes."

Philippe puts on a nasty smirk at this explanation. "Yeah! Take **that**!"

Firmin turns to face the viscount and folds his arms over his chest. "And **you** got all upset like a jealous wife when I was with her on guy's night. I don't think I would of heard a peep out of you if it had been **you** that Evelyn was with! So for pete's sake, go and find someone to make out with!"

The Vicomte scratches the back of his head. "You are right. I **do** need someone." He turns toward the girl and gives her a pleasant smile. "You know, Evelyn, I like toddler tunes."

She sighs in disgust. "Ugh! Both of you are stranger then the kid with the mask, the dark skinned boy, and that perv who kept checking me out while we were making out, combined!" She then storms off in a fit.

As soon as she leaves Erik, Andre, and the Persian come in and take a seat with Firmin and Philippe.

"What are you guys doing here?" questioned Philippe.

"There's no practice at the opera house ,therefore there are no ballerinas changing." answered Andre. He see two balls that are next to him,picks them up, stands, and says, "Look, I have five kilogram balls!"

All of the boys burst into laughter. The Persian, amidst his laughs, spots a blue ball and a black ball. "Gentleman, my balls are black and blue."

This statement causes the laughter to increase.

"That was great!" compliments Andre.

"Good one." says Firmin.

"You actually got it." comments Erik with approval in his voice.

The Persian smiles at all of their compliments."My balls are finally funny!"  
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**A/N-**While a bit of this did happen in That 70's Show, I mostly attribute this idea to Grace who was bothering Fram during Geometry class.Then she found out that I write this story and bothered me to put it up. So here it is. Are you happy Grace?

_Raoul, Erik, and Meg are in Erik's house.Raoul is holding his finger irritatingly close to Erik's eye._

"Does this bother you?" asks Raoul.

"Yes." responds Erik through gritted teeth. "And I would prefer that you would cease **this instance**."

"But why? I am not really doing anything." replies Raoul.

"Well you are annoying me ,and that is reason enough for you to stop." responds the Phantom.

"Are you sure that you want me to stop?" persists the viscount.

"YES!" yells the angry Erik.

The noble shrugs his shoulders. "If you say so." He then pokes Erik in the eye.

"Ack!" The Phantom reaches for the eye that has been poked and tries to give Raoul a murderous glare with his other eye.

Meg giggles at the sight of Erik attempting to give a death glare with one eye. "Wasn't it so much better when he was not touching you?"

"Yes." admits the Phantom grudingly. He looks at Raoul who is still laughing. "But he's going to like it much better when I did not have my hands wrapped around his throat!" With that he leaps unto the suprised aristocrat and proceeds to throttle the younger man.  
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	17. Ugly Secrets

**A/N-**Sorry for the super long gap in updating. I just got really busy in softball.  
Well here is another segment to my little tale. The two skits that are about to be read are both Antoinette and co. Slight references to _The Count of Monte Cristo _and _Les Miserables _neither of which I own. By the way, I'm not a Giry/Erik shipper. Evelyn ,from the last chapter, is going to make a slight appearance.

**Disclaimer-**Do you think a dead French guy could use the computer? If you said no, then you know that this story is in no way mine. If you said yes, then I am at a complete loss for words. I also don't own Big Rhonda since she's a part of That '70s Show.  
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_Philippe, Andre, Firmin, Erik, Antoinette, and Sorelli are spending their Halloween evening in an abandoned school that burned down a few years ago. _

The boys stand in one of the classrooms and just stare at each other. The silence is finally broken by Erik. "Why in the world are we here?"

"Because," answered Philippe, "there was nothing else interesting to do tonight so we thought that we could get a good scare out of revisiting this place."

"I'm not so sure why you're here than, Philippe." stated Erik. "Weren't you taught by tutors for most of your life?"

"Yes. But that was only for my later teen years. For my earlier years, my father wanted me to mingle with middle class." declared the teen proudly.

"With an attitude like that it is a wonder that you ever survived coming to school with normal people." commented Firmin who rolls his eyes at Philippe.

Andre starts to head towards the door. "Well as it appears that there is nothing here that can scare us, I suggest that we leave right now." suggested the youth.

"Wait!" commands a voice from another room. All of the boys turn to see Sorelli and Antoinette coming into the room holding several burnt looking folders. Antoinette goes on, "We found something that might frighten us a bit."

"Yes," adds Sorelli, "they were in the headmaster's office."

Firmin stares at the folders and his eyes widen in shock as he realizes what they are. "Good Lord. Those are our..our.."

Antoinette nods her head gravely. "I am afraid that they are." She throws the folders down unto a nearby desk. "Behold our school records."

The group gathers around the records and goes through them. "I cannot believe that you found our school records!" exclaims Andre in shock. He sifts through the files. "I bet that they left them here after the fire."

Everyone ignores this comment as they keep going through the folders. Suddenly, Firmin holds up a file. "I found Antoinette's file!" He opens it and starts to read through it. "Well,well, well. It appears that _someone_ here had problems keeping their clothes on in the first grade!"

Antoinette becomes red faced. "What! Let me see that." She grabs the file and skims through it. "That was just a silly phase that I went through. " dismissed the ballerina with a wave of her hand.

"I wish that it could continue." mutters Andre.

Antoinette turns to face him. "What did you say?"

"I said...I said...I found Firmin's file!" lied Andre who had fortunately actually found Firmin's file. He starts to read from it out loud. " 'I fear that despite Richard's brilliant mind, he is a born rebel rouser. He is destined to be the smartest man..' " Firmin smiles at this comment. " 'In his prison house.' "

The smile is immediately wiped from Firmin's face ,and he grabs at the folder. "What! How could they possible determine that in the second grade?" He scans the folder and starts to read from where Andre left off. " 'Richard purposely and hatefully destroyedAlbert Morcerf's model of the earth and showed no remorse for his actions.' " He stares at the paper in a stunned manner.

Erik claps him on the back. "I never knew that you had such a mean streak within you! Neither did I know that you actually had the potential to be intelligent. We have much in common."

Firmin gives him a weird look and slowly moves away from the masked boy. "As much as I feel honored by that comparison," lies Firmin, "I didn't destroy anything." He looks back at the burnt folder.

Philippe starts chuckling weakly. "Do you know what's funny Firmin?" He stops chuckling and becomes serious faced. "I broke Albert's model." He starts to scratch the back of his head.

This confession causes Firmin to tear his eyes from the folder and stare at the noble in shock. "It was you?" A bolt of lightning conveniently follows this accusation followed by a clap of thunder.

The young aristocrat looks strange in the lightning as it illuminates half of his face leaving the other half to look very sinister. "Yes. I had to eliminate his becasue it was better than mine. He actually bothered to paint his." A hint of bitterness can be heard in his voice as he says this.

Firmin steps towards Philippe and points his finger at him. "That was when my life was changed ,and everyone turned against me! I was labeled as a problem child and once that happens it's stuck with you forever! You ruined my life just like you ruined Albert's project!"

Sorelli steps in front of Philippe. "Now listen here Firmin. Philippe didn't ruin your life. No offense, but with a crazy mother, absent father, and poor upbringing, you are bound to end up either in prison or a dead end job." Firmin glares at her ,and she rolls her eyes at him. "I said not to take any offense."

"Sure. Let us take a look at what your file says about you, Sorelli." Firmin steps toward the desk and picks upher record.

The dancer turns her head dismissively away from him. "Read away. I am a model student."

"Than I suggest that you step away from Philippe before he can destroy you." jokes Erik.

Firmin starts snickering. "Who wants to know what Sorelli's middle name is?" Sorelli's eyes widen in horror ,and she lets out a blood curdling scream. He smirks evilly at her. "Sorelli's middle name is-"

"**NOOOOOO!**" shouts Sorelli. She then throws herself at him and attempts to strangle him. After the attempted strangling she then tries to pumel him into the earth with her fists. She than finishes him off with a few kicks to to the shins. "I **DESPISE** YOU!" spits the dancer.

Everyone stares at Firmin's seemingly lifeless body for what seems like an eternity. Than with a groan he sits up with that same smirk on his face. "It's Gulnare!"

Sorelli lowers her head in shame and goes to sit in a corner. Andre walks over to her in an attempt to comfort her. "It's alright Guln-I mean umm Sorelli." He backs away from her as she shoots a murderous glare at him. Antoinette shakes her head at his slip up. As Andre is about to lean against the wall once more he starts to pat his pockets frantically. "Who took my last chocolate?" asks the teen worriedly. He then bends down and picks something up. "Never mind. It was on the floor." He unwraps the sweet and pops it into his mouth.

Firmin, who started to glare at Philippe after he revealed Sorelli's name, smiles bitterly. "Andre, you didn't give de Chagny enough time to blame it on me."

"I didn't blame anything on you! She naturally assumed it to be you." declared Philippe.

"Didn't blame it on me? While Madame Noirtier was lecturing me in front of the entire class, you didn't exactly take responsibility for your actions. What was going on in that coniving little mind of yours?" questions Firmin.

Philippe puts ona mock serious face. "I guess I was thinking, 'I am only **six**!' "

Andre steps between the two before a fight can break out. "Stop it gentlemen! It is All Hallow's Eve for goodness sake! This is a time for tranquility and good intentions towards the human race!"

"I thought that it wasa time of vandalism and sorcery." comments Erik.

"Well that comes after the good stuff." states Andre. "How about we read another file?"

"Great. Because that seems to be really working out." says Antoinette sarcastically.

"I will read from my own." offers Andre. He picks up his folder and starts to skim through it. He smiles as he finds something. "Here is something that noone here knows about since I did it the year before I moved here. In the first grade I would a wear a black cape to school everyday and scare people for no good reason." He smiles at his confession.

Erik snorts at this. "You must have looked ridiculous."

Firmin nods his head in agreement until a thought hits him. "Did you say the first grade?"

Andre nods his head in mute agreement.

"That can't be right. **We** were in the first grade together when you moved here. It is how we met." states Firmin.

"Are you sure about that?" asks Andre nervously as he clutches his folder tightly to his chest.

Firmin goes and wrestles the folder from his clutches while Philippe restrains Andre from getting it back. Firmin reads it and looks up in shock. "You had to repeat the first grade!"

"Is that true Andre?" asks Antoinette inquisitively.

Andre stops resisting ,and Philippe lets go of him so that he may face him. Andre lowers his head in shame. "It was the cursive writing." mumbles the sad youth. He lifts his head ,and everyone sees that he is a bit misty eyed. "All those loops and curves confused me! I refused to do them!" He wipes his eyes, stands up a bit straighter, and holds his head up high.

"More like you _couldn't _do it." mutters Erik rather loudly.

This comment deflates Andre's little moment of pride. "No, I **wouldn't **do it!" states the teen rather defensively. "So that is why they held me back. Plus, I also might have been responsible for the death of our class pet." He starts to bang his head against the wall. "WHY! I thought that a turtle's shell could protect it from anything!" He starts to sob into his arms.

Antoinette and Erik slowly approach him. Antoinette places an arm on his shoulder. "There, there, Andre. Just let it all out."

Erik reluctantly pats him on the back. "What she said."

Andre sniffles as the sobs subside. "It was just horrible. Living a lie ,where I had to act a year younger then I really am."

This fact causes Firmin's eyes to open to a slit. "Wait a minute. You are a year older than us?"

Andre nods. "That is why I have always seemed more mature than the rest of you." states Andre a bit stupidly.

"Are you telling me that you could have been purchasing us certain beverages and items of interest without any legal complications!" yells Firmin.

Erik immediately steps away from Andre. "You fiend." accuses the masked boy.

Andre looks at them all in shock. "What-NO! It's not as it appears!"

Firmin turns his back on him. "I do not wish to hear it.From this point on, you are dead to me."

"Philippe ruined your life!" reminded Andre.

"And if I had certain items with me then I wouldn't even care! I like that liberating feeling!" shouted Firmin.

Everyone starts to advance toward Andre with a menacing look on their faces. "Liberating feeling!" says the group in perfect unison.

Before anyone can touch him, Sorelli shields him. "Just leave him alone! Even though he is a liar, that is nothing compared to the traitor that Philippe is."

Antoinette attempts to push Sorelli out of the way. "Stay out of this Gulnare."

Sorelli looks at her fellow dancer in disgust. "Don't you **dare** call me that again!"

"I will try to keep that in mind,Gulnare." replies Antoinette with a smirk on her face.

Sorelli's eyes narrow. "So you want to play dirty do you? Guess what everyone! Antoinette moans Erik's name in the middle of the night!"

"What?" exclaim all of the boys in unison. Erik becomes very red faced.

Antoinette goes pale. "That..that's untrue!"

"It sort of is." said Sorelli. "It's more of a lustful groan then a moan."

"That's even worse!" cried Philippe. He turns to Firmin. "I blame this on you! Erik does seem a whole lot like you ,and you probably somehow helped him!"

"Maybe I am just a born trouble maker. Or you turned me into one." counters Firmin.

Antoinette turns on Sorelli. "You had better start running Gulnare." threatens the taller of the two ballerinas.

Andre comes between the two girls. "Leave Sorelli alone."

Antoinette folds her arms and looks at Andre critically. "Oh yeah, Sorelli spread this rumor amongst the ballerinas that you are anatomically deficient."

Andre lets loose a girly scream at Sorelli.

Philippe grabs Antoinette's arm before she can attack Sorelli. "When were you going to tell me about your little sleep talking thing?"

"Why do you need to know? It is not as if we are together." inquired the dancer suspiciously.

"Now you have tasted the bitterness of knowing that your friend is a back stabber." said Firmin smugly to Philippe.

"I don't think I would know what that feels like seeing as I have **no friends**!" yells Philippe.

The room is soon filled with shouting as everyone argues with one another. Erik ,who tried to cover his ears with his hands, held up his arms and shouted, "SILENCE!" Everyone fell silent. '_It sure does pay to have a supernatural voice._' thought Erik. "Now that I have gained your attention, can't you see the truth? It is those files thathave driven a wedge between each of us!" points out the genius.

"Masked boy is right." admits Andre.

Firmin hangs his head in shame. "Look what we have turned into."

"We became vicious creatures tearing at one another's throats." said Antoinette sadly.

Andre points a shaky finger at the folders. "Those files are pure evil."

"We need to destroy them!" exclaimed a bright eyed Sorelli.

Philippe nods in agreement. "Correct, Sorelli, but how?"

"I think I have an idea as to how we can destroy them." offered Erik.

_Flash to the gang standing around a hole. Rain is coming down hard around them ,and the wind whips at their faces. A wolf howls in the distance._

Sorelli shivers and clutches on to Philippe. "Philippe, this is dumb! I am cold ,and it is a bit unnerving out here. Why can't we just burn them?"

Andre faces the dancer. "They have already survived one fire, Sorelli. They can't be destroyed that way."

Firmin holds up all of their records. "See you in hell ,school records!" He drops them into the hole.

"I don't think that even the eternal fires of hell can destory those things." comments Andre.

Philippe looks around at the group. "We must also swear never to tell the secrets we learned of the records in hell."

Everyone nods in agreement. "Except the part about Andre being able to buy us things that put us in a more enlightened state." adds Antoinette nonchalantly.

"Of course. That is a given." Andre looks at him in shock. "But otherwise this night never happened. Agreed?"

"Agreed." echoes the group.

Firmin smirks evilly. "Gulnare."

Sorelli lets out a maniacal scream and pushes him into the hole.  
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_Sorelli walks into Philippe's house to find Big Rhonda in his living room eating a box of chocolates._

Rhonda waves at the ballerina. "Bonjour there marmot gate." (1)

Sorelli ignores the insult and continues to stare at Rhonda. "What are **you** doing here?" asked the dancer quite rudely.

"I am just waiting for Andre so that I can feed him the leftover chocolates. He better hurry though or else I'll eat them all!" She continues to chow down on the chocolates.

Sorelli gives her an understanding look. "I know what you mean. Philippe never tells me where he is going! That is just one thing that I absolutely detest about him. Well besides the arrogant behaviour and looks of longing that he directs toward Antoinette." She sits down in a huff next to Rhonda.

"Andre and Philippe are on their way back from horse riding." supplies Rhonda. She blows on her fingernails, rubs them against her skirt, and examines them. "Andre and I are going to _make out_." She than spots something on her blouse and tries to wipe it away. Unfortunately she has a chocolate in her hand while trying to do so ,which only makes the stain worse.

The ballerina stares at her in amazement. "How did you know about there wherabouts?"

Just as she asks this question ,a dissheveled looking Andre and Philippe come into the room. They look very happy and are joking around and hitting each other playfully. Andre's smile gets wider as he sees Big Rhonda. "Hello darling. Why don't we get down to business and do that thing I promised you, right now." He arches his eyebrows suggestively.

Sorelli jumps up from her seat and stomps towards Philippe. "Why is **she** in the loop? Why am **I** excluded from the loop?" asked the girl angrily.

Philippe looks at her in a confused manner. "Loop? What loop?" He looks past Sorelli to watch Rhonda feed Andre some of the chocolates. "If there is a loop dear, and she is in it, than I doubt that you will fit." reassures the viscount.

The ballerina narrows her eyes at him. "Well until you will admit that there is a loop ,than you can say goodbye to me blessing you with my presence!" With that threat, she storms out of his home leaving behind a confused and saddened Philippe.

Andre laughs at her departure. "Did you luck out or what!"

_A day later Firmin, Andre, Philippe, and Evelyn are sitting in a circle at the opera house. They have been enlightened by some green grass._

Andre looks over at Philippe in a goofy manner. "You know Vicomte, I don't know why you just don't tell Sorelli where you are. So that if she has the sudden urge to smother you with her affectionate love, she can find you quick and easily!" The teen suddenly gets a look of longing on his face. "Boy do I feel the need to be with Rhonda right now."

Philippe shakes his head at Andre. "You do not understand. If I tell her where I will be than I will lose my freedom! I have no desire to be kept on a leash. That is why the basis of every good relationship is only three words. I don't know. Where are you going? I don't know. What are you thinking about? I don't know. Who is that underneath you? I don't know!" He shakes his head vigorously to demonstrate. "It is fool proof! It can never fail." He looks at around at the other boys smugly.

Evelyn stares at the noble in disgust. "Firmin, why are friends with these morons?"

Firmin looks over at Philippe and simply shrugs. "I don't know." He then leans forward and starts to kiss Evelyn. She gives in ,and they sit in their seats and kiss.

The moment is broken up by Erik who approaches them from behind. "What is going on here? Why is that little catin in my seat?" (2)

Firmin stares at him with vacant eyes and shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know." He then starts laughing. "Best advice you have ever given Philippe."

Evelyn looks at Erik with disinterest while adjusting her very low cut dress. "Just calm down there little masked man. You will not die if you just take a seat on the floor." She gestures for him to sit on the dirty bare floor.

Erik gets upset by this suggestion. "Me sit on the floor? **Visitors** sit on the floor. **I** am not a visitor unlike you ,little Miss Shows Off Everything God Gave Her! By the way, why are you dressed like that? It is the middle of winter!"

She merely rolls her eyes at him. "You just killed the mood." She gets up and blows a kiss at Firmin. "See you later."

After she has left, Erik sits in the chair that had been previously occupied by her. "Well adieu to you!" He turns his attention to Firmin. "I thought that you broke off all relations with her. Why was she just here?" A thought suddenly hits him. "Did she finally give it up?"

Firmin shifts his eyes around the room nervously. "Ummmm I don't know!" He than gets up from his seat and leaves in a hurry.

_The next day Sorelli goes over to Philippe's house to apologize._

"Philippe! Where are you? I just wanted to come back to say that I am-" she stops short as she enters the living room. Rhonda is sitting next to Andre while Philippe is sitting across from them. They are enjoying a game of backgammon. "Rhonda, how did you get in here?" asks the dancer suspiciously.

Rhonda looks up from their game to answer the ballerina. "I used my key of course." She than lifts her arm and shakes it to show off the key that is hanging from a string around her wrist.

The ballerina places her hands on her hips and faces the aristocrat. "Philippe, why does **she** have a key while **I** must knock on the door and have my presence announced?"

"It certainly isn't so that we can be warned of your coming if that is what you were wondering." answers Philippe nervously. Sorelli raises her eyebrows critically to this anser.

Rhonda waves her hand dismissively at Sorelli. "Do not fear petite frire.(3) It does not matter whether you have a key or not ,just as long as you are included in the group."

This comment almost causes Sorelli's eyebrows to disappear into her hairline. "Excuse me, but did you just say that you were 'included in the group'? It took me an **eternity **of back bending and butt kissing to be a part of this group."

Andre looks at her nervously. "That was your attempt at being _nice_? Mon Dieu, you were being _nice_?" He starts shaking as he thinks of what Sorelli is like when she is mean.

The dancer ignores Andre's comment and keeps on looking at Rhonda in disdain. "All I know is that **you** are not apart of **this** group."

Rhonda is offended by this. She gets up and advances toward the smaller girl who backs away from her. "Is that so, princesse? How about you and I wrestle over this? If I win than I am in. We go on the street, using anything to our advantage. The winner is the one who can draw first blood." She puts up her fists already eager to start the fight now. Sorellibacks into a wall and gulps nervously in the face of Rhonda, who has a good six inches on her.

Sorelli shields herself with her arms and cries out, "Okay! I give in! You can be in the group."

Rhonda jumps up and down excitedly all while clapping her hands. She does a little happy dance. "Yes! I have been accepted!"

Philippegets up slowly from the couch. "That is nice ,but Sorelli did insult you. I think that you need to take your honor into account."

Andregets the hint and also gets up with a wolfish grin on his face. "Andre is right Rhonda. Sorelli wronged you ,and I think some good old fashioned girl on girl mud wrestling would settle your problems. Starting...NOW!" He waves his hands eagerly up and down.

"You cochons!"(4) yell the girls in unison. They nod in approval at the other thinking the same thing.

"Get out right now!" demands Sorelli.

"But it is my house." counters Philippe.

"You heard her. She said, 'Get out.' " repeats Rhonda. She goes toward Philippe and faces him. Unfortunately for the noble, she happens to be two inches taller.

Philippe gulps nervously. "Okay. Andre let us be on our way." They then take leave of Philippe's house very quickly.

Andre shakes his head in disappointment. "Can you believe them? We try to encourage one little innocent dirty wrestling match, than suddenly we are considered pigs."  
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(1) marmot gate-spoiled brat (2)catin-harlot (3)petite frire-small fry (4)cochons-pigs


	18. The Last Time

**A/N-** Here is another installment of my strange tale that has no real plot line. I'm just happy as long as people seemingly read this story. Well this chapter is for **Denekrad** ,who asked me for this type of pairing so I'm giving it to her.  
This first skit skit will be the normal group. I tried to keep Erik and Christine in character ,but as most humor phics go, you find that pretty difficult. I think thatI accidentally turned Christine into a dominant female coughplayboycough type.At least I can say that I tried.Raoul's probably going to seem strange ,so I'm just going to say that being drugged left a lasting affect on him throughout this chapter. That's why you shouldn't do drugs kids! That's my little public service announcement.

**Disclaimer-**I own neither That '70s Show or Phantom of the Opera. If I did, then I would have written a sequel to Phantom and invent a season nine of That '70s Show were Jackie and Hyde are together, we find out what country Fez is from, Donna is a redhead and is back with Eric, Kelso is back to his womanizing ways, and Bob doesn't move to Florida. I'd also have to twist the space time continium in order to keep it in the '70s since the show ended on January 1,1980. But I'm not God so I can't do that. Basically I own nothing which could give me a comfortable lifestyle.  
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_Erik drags Raoul's unconscious body into the Communist's dungeon and 'comfortably' chains him up. He is about to leave when the viscount wakes up._

"Where am I?" asks the young man groggily.

Erik turns around to face him and has a bit of a smirk on his face. "You, my dear boy, are in the finest accomodations that one can afford for a prisoner such as yourself." He makes his way to the door again."Now if you would excuse me, I am about to make my way back to Christine."

"Christine?" repeats the viscount.

"Yes, Christine," replies Erik. He then stares at Raoul for awhile before adding with a hint of pleasure, "My wife."

The Vicomte's head jerks up at the word. "Wife?"

The Phantom rolls his eyes and smacks his head. "Yes, my wife!" He makes his way to the door once more. "I have no desire to spend the rest of my days explaining things to you while you just repeat them stupidly, so good day to you Monsieur." He waves mockingly at the prisoner before closing the door and leaving a confused Raoul to contemplate his fate in the dreary dungeon.

_A few hours after the kiss on the forehead and mingling of the tears scene, Christine is sitting in submissive silence while Erik just stares at her in awe._

Erik eventually shuffles up to her slowly. "I have decided to let you go. You can be with that boy at the end of the week," announced the man with a hint of sorrow in his voice.

Christine looks up at him in suprise and gives him a small grin. "Thank you," whispers the girl. She gets up to walk to her room then turns around and hugs Erik awkwardly. This action further stuns Erik into a deeper silence. She blushes and goes to her room to start packing.

_The next day Christine is sitting in the living room doing needle point ,and Erik is watching her again._

The soprano looks up from her needlework with a puzzled look on her face. "Erik, at first when you said that I could go at the end of the week, it filled me with a wondrous joy.But as I start to think about the fact that I will leave you, it saddens me." She looks down at the floor with a frown on her face. She lifts her head ,and the masked man sees that a tear is trickling down her cheek. "The more that this sadness fills me, the more that I feel the urge to spend every moment that I can with you."

"Well I can assure you that you are doing a fine job with that," reassures Erik with a smile. He is than thrown completely unawares when Christine jumps on top of him and pins him to the couch. "Wh..wh..what are you doing!" asks the astonished Phantom.

The young girl's once sorrowful expression has now turned to one of excitement. "I am spending my time getting closer to you!"

"Th..th..this is completely im..impulsive of y..y..you," stammers Erik nervously.

Christine rips off his mask and instead of cringing in horror like she used to, a lustful look comes into her eyes. "Why are you still yammering on?"

Erik just stares at her dumbfoundedly. "I...I...I...I.."

The singer silences him by kissing him on the mouth very forcibly.

_The next day,Erik is in Raoul's cell because you have to feed your hostages._

"It was so peculiar," mused Erik aloud. "There she was crying one moment ,and the next she could not keep her hands off of me!" He starts to think about what he and Christine shared earlier. "Maybe when she is in a state of sadness, she wants to replace that sadness with human contact." Erik lapses into another state of meditation.

Raoul lifts his head up at his captor. "So the secret to being intimate with a woman is to make her sad first?" The young man suddenly bursts into a fit of laugher. "I guess you could pass that little secret on to that Persian friend of yours. I have seen how he stares at my sister. Maybe it would help that you will be ending my pathetic little existence so that he can be with Marie. All he would have to do is say, 'I am deeply sorry Mademoiselle, but your dear brother has now left this earth.' Then 'BAM!' she would be his." Raoul stops laughing and puts on a sad face. "Come to think of it, there is not much to getting my sister. Most of her suitors just say, 'Bonjour Mademoiselle-' ,and that usually gets the job done. Once, someone just had to say, 'Bon-' ,and that was enough." The Vicome shakes his head in a pitiful manner.

Erik stares at the young man and shakes his head in sympathy. He then realizes that he is sympathizing with his rival and shudders. "As interesting as this conversation is going, you are starting to depress me. So au revoir, dear Vicomte." With that, Erik leaves Raoul to think about his not so honorable sister.

He no sooner closes the door and locks it when he turns around and is suprised by Christine. "Did you follow me here?"

The singer nods in response to the question. "I just realized that this could be the last time that I hear you speak of Raoul condescendingly. It dawned upon me that I will actually miss that! I will of course miss you as well." She looks at him with a sadness in her eyes.

From the door they hear Raoul shout, "Well I will certainly not miss these _wonderful_ accommodations and your mind tricks!"

Erik gestures at the door. "And _that_ may be the last time that I will get to hear that boy complain about me."

Christine nods her head affirmitively. "Oui." She suddenly shoves him down on the floor ,and they proceed to make out on the cold cobblestones.

_The next day Erik is yelling at Christine for insisting on looking at Don Juan_.

Christine hangs her head in shame when Erik is done yelling at her.

The Phantom continues tostare at her inseriousness and then smiles mischievously. "Did it just occur to you that this may be the last time that I ever chastise you for trying to sneak a peek at my life's work?"

Christine lifts her head and gives him a suprised look. She then shakes her head negatively, throws off all the items that are on a nearby table ,and pounces on top of Erik and unto the table.

_The next day Christine walks into Erik's music room as he is sitting by the organ._

Erik sees his bride from the corner of his eye and smiles to himself. He suddenly releases a pained sigh.

Christine turns to him and walks up to the Phantom with concern on her face. "What is wrong?"

Erik hangs his head. "Nothing important. Except that this may be the last time that you see me by my organ. Were you aware of the fact that I tune it all by myself?"

Christine's eye twitches ,and she shoves him against the organ as she kisses him profusely on the neck causing the organ to make not so melodious sounds.

_The next day Christine is in her room when Erik comes in with a hairbrush in his hands._

Erik presents the hairbrush to the young girl. "Here is your brush." He looks at her with misted eyes. "This may be the last time that I bring you your hairbrush," points out the older man.

Christine takes the brush out of his hands and turns it over several times. She looks up at him with a smile on her face. "This is not my hairbrush, Erik."

Erik simply shrugs and says, "Then I guess it will be the last time that I bring you the wrong hairbrush."

The soprano laughs at the mistake before viciously throwing Erik on to the bed and making out with him.

_It is now the end of the week. Erik is sadly bringing Raoul (who has been drugged yet again) out from the dungeons and to Christine._

Erik sets Raoul down on the couch and looks at Christine mournfully. "You do realize that this will be the final time that I ever bring you your lover back safely?"

Christine gives him a small smile. "Erik, this past week has been wonderful. I just want to thank you for comforting me." She places a hand on his shoulder and continues to smile at him. "There is one thing that I noticed though," comments the young girl. "While I did enjoy all the times that you comforted me in my sorrow," she smiles at the thought of those times,"there were times when you seemed to purposely depress me."

Erik looks around nervously trying to avoid her curious gaze. "That was because it was such a sad thing to think about! You sound very distressed right now,and I think I know how to get rid of that." He then shoves Raoul's body off the couch and gestures towards it.

Christine just stares at him in shock. "Are you saying that all of this 'last time' business has just been a ploy to get into my dress?" cries the dancer.

"You started it!" points out Erik.

The soprano just shakes her head at him. "You should have known better." She turns on her heel and goes into the opposite direction.Erik sinks on to the couch and starts to feel real depression when Christine reenters the room with a look of pure joy on her face. "That may be the final time that we argue over you trying to trick me!" She then pushes him down into the couch and starts the makeout session.

_Three weeks later, after Christine and Raoul have left Erik's lair and are living a quiet existence together, Raoul is reading the Epoque aloud to Christine._

"Christine," begins the young man, "you should see this one obituary. It is so strange. It reads, 'Erik is dead...This may be the last time that you ever see this.' What a weird way to word an obituary." He looks up from the paper and is suprised by the sudden disappearance of Christine.  
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**A/N**-Yeah, so I think that this is my shortest chapter yet ,but I just couldn't think of what to do for a second one. I hoped that I didn't make Christine seem too skanky. If I did, then well I am human ,and what do you expect?


	19. Job Interviews

**A/N**-Hey there my few and precious readers.You would think that in the summer, I would have updated. Well,whenever summer rolls around my mind kicks into super lazy mode. Sadly, you guys suffer this. Even worse, school has started ,and the homework load is seriously heavy. I'll try my best though to update. Sorry about that.Here is another chapter to my 'story'. Hope you find them enjoyable. It is Antoinette and co. ,and for the man that is interviewing them I was picturing Jason Alexander as George from 'Seinfeld'. I also have no idea who hires you to be a stagehand. I tried to look it up ,and I kept getting some information about unions being formed in the early 20th century. So I really just had to wing it. 

There's also a Clerks reference. If anyone can find it, then maybe it will make me happy enough to get my lazy hads to type faster. I can't guarantee it, but it will make me happy if someone can find it.

**Disclaimer**-My name is not Gaston Leroux, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Bonnie Turner, Terry Turner, or Mark Brazil, so I have no chances of owning the things they've made.

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_The guys are hanging out backstage at the opera house.They have hit a patch of silence in their conversation when Andre suddenly asks them something._

"Would your view of me lower if I worked in the scrap metal business?"

Firmin stares at him for awhile before responding. "The junk business? Yes, my view of you would somewhat lower. But if it was the rubbish business then maybe you might be seen higher in my eyes." The last phrase was said with much sarcasm.

Philippe chuckles at Firmin's response before asking, "Why are inquiring about work? Are you having a financial problem."

"Yes," interrupts Firmin. "Why do you need to work? Especially when we have Philippe here to help us along."

The viscount glares at his friend. "Maybe he would like to learn financial independence instead of leeching off of his friends."

Firmin simply shrugs at this obvious hint. "Good for him then. Leaves more for me." He then smiles absently into space thinking about the extra money possibly coming his way.

"It is just that," begins Andre, "I need something more to occupy myself with! I cannot spend all day in my room, and as great as it is to just do nothing with you guys, it can be a little boring."

"You just do not want to be the dummy in our little experiments," replies Erik. "Face it. Whenever we have some crazy scheme, you always seem to be the only one that gets harmed."

Andre nods at this statement. "That too. And I guess I do need some more money to come my way faster." He sighs. "Everything just costs money nowadays. "Transportation, activities...enjoying yourself."

"Do not forget women," reminds Philippe. "They can cost quite a handful."

Erik gives a bit of a puzzled look at this. "I thought that only ladies of the night cost money?"

The Persian shakes his head at Erik's question. "No, Erik. That is only prostitution."

Firmin smirks at this correction. "It does not matter if it is a lady of the morning, noon, evening, or night. You still have to spend your money on the lady ,and in most cases you do not get what you pay for." He raises his eyebrows suggestively.

Philippe gives him a strange look. "This coming from the man who somehow gets with women, despite having any money of his own."

"It is advice for all of you, excluding me." The teenager smiles at his fellow companions.

Andre shakes his head in frustration. "How am I supposed to obtain these ladies if I have no money?" asks the youth sadly.

"Is that not why you were searching for a job?" asks Erik with confusion apparent on his face.

Andre's expression brightens up at this question. "Oh yes! Thanks Erik."

All of his friends just roll their eyes at him. "So where do you plan on finding employment?" inquires the Persian.

"I am not too sure. Maybe at a chocolate factory! Then I could have all the chocolate that I desire." Andre gets a far off look in his eyes and drool comes out of one side of his mouth.

"If you react like that when you apply, you will never get the job," points out Philippe. "Why do you not just try to get a job around here? I mean you hang around here everyday, and I am sure that you could increase your chances of peeping on those ballerinas."

He shakes his head dismissively. "No. If you work at places that you frequent for fun than they will no longer be fun! Unless your like Erik, who likes to work where he lives and hangs out with friends.And who also seems to thoroughly enjoy it." He brings a hand up to his chin and strokes it thoughtfully. "How much do you get paid, Erik?"

Erik throws dirty looks at him while he speaks and when asked, mumbles something that closely resembles 'none of your business'.

Philippe places a hand on Andre's shoulder and looks at him reassuringly. "Just get a job here."

The Persian nods in agreement. "Yes, we will all even apply with you," offers the dark skinned teenager.

Andre smiles at this nice gesture. "Tha-"

"Why do bwe/b have to go?" asks Philippe suddenly in a whiny tone. "My family supports this opera house. I do not need to get support from it."

The Persian sighs in agitation. "Fine do not come with us." He turns his head away from the viscount. "I doubt that you could obtain the job even if you truly wanted it."

On hearing this, the Vicomte becomes livid and comes closer to the Persian. "Excuse me! I could get that job if I so desired to. So I **will** go tomorrow and **get it**!" He waves at the other boys. "See you tomorrow gentlemen," says Philippe before storming out of the opera house.

The Persian smiles upon his departure. "He is too easy," comments the boy.

Erik laughs in agreement. When he is done, he looks at the his persian friend offhandedly. "At least I already have a job that I thoroughly enjoy, so there is no need for me to accompany you to your interviews."

"Yes, you still do," counters the Persian.

The masked boy immediately gets angry at this. "Why?"

The Persian continues to look at Erik with complete calmness and answers in a cool tone, "Your job consists of frightening these people out of their wits and threatening those who do not do things your way."

"Look at this way," begins Erik, "I just give out constructive criticism and persuasion of a darker kind."

The Persian keeps his unconvinced gaze on Erik. "Even if that is the case, it is not an official job."

Erik responds to this comment by folding his arms stubbornly and holding his head up high. "You cannot force me to go."

His friend rolls his eyes before saying sternly, "Erik, you are going, and that is that."

The younger masked boy gets angry at this command but is at a loss for words. He finally puts both of his arms firmly at his sides and glares at his darker friend. "Fine! I will make my appearances with you, but I will inform you now that I shall loathe every second of it." He then turns on his heel and disappears into some dark unforeseen corner like always.

The Persian stares into the corner that Erik had just vanished into. "As if I actually expected him to enjoy it," murmurs the boy to himself. After he has stared into the corner for a good while, he turns back to Firmin and Andre.

Firmin cocks his head in the direction of where the other two boys had gone. He smiles smugly at the Persian and says, "You may know how to push Philippe's buttons, and have Erik under your thumb for the moment, but I am a completely different case. I have no pride when it comes to working ,and I owe you nothing that you can hang over my head."

The Persian raises an eyebrow at him. "That may be so but consider this..." His confident countenance is soon broken as he realizes something. "You are right." He gives a sad shrug and tries to give him a commanding look. "I guess we can only rely on your loyalty towards your friends can persuade you."

Firmin rolls his eyes at this last attempt. "Nice try ,but you have witnessed many times how I treat them. Isn't that right Andre?" He turns to look at his other friend and is about to say more when he is taken back by what he sees.

There is now an extremely distressed look upon Andre's face. He his head is bowed, and his body is shaking as he tries to suppress his sobs.

Firmin places his hand on Andre's shoulder and tries to look him in the eyes, but Andre's jerks away. "Do not give me that, Gilles Andre!" says the former boy sternly. It is to no avail ,though, as Andre's body still shakes from the sobbing. Firmin looks at him pitifully before saying, "I..I..I did not really mean those things. You didn't really believe me? I will be there like Erik's mask is on his face."

"Do you truly mean that?" asks the sad teen with his head still bowed.

Firmin breathes in harshly and hesitates before answering. "Yes, I truly mean it."

"Merci, Firmin."

"Do not mention it ,Andre." There is an awkward pause that follows. "I think that I shall head home now." The youth then takes his leave.

After he has left Andre lifts his head to reveal a wide grin. He turns to the Persian and says, "That always works."

The Persian chuckles in amusement. "I am just glad to see that you were able to convince him to come."

Andre nods in approval. "I should be thanking you for getting the other two to come along as well."

"It was my pleasure." Nadir then becomes more serious. "Now I think that it is time that you should go and prepare for tomorrow."

"Why?"

"You may want to polish up your speaking skills," suggests the Persian in a friendly manner.

Andre gets offended by his suggestion. "I shall have you know that I am a master of emancipation!" He shakes his head at his mistake. "I mean enunification!" He shakes his head once more at his silly error. "I meant electrocution!"

"Elocution or enunciation?" offers Nadir.

Andre points at him excitedly. "Oui! I am very well when it comes to words." He slumps down in defeat. "Fine. You have won once more. I will go home and brush up on my friction." The teen rolls his eyes in irritation.

The Persian stares at him in confusion. "I think you mean diction."

"That too," replies Andre. He then walks off with what little dignity he thinks he has left.

As the Persian watches him walk off, he rolls his eyes and throws his hands up to the air. "Why do I associate with these people?"

_The next day all five of the boys are at the opera house and are seated in a waiting room. Soon a short, stocky, balding man comes to greet them._

The irritated looking man gives them brief glances. He feels skeptical about the over eager Andre, wary about the masked moody Erik , suspicious of the bored Firmin, suprised at Philippe's presence, and sighs at the sight of the Persian. "So you young lads want to be stagehands, eh?" asks the bald adult in a superior voice. "Well you shall have to go through me, Monsieur George Renault, if you want to secure a position in this wonderful atmosphere." He begins to pace in front of the boys. "You must be hardworking, reliable, punctual, strong," (He glances doubtfully at Erik at this word) "take orders well, and be willing to stay as long as neccessary."

Andre looks over at Erik. "That should not be too hard for you since you do live here."

Erik gives him a silencing look that clearly says, "Shut up if you know what is best for you."

Andre gulps nervously and looks down as Monsieur Renault eyes the masked boy with an unamused expression. "I will also not tolerate any tomfoolery," warns their possible future supervisor. He then resumes his superior air and continues to pace. "I shall be interviewing each of you to get a grasp of what you might be like on the job. So will..." Monsieur Renault pauses as he once more looks the five teens over before pointing at the Persian "you come with me first."

The Persian gets up from his seat and dutifully follows the shorter man, who shows him into a plain looking office. He sits down in a chair that has already been placed in front of a normal sized desk.

Monsieur Renault sits behind his desk and finally takes a long look at the youth before him. "So Monsieur.." He starts to move his hands in a circular motion.

"Khan. Nadir Khan," provides the dark skinned teenager.

"Monsieur Khan," continues the stocky man "what has motivated you to becoming a stagehand?"

"Well, I think it would be fortunate of you to have me among one of your various employees because I could help reduce the accident status here. I also would like to know the insi-"

"Accident status?" interrupts Monsieur Renault in amazement. "What makes you think that this opera house is accident prone?" asks the adult nervously.

The Persian stares at him blankly for awhile before responding. "There are reports every now and than in the newspaper. It is a bit too frequent to be considered 'normal' though."

Monsieur Renault nervously waves a hand dismissively at that. "Every place gets bad publicity now and again."

The Persian raises his eyebrows questioningly ,but the stocky man urges him to go on with what he was saying before interrupted. "I was saying that I would also like to know the inside of this opera house in more detail, so that I can keep a closer eye on certain suspicious persons."

"Alright," says the man slowly. "Umm what do you consider is something bad about yourself?"

The Persain thought over this question for awhile before answering. "Some would say that I am too overcautious. Of course I do not count this to be something negative, for it is always a good thing to have your wits about you."

The employer just gives him a strange look and nods slowly. "Alright. So you are someone who is aware of the things around you. That is a very good characteristic. Things like that can help to reduce our accident quota."

"I thought you just denied there being a tendency for accidents to happen here more frequently than other places?" asks the Persian with a bemused expression on his face.

Monsieur Renault stutters at this fact. "Well..well..well that is besides the point! Do you always need to bring out the depressing facts? Could you please tell me something good?"

"I could always tell you what I regard as my best quality," suggests the Persian.

The older man nods eagerly, "Yes, that would be quite nice."

"I think of myself as a voice of reason. One of those people who can keep a nice head in dire situations. The only sad side is that most people tend to ignore me," finished the dark skinned youth in a somber tone.

The stocky man just stares at him with a sad look in his eyes. "That was enlightening," mutters the employer. He shakes off his stare and tries to pull a reluctant smile. "So can you imagine where you will be in the future?"

The Persian thinks over this question longer then when he had thought over his worst quality. "I picture myself still watching over my friend. I mean, I may say that I have given up on him,but I will always still hold what is best for him first. Though because of his mental state I may have to put my life on the line to plead to his saner side." He sighs at this statement. "I basically imagine myself pleading for him not to attempt some murderous or suicidal attempt on a catastrophic level."

Mister Renault just listens to this prediction with widened eyes and a gaping mouth. After a few seconds of silence ,and a struggle to compose himself, he finally spoke. "Your loyalty to your friends ,even if they be a bit on the awkward and dramatic side, is...awe-inspiring. It shows good teamwork." He folded his hands together and straightened his posture. "I shall contemplate our little discussion here ,but meanwhile could you send in the next applicant?" As the Persian rose from his chair and moved to the door, he called out to him with another request. "Ask that anxious looking individual with the strange hair to come next." The foriegner nodds and makes his way out.

Soon a jumpy Andre entered the room and nervously made his way into the chair before the desk. He tried to compose his twitching before bowing his head and introducing himself. "Bonjour Monsieur Renault. I am Gilles Andre, and I would desire a job as a stage hand here."

Monsieur Renault nods and smiles in an attempt to calm the nervous teenager down.

It fails ,and Andre just gets worse. He now picks up the shaking again which makes his chair tremble.

The employer does not try another attempt at calming him down and asks his first question. "What allured you to work here Gilles?"

Andre takes a big gulp of air before answering. "Truth be told, I-I just needed something more to occupy myself with. I am also in serious need of the income." He hiccups after this confession.

The balding man bows his head and gives the teenager a blank stare. "So you are in search for financial backing in your everday life?"

Andre nods excitedly in response to this question. "Oui! If you hire me, you may find that it is very easy to order me about. I seem to do about almost anything that people ask me to do. Some say that it would be a fault, but I do not frown at it." His words had been frequented by hiccups, which caused him to blush a deep shade of red.

"An almost blind willingness to take orders," comments the employer basically annoying the little hiccups. "It is good to find young men who take orders."

The teen smiles at this compliment ,but then frowns as something occurs to him. "But some say that I do not carry out the orders to the satisfaction of the one who issued them."

Monsieur Renault waves his hand dismissively at this honest statement. "I am sure we can overlook a bit of carelessness here and there."

"I do not think others would say it is 'a bit' of carelessness," muttered Andre.

"What was that?"

Andre is stricken pale by this question. "I just...well it is just that..." He sighs deeply before saying, "I am an absolute **moron**. Very clumsy that is. I cannot help myself!" He points at his eye. "If there is a sharp corner, my eye manages to get poked by it." He points at his feet. "If there is a lump in the carpet, my feet figure out a way to trip over it." He places his hands around his throat. "If there is a temperamental masked person around, my mouth knows just how to make me get choked within a centimeter of my life!" He breathes deeply in and out after this telling rant.

The employer just stared at him curiously after the 'temperamental masked person' remark but said nothing. After a few moments of silence that consisted of Andre attempting to calm himself, he finally spoke. "Do you think this clumsiness of yours may interfere with your future?"

Andre opens his mouth to answer ,but then a hiccup takes the place of the words he might have spoken. He clasps his hands over his mouth and just nods vigorously.

Monsieur Renault motions his hand in a circling motion. "You may elaborate if you wish to. Your little problem does not bother me. Just a case of the nerves, I understand completely."

The possible employee gulps nervously and than answers. "I fear that my buffoonery will cause me to be lean heavily on my friend. He is the only one that can calm me down, and I can only see myself working with him as he handles all the hard things, and I just become the face," he flourishes his hands before his face and gives a forced smile, "for the two of us." He sighs dejectedly and stares fixedly at the floor.

Mister Renault gets up from his chair and pats Andre on the back jerkily. "Dependency on fellow companions is nothing to be ashamed of ,and it is not permanent. You never know what awaits you. You may one day become very independent and laugh at the days where you once believed that you had to rely on others." He gestures to the heavens with a cheerful smile gracing his features.

"Fat chance from a fat man," mutters Andre darkly.

"What was that!" questions the stocky man with an angry little gleam in his eyes.

Andre stares at him horrorstruck. "Um nothing, Sir!" He jumps out of his seat and moves towards the door.

"You had better leave!" threatens the short man. "Send in the next applicant while you are at it!" He shakes his head angrily and puts it in his hand. "Fat! The nerve of that little urchin. I shall have him know that I have a powerful build." He is interrupted in his mutterings by a polite cough from the door. He looks up irritably and is about to say something rude until he sees who is at the door. "Vicomte! Why I did not know that you would be stopping by here today."

"I surely thought that you had seen me and even acknowledged my presence just a few minutes ago," replied the young aristocrat in a light tone.

The employee of the opera house continues to look stunned as he realized what Philippe was referring to. He pointed at the door. "You mean that you have also come here seeking employment?" His face held nothing but astonishment at the mere thought of a patron ,much less a French noble, would be working beneath him.

Philippe releases a small chuckle and shakes his head.

"Than what brings you hear monsieur?"

"As you are well aware of, my family helps to support the arts. Of course I wanted a more in depth look to where our funds were going. So what better way of seeing that than working here for awhile," revealed the viscount.

The short man is even more flustered by this revelation. "Amazing," murmurs the stocky male. He shakes his head a little and gestures toward the chair. "Will you have a seat Monsieur le Vicomte, and then we can begin the interviewing process." He moves back to the chair behind his desk as Philippe seats himself in the chair. "I must comment on how suprised I am that you are here," says Monsieur Renault.

The viscount just gives a small smile. "My parents would be suprised as well if they found out, but I think they will be satisfied when they learn how much this will help our already honourable name."

"That is quite an admirable goal. The honor you hold for your family name is quite inspiring," commented Mister Renault with a wide smile on his face. "Is there anything negative about you, Monsieur?" asked the employer jokingly.

Philippe responded to this question very seriously. "My companions say that I tend to make derogative comments and act condescendingly towards those that have a lower station in life then I do." The young viscount let loose a spirited laugh. "I do not know what they mean though since that would mean that I am just plain rude to everyone! You see, most of the people that I associate myself with are on the same level as me except for my closest friends ,who were unfortunately born in middle or lower classes."

Monsieur Renault's smile was soon replaced with a slight frown. "I see," he muttered to himself. "Well I am sure that if you are hired then the other stagehands will not mind whatsoever working along with someone of your...background."

Philippe nodded happily. "I expect that they will take my orders with much joy."

"Monsieur le Vicomte," started the employer nervously, "I am afraid that there are no management positions open."

The young aristocrat's face momentarily gave way to annoyance but was quickly composed to a more uplifting expression. "Oh well that is perfectly fine," replied the young man in a fake cheery tone.

The short man gulped nervously before asking his next question. "I know that you could not possibly want to do this job forever, so what shall you do in the future?"

This question caused Philippe to suddenly sit up straighter and put on a dignified air. "My father has been training me to be the next Comte de Chagny since I was seven. I plan on living up to that name and taking all the responsibilities that come with it including being the head of my household. I will uphold the sacred duties that come along with it including the prevention of any besmirching, slandering, or scandal that try to tarnish our family name..." He went on with vigorous pride into the description of the duties of being a Comte.

Throughout this dignified explanation Monsieur Renault could feel the color slightly drain from his face. _"He is much too good for this position. He seems too serious for it as well. The others will not take too kindly if they have to work side by side an aristocrat."_ He grimaced slightly at this thought.

Fortunately, the viscount was too absorbed in his speech to notice the employer's facial expression. "...And that is what I will be doing as the future Comte de Chagny," finished Philippe with a little nod of his head.

Monsieur Renault hurriedly stood up and starts to applaud. "Bravo ,Vicomte! Bravo!" He hurried toward the young man's side and ushered him towards the door. "That was a most excellent speech. Now excuse me ,but we must be getting on with the other interviewees." He opened the door and waved him out with a plastered on grin. "It was a pleasure as always to see you." The older man then looked towards the group of teenage boys to see who was left. An alarm went off in his head telling him not to pick the masked boy right now. He pointed a finger at the bored looking youth sitting next to Andre and said, "You may come in now."

The bored looking teenager just cocks his head in another direction. "Must I be next? What about Erik here?" He gestures a hand toward Erik who has choosen to put on a most wicked grin.

Mister Renault gulps nervously. "Young man, I have choosen you and would like it if you woul follow me in right now!" The short man shakes his head in disapproval. "If this is your response to authority, then I must comment that your chances for receiving this job are slim. This is what is wrong with your generati-"

Before he could say anything else, Firmin shoots up and drags his feet into the office. "Fine! I shall come along as you request." He keeps moving towards the door ,and his friends hear him mutter one last thing before the door closes. "I am not even supposed to be here today."

The employer eyes Firmin as the youth slumps into the chair , leans back against it, and looks up at the ceiling. Monsieur Renault goes behind his desk and clears his throat audibly in an attempt to get Firmin to pay attention ,but it is no use as he continues on with staring at the ceiling. "Young man?" asks the older gentleman. There is still no sign of interest in Firmin's body. "Young man!" repeats Monsieur Renault with the same results. **"YOUNG MAN!"**

There is a slight shifting in Firmin's body as he adjusts his head so that he can look at the employer's face. There is a very cool look in his eyes despite him being yelled at. "My name is Firmin."

"Excuse me?"

"Firmin. My name is Richard Firmin. Not 'young man'. It would make me happy if you get that right." He then goes back to staring at the ceiling.

The older man has now gotten red faced by this display of cheekiness. "Well I would appreciate it if you would actually care about being here today!"

Without facing the older man Firmin delivers his reply. "My dear maman taught me to never lie."

"What do you mean by that?" asks a flabbergasted employer.

"You just said that it would be much appreciated of me to act as if I actually care to be here. That would be a facade since I am in no way or form interested in being present here today."

This response strikes Monsieur Renault dumb for a few seconds. He then finds his tongue and speaks. "Then why in the world _are_ you here today?"

Firmin moves his head so that the older man can see his cocked eyebrow and bemused grin. "Moral support."

The stocky man does not believe this answer. "Now come on! You can be honest with your answers."

The teenager gets out of his slumping position and leans forward with his arms held out. "But I am being honest! Some think that my tendency to being bluntly honest at times is a bad quality. " He then coughs at that instant ,but the cough sounds a lot like the word 'pudgy'.

This cough is heard by the employer who soons turn an even deeper shade of red. "Excuse moi young man! It would do well for you to remember that you should not insult authority figures ,especially when they are right in front of you!"

"So it is alright for me to insult my subordinates when their backs are turned?" questions Firmin. "Because I have heard some foul language pass those fat lips of yours concerning those that are beneath you in this opera house."

This comment causes Monsieur Renault to become white with rage. "That is neither here nor...You should not be list..How did you...We are not going to talk about my past actions right now," says the employer in a dismissive tone. "We are here to discuss **you**. Do you have any redeeming qualities?"

Firmin crosses his arms and leans back into the chair. "I do not respond to idiotic questions. I find them to be a waste of time."

This new display of cheek causes the stocky man to lean forward on his desk. "May I just say that your attitude will not lead you anywhere positive in the future. You must learn to reign in that tongue of yours!" He wags a finger at the youth. "It may make you end up in-"

"Prison?" finishes Firmin. He smiles as this word produces the effect of silence from the older man that he was hoping for. "To be honest that is the future I envision myself in. Because if I 'reign in my tongue' then I may actually get somewhere in life, but it will probably be a position of being in fear of those with worse tempers. That lifestyle will also entail some horrendous back-bending ,and an occupation of being surrounded by idiots." The teenager shrugs his shoulders in complacency. "After seeing you do it, I just want to avoid it completely."

Monsieur Renault just stares at him angrily. "Just get out and send in the last applicant," commands the older man through clenched teeth. He watches Firmin get up, stick his hands in his pockets, lean back in midair, and walk out of the office. He then slams his head against the desk repeatedly. "They just keep getting worse! First a pessimist, then a nervous wreck, then a pompous aristocrat, who was then followed by a cheeky urchin. Who is next? A crazed homicidal maniac!"

"I tend not to think of myself as 'crazed' or a 'maniac'," replies a silky voice.

The employer looks up to see where this wonderous voice came from. He jumps slightly as he sees the masked boy sitting in the chair set in front of his desk. He is sitting straight up and looks at him with a blank face.

"How did you get in here? When did you get in here?" questions the suddenly apprehensive employer.

"The door was unlocked. Also,according to the young man that just walked out, you very kindly requested for the next applicant." He flashes Monsieur Renault a smile that seems devoid of real cheeriness. "As for when I arrived, it was around the time that you began to bang your head against your own desk while listing off all of the people who have entered your office this day seeking a job." He folds his hands together and places them in his lap and then gives the employer a collected look. "Now may we start this interview so that I may resume my life?"

The employers nods his head shakily. "Certainly," replies the older man in an attempt to sound official. There was something about this boy's no nonsense attitude and cool demeanor that told Monsieur Renault that he should be taken seriously. "So what brings you here today, Monsieur.." He pauses as he realizes that he does not know Erik's last name. "What was your last name again, young man?"

"Erik," replies the masked youth.

The older man looks at him in puzzlement. "So your name is Erik Erik?" He chuckles at this example of alliteration. "It is not conventional ,but it is unique"  
The boy seated in front of him is not amused by this mistake. "Non, monsieur. My name is simply Erik. Nothing more, nothing less . Erik prefers not to give out his last name."

Mister Renault seems confused by this third person talk. "Are you not Erik?"

The masked boy seems further irritated by this question. "Oui, I am. Did I not just make that clear a moment ago?"

The older man suddenly feels like he is treading on dangerous ground. "It is just that you threw me off by the way you used your name."

"Are you saying that I am unclear when I speak?" asks the teenager in a threateningly smooth voice with a hint of anger in his eyes.

The short little man gulps in nervousness. "Non, non, non! The misunderstanding was completely my fault! You were as clear as crystal." He then attempts to change the conversation by asking his first question. "Why have you come here today, Monsieur?"

Erik answers the question ,while still keeping the angry glint in his eyes, with another question. "Should not every king check up on his kingdom?"

This throws off the employer even more. "Excuse me? Did you just refer to this place as a kingdom?"

"Yes, and I as it's king." A sinister smile graces his face as he embellishes upon this. "A great ruler needs to lurk among his subjects unnoticed every once in awhile to see firsthand how they are doing." His voice suddenly lowers to a deadly whisper. "Then as he is undercover, he can find out who are his loyal subjects ,and who are the treacherous backstabbers who would dare overturn their leader." His voice now starts to elevate in volume. "Once he has unearthed these facts then he can retake his thrown and persecute those who would destroy him!" The room echoes with the boom of his voice. Erik then continues in a normal tone. "And that ,good sir, is why I have come here today."

Monsieur Renault listens to this speech with a bit of fear inside him. This boy was clearly delusional ,yet there was something about him that said his whole 'kingdom' analogy was perfectly normal and right. He decides to go along with Erik's explanation. "Do you consider yourself a good leader?"

"I give out my orders and expect for them to be carried out. It is on the individual's head if they cannot carry out a simple command from me." He breathes out a big sigh and continues in an airy voice. "People blame disaster on their rulers when it was really their own incompetence that caused their misfortune." He seems a bit angry at this thought but continues in his normal tone. "So to answer your question, I do think that I am an effective leader. It just depends on whether or not my subordinates choose to follow through on my orders."

This response just heightens the sense of fear growing within the short, stocky man. He takes his chances with his next question. "Do you think there are any flaws in your leadership?"

The question earns him a steely glare from Erik. "I assume that some would complain of the harsh rule that they are subjected to. But it certainly does not make me a tyrant. Just because I choose to rule with an iron fist and unmoveable will, it does not make me a horrible ruler."

The employer gulps nervously. He feels like he is now on thin ice yet still throws caution to the wind with his next question. "So you do not think that your harsh rule will ever cause you to find yourself in unfortunate circumstances? You believe that your firm hand will keep those so called backstabbers silent in fear of your wrath?" asks the man nervously. He flinches in uneasy anticipation steeling himself ready for an explosive response.

"Oui," answers Erik in a suprisingly calm voice. But this one word seems to radiate a power that shows why noone would dare to challenge the masked boy. He goes on, "I am destined to lead this opera house to glory ,and noone shall undermine my authority for noone shall ever realize that their king hides in the shadows, secretly governing them through disaster and celebration."

There is an awkward silence for a few moments before the employer clears his throat. "I think that we are now done with this lovely interview! You may go on your way, and I shall tell you and your companions who has obtained the position within twenty-four hours time." He forces a smile and watches wearily as Erik exits. As Erik is mostly out the door he mutters to himself, "At least there were no drunkards here today."

A voice in his ear declares, "Be careful what you say, Monsieur, for your woes may become reality." With that declaration added to the stress of the previous applicants the old employer faints in his chair.

_The next day all of the boys are gathered outside of Monsieur Renault's office. The Persian and Philippe are calm, Andre is very jumpy, and Firmin and Erik are indifferent._

Their wait is soon over as the stocky employer emerges from his office to greet them. "Bonjour to you all!" greets the older man in a falsely cheery voice. "Yesterday was certainly an," he searches for the right words to describe the previous day's strange events, "... enlightening day. You all offer some" he pauses again to think of a word to describe their weird answers, "...interesting insight as to how this job can be performed. Unfortunately," he puts on a mournful face though his voice betrays his face by sounding happy, "none of you are right for this certain occupation."

"What!" exclaims three of the five boys.

"I have found someone else a bit more capable then you lads. Of course, it was a tough call ,but this young man only beats you because he is younger."

"Who could it possibly be?" questions Andre. "We were the only ones here yesterday!"

"Ahh, that is true, but this young man showed initiative by being one of the first ones to apply when the announcement was put forth that we needed help," explains Monsieur Renault. "Young sir, come over here!"

They hear footsteps approaching them and turn to see who the new stagehand is. They all stare in shock at who beat them all out. **"JOSEPH BUQUET!"  
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**A/N-** I hope that you all enjoyed that. Once again, sorry for taking so long,but I would like to take the time to blame Algebra 2 for making me utterly confused. A pantry full of cookies to anyone who can help with my Algebra 2 problems!


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